Here is my story...
Since I was 18 I have had a a high tolerance for alcohol... usually drinking something every night. After college, I would spend a lot of nights going to the bar and closing it down - sometimes going to after hours clubs. When I moved in with my husband, we both still drank a lot, but for me it was less. When we got engaged my husband was diagnosed with Crohn's and gave up drinking completely which was good in 2 ways. Drinking in bars was no longer fun and when we went out to dinner, I could have a bottle of wine and not worry about who was driving.
I gave up drinking completely to get pregnant, during the pregnancy, and while nursing. That was 2 years of abstinence - it only was a little hard in the beginning especially since I didn't know how many monhs it would take to get pregnant.
Three years ago I had a a very successful weight loss surgery called BPD/DS. I lost 130lbs and have maintained a normal weight for 2 years. To spare my liver, during the rapid weight loss period (the first 6 months) I abstained. During the next 6 months, I moderately drank. After that I went back to drinking most nights after my daughter was in bed.
Then the bottom dropped out. I had a client which provided me with a very good income for 9 years. Since the birth of my daughter, they were my only client. I had also started another business in which I cannot seem to make a profit. Because I had been serving just one client, I no longer had marketable skills and went into a deep depression. I started breaking the strict rules I always kept for myself.
I would drink while my daughter was at school; try not to drink and drive by waiting a couple of hours, but I am sure if tested I would have been over the limit sometimes; and drink as soon as I got my daughter home from whatever and knew we were not going out anywhere.
I even took a vacation by myself to drink all day and night in a hotel room. I don't go to social functions so I can drink at home.
This last summer it got worse. My daughter was either home with me all day or in camp all day... lots of drinking time in there. About 2 months ago, I really started to feel the physical dependence of drinking and got scared. I get the shakes so bad and can't stop them without drinking more. When I have to sober up to get my daughter to Taekwondo or Trick or Treating, I want to die. I feel pain in my liver and started taking milk thistle.
On Friday, I drank all morning, because I had some out of town relatives coming over for lunch and I needed to drink to get back to normal. After they left, my daughter was home so I drank the rest of the day. I drank all day Saturday after we got back from Taekwondo. I don't sleep well, so I often wake up at 2:30 or so and drink until 2 hours before I have to get up. Then of course I need something for breakfast and sometimes do. Monday and Tuesday were miserable tug-of-wars between curing the shakes when I could and worrying about all the places I had to go those days. Yesterday was easier, although I drank for breakfast; drank after running my errands, drank after picking my daughter up from school for the rest of the day. I tried to keep it to just wine, but had two strong whiskey/diet cokes before bed. I woke up at 3:30 and had 3 glasses of wine and an Excedrin PM and woke up a little late at 7:30 feeling like I was going to need a couple. I didn't.
Here is the punchline... I feel great right now. I should have the shakes really bad by now and be dreading the lunch I am about to go out to. I hope this lasts. My goal is to not drink until after we get home from everything tonight and I think I can make it. I only have 2 more hours until my luncheon and then I will be on the go until about 7:00. I am looking forward to that first drink.
I have been reading these messages for the last 2 days and am inspired. I want to moderate... Even drinking every night is ok with me as long as I don't wake up and drink again in the middle of the night. I want to be able to not drink and drive even if I have only one. Those are my goals. I hope I can get back to them.
Bless you for reading this far. I look forward to getting to know all of you.
EmptyGlass
Since I was 18 I have had a a high tolerance for alcohol... usually drinking something every night. After college, I would spend a lot of nights going to the bar and closing it down - sometimes going to after hours clubs. When I moved in with my husband, we both still drank a lot, but for me it was less. When we got engaged my husband was diagnosed with Crohn's and gave up drinking completely which was good in 2 ways. Drinking in bars was no longer fun and when we went out to dinner, I could have a bottle of wine and not worry about who was driving.
I gave up drinking completely to get pregnant, during the pregnancy, and while nursing. That was 2 years of abstinence - it only was a little hard in the beginning especially since I didn't know how many monhs it would take to get pregnant.
Three years ago I had a a very successful weight loss surgery called BPD/DS. I lost 130lbs and have maintained a normal weight for 2 years. To spare my liver, during the rapid weight loss period (the first 6 months) I abstained. During the next 6 months, I moderately drank. After that I went back to drinking most nights after my daughter was in bed.
Then the bottom dropped out. I had a client which provided me with a very good income for 9 years. Since the birth of my daughter, they were my only client. I had also started another business in which I cannot seem to make a profit. Because I had been serving just one client, I no longer had marketable skills and went into a deep depression. I started breaking the strict rules I always kept for myself.
I would drink while my daughter was at school; try not to drink and drive by waiting a couple of hours, but I am sure if tested I would have been over the limit sometimes; and drink as soon as I got my daughter home from whatever and knew we were not going out anywhere.
I even took a vacation by myself to drink all day and night in a hotel room. I don't go to social functions so I can drink at home.
This last summer it got worse. My daughter was either home with me all day or in camp all day... lots of drinking time in there. About 2 months ago, I really started to feel the physical dependence of drinking and got scared. I get the shakes so bad and can't stop them without drinking more. When I have to sober up to get my daughter to Taekwondo or Trick or Treating, I want to die. I feel pain in my liver and started taking milk thistle.
On Friday, I drank all morning, because I had some out of town relatives coming over for lunch and I needed to drink to get back to normal. After they left, my daughter was home so I drank the rest of the day. I drank all day Saturday after we got back from Taekwondo. I don't sleep well, so I often wake up at 2:30 or so and drink until 2 hours before I have to get up. Then of course I need something for breakfast and sometimes do. Monday and Tuesday were miserable tug-of-wars between curing the shakes when I could and worrying about all the places I had to go those days. Yesterday was easier, although I drank for breakfast; drank after running my errands, drank after picking my daughter up from school for the rest of the day. I tried to keep it to just wine, but had two strong whiskey/diet cokes before bed. I woke up at 3:30 and had 3 glasses of wine and an Excedrin PM and woke up a little late at 7:30 feeling like I was going to need a couple. I didn't.
Here is the punchline... I feel great right now. I should have the shakes really bad by now and be dreading the lunch I am about to go out to. I hope this lasts. My goal is to not drink until after we get home from everything tonight and I think I can make it. I only have 2 more hours until my luncheon and then I will be on the go until about 7:00. I am looking forward to that first drink.
I have been reading these messages for the last 2 days and am inspired. I want to moderate... Even drinking every night is ok with me as long as I don't wake up and drink again in the middle of the night. I want to be able to not drink and drive even if I have only one. Those are my goals. I hope I can get back to them.
Bless you for reading this far. I look forward to getting to know all of you.
EmptyGlass
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