A month I think?

[K9Lover]

A month I think?

Hi Okks,
How are you? Are you struggling right now? Talk to us...we're here to help :h

[Choochie]

A month I think?

OKK - you might try the chat room in the evenings. There are a lot of really nice people who visit it who can help. A great thing to do if you're lonely. It's very easy - just click on the chat button (top of main page) and do the drop down menu (either the first or second option) and voila! you'll be in the room.

Hope you are fending off Al tonight - try writing down all the negatives about it and keep referring back to what you've written. And, read, read, read everything on this website!

Hugs,
Choochie

[okkslady]

A month I think?

hi

I havent drank yet...but want to. People around me went out tonight and are having fun and I didnt go cuz I know that alcohol will be there and I am way to tempted. I just want to give up at times because alot of the people I know drink alcohol and my best friend doesnt even talk to me anymore and I know she must not be my friend if that is all we had in common but I miss her, I miss being with the crowd so to speak? I know it sounds dumb...uggggggggggg I dont know why this has to be so hard. I just have to remember I am doing this for a reason...

[mere]

A month I think?

Hi okkslady,
When I get really lonely (and believe me I do - I live alone my kids are far away and I only have a few friends since moving here 2 1/2 years ago) I think "we'll I could call up my friends who would love to tie one on, I could sit here by myself and drink and feel awful or if I'm that lonely go to my local AA meetings.
Might be one just around the corner if you are that lonely.

[okkslady]

A month I think?

im just feeling mad

I dont have transportation anywhere and i live in a rural town...seems like everybody is willing to pick u up to go to the bar but not willing to give u a ride anywhere else!!! All my problems are self induced. I cant get a job cuz of my DUI background n drving on suspended and I am MAD and angry bout it but it is all my fault! I have no money to take my son to movies or bowling or be able to do anything extracuricular...well we go to the park sumtime and we flew a kite the other day......I am wearing very thin. I am trying but nothing going my way...sorry I sound soooo negative but I am MAd, at myself at my problems...A friend wanted me to go drink tonight he said lets go up to the casino and have a few drinks.....I dont have money but he willing to buy....I want to go so bad to relieve the stress to take it away for a minute. I Feel I am going to fail.

[sapphire1]

A month I think?

okkslady;993365 wrote: I dont have transportation anywhere and i live in a rural town...seems like everybody is willing to pick u up to go to the bar but not willing to give u a ride anywhere else!!! All my problems are self induced. I cant get a job cuz of my DUI background n drving on suspended and I am MAD and angry bout it but it is all my fault! I have no money to take my son to movies or bowling or be able to do anything extracuricular...well we go to the park sumtime and we flew a kite the other day......I am wearing very thin. I am trying but nothing going my way...sorry I sound soooo negative but I am MAd, at myself at my problems...A friend wanted me to go drink tonight he said lets go up to the casino and have a few drinks.....I dont have money but he willing to buy....I want to go so bad to relieve the stress to take it away for a minute. I Feel I am going to fail.

Is your friend willing to pay to take yu and your son to the movies Okks? That would be a lot more helpful for you and your son. There is no point in you being mad at yourself forever. it takes so much energy and gets you nowhere. I have lost my licence also, and have another 16 months to go before I get it back. I was mad at myself to begin with, but pretty soon realised that this wasnt changing anything and was just making me even more miserable. I have accepted that for these 16 months, my life will have to be different and I have to organise a life that isnt reliant on driving or having to be driven. I make good use of public transport, I have a bike, so I ride alot, and I walk a lot as well. My fitness has improved. I save money on fuel and car expenses and I use my imagination a lot more about how to amuse myself. Is it possible for you to get work closer to home? I too have struggled with that due to transport problems, but I am working it out. Try not to be mad at yourself Okks...if you go out and drink, will it really relieve the stress, or will it add to it, as only drinking and being can drunk can do? Your hassles will still be there in the morning and many more besides...possibly a hangover and you feeling guilt, remorse etc. It is really worth it. I told my pschologist that not driving was a disaster....he said.....it is a nuiscance, but it is not a disaster, stop catastrophising....a disaster is when you die or you lose loved ones...I immediatley saw the difference and from them on, it didnt seem that bad. I wish you well Okks....Saff:l

[Choochie]

A month I think?

Sheri - thanks for posting this here. There's so much stuff "out there" and on this website. I appreciate the way you bring relevant things to the forefront so we can be reminded of them.
You are a star Member. If they give out awards on this website you should get one - you, Doggie Girl, and others who are so helpful.

OKK, I hope you'll take the time to study this website and the articles that Sheri has posted. I really hope you can start making that mental shift that will help you realize that you are not gaining anything with AL - only losing.

Big hugs and AF day to all,

Choochie

[Peacefull]

A month I think?

Great post and so very true.

I have shifted from Deprivation to Gratitude. I think the whole time I quit before I was stuck in the deprivation mode and it set me up to drink again - 5 years later!!!

Okks, keep up the good battle. The momentary escape, is that momentary - we still need to deal with what life throws at us, and it's better without the hangover, guilt and shame..:l

[okkslady]

A month I think?

yes

I am in deprivation mode at the moment...when I first started I was in gratitude mode...thankful for being alive, because I could have lost my life to alcohol...thankful to be aware and awake....I am very sad and alone. Before I did have that quick fix to my problems...drinking with friends took the pain away...I am single and still hurting from my break up with my sons father, I have dated others since him but they seem to all be the same....he keeps leading me on and dropping me and I know that it is wrong...and I know that he doesnt want to be with me but it is like an addiction as well....I was so use to being with him and so use to him around whether it was good or bad I need him. When I was drinking I would fill that emptiness by hooking up with men who were bad for me...just to get that momentary hug and momentary feeling of somebody being there, even though it wasnt real...it helped for that short moment. I am in deprivation mode...not drinking and telling people I am not drinking has pushed everybody away....my dad said that they see it as a threat....that they want me to join in and be who I use to be...I am weak....I want to be apart of the crowd at the moment. I want to get back to gratitude mode but dont know how....I know the answers, I know what i should do....and I have tried but I am still hurting. there are days that I am happy but most days im putting on a fake smile.....

[OverIt2007]

A month I think?

Hi Okkslady,

Its Halloween today, and I truly hope you are able to have a little Halloween fun with your son today. I understand about wearing a fake smile, I have been wearing a fake smile for most of October as well, and not completely sure why. I like the phrase "Fake it till you Make it" and I try to do that on days I feel down. If you just pretend life is good, then pretty soon the pretending may turn into reality.

Im with ya in the funk. BUT tomorrow is a new day and a new month. Im going to do my damndest to get a sober November. I hope bright days are in both our futures very soon and if we really want it, I know happiness can eventually be both of our realities very soon.

Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and reading your posts today. Your a strong lady even if you dont think so, your posts show me a strong person, they truly do.


Overit

[icandothis]

A month I think?

Hi OKK, I spent a long time in deprivation mode. It is only just recently that I realized I should feel gratitude that with my chronic illness, I have the ability to stop drinking and heal myself. Many people with Chronic illnesses don't have this opportunity, so for that I am truly grateful every day.

As for relationships, I've had my share of relationship troubles in the past few years as well. One thing I had to get comfortable with was myself. It sounds strange, but until I could really be "friends" with myself I don't think I could be a very good friend to anyone else in my life. It also made me a happier person and less dependent on others to feel happy. I hope that helps.

Great Post Sheri. Thanks very much for the reminder. That Toolkit is wonderful!

[Dewdrop]

A month I think?

Hi Okkslady,

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment, you've had some great advice from some very knowledgeable and caring folk. I don't have anything to add but just wanted to send you a virtual hug and let you know that I'm thinking about you :l:l:l

Dewdrop :h

[okkslady]

A month I think?

thanks

thanks for the advice everybody...it is good advice...thanks for the hug dewdrop...OverIt my son is outa town with his father for halloween I am excited that he will be home late tonight though! Last night my feeling was...I just want to sleep to get this day over with! and today I feel the same way but am going to do some cleaning....

[OverIt2007]

A month I think?

Cleaning is good... Keeps the mind busy.

I've had those really really down days too. Your not alone. Sometimes the ONLY thing that would get me through one of those depression days was thinking that tomorrow could be a better day. And it usually was!

Just remember... Every new day as long as you are breathing has the potential to be a wonderful day. Alot of it is our attitudes. As long as we are all breathing, there is always HOPE.


:l

[okkslady]

A month I think?

think im done

I dont think I can do this anymore.