need settin free

[luke2010]

I am 32 , I have suffered from Panic attacks & depression since 18

I smoked pot and dropped a little acid at 14 & by 17 had tried every drug , I stopped pretty much after getting panic attacks & paranoia

They got so bad I had to leave work , Ive been out of work & relationship for 2 years , Ive been pretty much imobolized by agraphobia gradually.

My confidence is shot and I never leave the house, I am completly agraphobic - unless I've had a drink , I use booze as a means to do things & also I binge drink mainly at the weekends.

I cant use booze as a crutch anymore , the depression from it is too much, and drinking my way out of hangovers has got ridiculus

Ive tried SSRI medications but felt suicidal on them, I ve been put on Lyrica (pregabelan) , Ive been on very low dosage of valium since I was 24 and have been taking sleeping tablets every night since then aswell.

I am drinking to blot out pain & emotion - when I get to to a point when i feel normal.

This is not working anymore .....

I don;t think I am a classic Alcoholic , I think i could drink socially , but i cannot take it or leave it , and cannot imagine at the moment doing anything without being slightly drunk to power through.

I've just been prescribed Baclafen , GP wants me to take an anti depressant with it , not keen - he thinks maybe try a tricyclic.....

All I know is that I am in alot of mental pain , I reckon I am more nuts than alcoholic
Not sure what the Baclafen is going to do for my anxiety /depersonlization/ depression
lets see...

Anyway there are a few bullet points, its good to see there is a lot of support here - definatly not alone in my condition

would love to hear from anyone with similar stories & advice ,

I am up for the lot - hypnotherapy, yoga , exercise - (the best one - if you can get out of the ouse to do it ) lets roll ...

THanks for reading - this is for people that want more out of life right .?

[K9Lover]

need settin free

Hi Luke and Welcome!
Many of us here can identify with your story. Alcohol was the crutch that we used to make it through life. But as you read around the site, you will see that it is possible to break free. We are here to support you on your journey. Please feel free to ask questions and post as much as you want. I look forward to getting to know you!
K9

[Pride before Fall]

need settin free

Welcome, Luke, : )

I had panic attacks in my 20s. I know how horrible it is, how small you make your life to avoid experiencing something that terrifying again, and then hating yourself for the irrationality of the fear. You have my complete understanding and empathy!

I eventually got help (Effexor to start, ativan for specific situations where I felt it rising up, and individual and group therapy). I drank, of course, particularly over the last 10 years to numb the anxiety, but I can say I was able to crawl out of the hole and put myself out there again with a great therapist (after a few "eh" ones), and that combination of medications. It's 20 years later, and I only need the occasional beta-blocker for public-speaking or singing situations (yes, I actually do those things--I don't love it, but can hardly believe it when I couldn't be in a room with people if the door was closed not so long ago).

You're absolutely right that drinking doesn't blot out pain and emotions, it just pretends to while making them worse. Sucky as it is, you need to feel them to get through them (blast).

Don't give up! There is hope and a future for you with the right support, if you choose to take care of yourself even when you feel you don't deserve it. xoxox Pride

ps: As odd as it sounds, I think virtual reality programs like Second Life actually have individual and group therapy sessions you can attend from home, which would be so much easier for you in the beginning. Maybe worth hunting around for that or a therapist that does something similar for agoraphobics (Skype, phone, etc.)

[luke2010]

need settin free

Thanks for reading,...
Where do I start ..... I think I've been down alot of roads with this .

there is lots of great info here , but I've never been recommended a good therapist as yet , lets see

Ive had occupational therapy & counciling but no good so far, it was free so i would be prepared pay now.

I think i want to be practical & realistic in here , ive decided , rather than too emotional as its been a long time Ive been in the blurry world

I score about between 25 -30 on that booze audit , at the moment I don't drink during the week , I only drink when I have to engage with the world which I have wittled down to a small amount

I hate the regret the endless weekends of .... next week I'll sort it out , never again etc... being sick , the expense

I am looking forward to feeling good - like a child again I've heard , parts of your brain waking up that you ve been pulverising with booze for all this time...

thanks again Pride for your comments , look forward to maybe trading some Anxiety attack stories with you some time !

[luke2010]

need settin free

I am reading around here - its seems like there is some great people here who do not want to fall off the wagon.... feels really good

Am i right in thinking Alcholics & Abusers get a buzz & lift from hanging out and chatting to eachother, is that how it works AA >?? as they/you are the only true ones that understand me / them ./?

I reckon i need sober freinds in real life aswell - if i can get out the house that is .....

Learning to have fun without booze ......

[Mish]

need settin free

You can do this, Luke. I've found myself built up and encouraged more than ever before on this site, and I've travelled many paths to find what this community offers, without success. This is the place to be for help if you're really wanting to be well.
Getting well is amazing. My panic attacks have subsided, I'm sleeping so well I can hardly believe it and I don't feel that horrible sick shame and disgust after a binge. Over 2 weeks AF and it just keeps getting better, Luke.
My hopes and wishes are with you,
Mish

[fennel]

need settin free

Hi, Luke. I suffered from panic attacks when I was younger- a tricyclic drug proved to be very helpful for me, plus it improved my sleep (trazodone). I hope you can keep trying to find a med that helps. Alcohol really exacerbates anxiety in the long run, so it would be helpful to find an alternative.

Yes, it is helpful to have others to relate to. That's why so many of us come here!

[Dewdrop]

need settin free

Hi Luke, :welcome:

I'm just popping in to say hellow and welcome and I am glad that you are sticking around. You will get the support and advice you need on here just keep posting and reading as there is so much expereince around the boards.

Good luck

Dewdrop :h