A month I think?

[Dewdrop]

A month I think?

Hey Okkslady,

Just wanted to say hi and say how well you are doing :goodjob: I've been checking in on your thread every now and again and it's great to hear of your successes. I know that it's hard at times and the urges can be a bummer and come out of nowhere but just hang in there. You will so regret it later and you do know that which is the reason you are holding out. I loved the story of you and your son on the couch and lets face it that's what life is all about. You are so fortunate to have a lovely little boy in your life and have so many opportunities and a future to look forward to.

Lots of :l

Dewdrop :h

[K9Lover]

A month I think?

Hi Okkslady!
Sorry to hear you are struggling. The cravings hit everyone, some harder than others. I am proud of you for getting through the night without giving in. Your stories about your son are SO cute, never forget how lucky you are to have him, he just sounds precious! My daughter is 13 (tough age) but she never fails to suprise me with random acts of love, or comments that brighten my day. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you, and I really can relate to how you're feeling. Beer at home was my downfall too. BUT, you can beat this thing, I just know you can! Hang in there my friend.
K9

[okkslady]

A month I think?

I always say thanks...

I always say thanks to everybody because your advice means alot!!! I came by the site tonight feeling the same way I did last friday....everybody is out and I am at home. The drinking was such a big part of my social life. I was sitting here with these thoughts of "i think I am just going to give in...friends are having fun and Im at home? Im to young to be at home and not out having a good time!" BUT I am thinking of drinking too. I know my thoughts arent coming out right and what I am typing might not make any sense....Well I just tried to contact my old best friend..her and I were going out buddies...party gals!!! She hasnt returned my txts and come to find out she is in jail....alcohol related. She was in a fight and she is in jail for battery... This is her 2nd time and she isnt getting out for awhile. Just hearing this makes me think WOW if I was still partying and drinking I woulda probably been right with her!! In jail away from my son...I have been there before for my DUI and breaking a window when I blacked out (I have no recollection of breaking it at all scary!) The longest I was in jail was a day and the number one thought (after I sobered up) was my son. I mention him alot I know lol. When I was in there I thought "im not there to get him up for school or feed him breakfast!" then when dinner time came around I thought "im not there to feed him or take care of him" it WAS the WORST feeling in my life!! I might be a little down and depressed tonight again but I am in the safest and best place...at home sober with my child....He needs me. Staying strong for now and feeling good in the morning...its just the weekend nights that always get me down....

[okkslady]

A month I think?

more thank you's and I forgot to add...

choochie ~k9 lover~ dewdrop~ doggygirl and whoever else I missed I know I already said thanks but your words are sooo helpful to me...tonight I was thinking "why not?" I have two brothers one who doesnt drink or never has and one who does drink and I would say has a problem with it as well....well the drinking bro was here getting ready to go out with his friends and the friends show up and come in and they are all laughing and i thought how fun!! and had those old feelings of "I am missing out" then I came to the site and start reading and your words and advice are saving to me!! I appreciate them so much...this isnt easy...it is a pure struggle but I do feel good and happy and love waking up at 7am and feeling great! Ok I will close for now! goodnight

[OverIt2007]

A month I think?

Thinking about you today lady! From your posts, I know you are a wonderful person and Mom. You really are. I hope you are not struggling with the drinking today. Just try to take it one day at a time. I hope today is a good day for you!!!


Sending you a hug! :l

[okkslady]

A month I think?

Saturday

Hello OverIt...today is a good day....I do feel isolated though. Alcohol is on my mind again today..I see people talking about going to a football game and I would love to go but I know that there would be alot of drinking going on. Another reason though is my finances arent to good at the moment lol. Its funny that even if I didnt have money I would still go out and manage to get drunk...weird. There were always those friends who would say "just go you dont need money, or I will buy u some drinks!!" When I did have the money I would easily spend 50-100 a weekend night (not just on myself) on buying drinks. Just think of all the things I could have bought with that money! Oh well...looking forward. The weekends are hard for me because like I said that was my time to get out and drink with friends....The weekdays are always fine for me I get through em with no problems....

[OverIt2007]

A month I think?

Well... I think YOU are absolutly amazing how you changed your life around! How many days sober do you have now? People like you truly amaze me. I know you have had your struggles, but yet, you are doing it! I hope you understand what a huge thing this is. I hope you are proud of yourself too!

I know you may feel left out of things at times. Dont be fooled that its any better out drinking, we know its not. Your the stronger and smarter one. Its true some people can go out and have one or two, maybe three. We are not that kind of people. We just have to accept that and move on to other things. More productive things I suppose.

Hope to see some of your posts soon, Im always interested in how you are doing!! :l

[K9Lover]

A month I think?

Hi Okks!
You mentioned that you were in jail for 1 day and how much you missed your son. I can relate to you but on a larger scale. I had to serve 20 days in days for driving on a suspended license from a DUI (2nd). I could NOT even talk to my daughter on the phone because I knew I couldn't handle hearing her voice. Every night as I turned over in my bunk and faced the brick wall I could NOT believe I was in there...I'm NOT that type of person...but I had to pay for my mistakes. I guess the moral of that story is to never forget what CAN happen, to anyone! Everytime I think that a beer sounds good, I think of ALL the pain and misery (not to mention money!) that it has caused me over the years. Thankfully October 16th marked the 10 year anniversary of my 2nd DUI and everything is off my records...but just look how long it took...a decade and thousands and thousands of dollars later...
Stay strong, and remember that nothing is worth losing time with your son.
:h
K9

[okkslady]

A month I think?

DUI and other things

Hello K-9....thanks for your story. Wow 20 days is along time! I was headed down that path. I was pulled over for driving on suspended as well twice! Once while driving my son to school, and another time while I was drinking but luckily that night I only had a couple (enough to be buzzed) because I just had surgery a couple weeks before and didnt feel like drinking that much....long story short the cop felt sorry for me (i dont know why) and he said if somebody could drive me home he would let me go. It would have been my second DUI charge. So I was only charged with one driving on suspended and no jail time but alot of fines. The judge said if I received another driving on suspended it would be 90 days. Well that was it for driving for me. I sold my car just so I wouldnt drive...If I had the car I knew for sure I would drive again....I couldnt leave my son for 90 days! You are right about the fines! The DUI has caused me soooo many problems. I lost my job because of it...I loved my job and the people I worked with...I just cant seem to get ahead ever since the DUI happend...and then from there the driving on suspended doesnt help..and having a suspended license is like losing your independance. Finding a job is very difficult for me!!! All of this stuff really stresses me but I always think it coulda been worse...I coulda killed the man that I ran into at the red light, or even killed us both....I could be in prison or dead. I am glad I came here and read your story tonight. I do have to be reminded of what I have gone through...I had a friend who I havent spoke to in awhile txt and ask if I wanted to go out tonight....my thought in my head was "that would be so nice to go and hang out relax...dress up and have a couple drinks...just a couple..." I am dealing with alot of stress right now and it is like someboby said to me (sorry cant member the username at the moment) that before it was easy to pick up a bottle and just erase it all for a few hours, to feel good. Now I have to find other ways to deal with the stress...1. Coming here and reading and writing helps 2. Working out helps..3 crying helps lol sometimes. I have told my parents some of my story...not everything...but I started opening up to them more. I started telling them that I felt better and that I use to feel like i "had to go out" I didnt think it was me needing a drink...I thought of it as "im a single mom and I did everything I was suppose to this week...I worked, cleaned, cooked and cared for my son and now it is my time to go out!" I can remember the feeling it wasnt a good feeling...I dont even know how to describe it..there was an urgency to, I had to go and if I didnt get to go boy I would be in a bad mood and blaming everybody for it. I told them I can see that now..I finally see that it was a huge problem. My dad said "hallelujah!" jokingly but it made me happy. They are proud of me and I dont want to let them or myself down. My father had a drinking problem, and I can remember some bad stories about him coming home drunk and fighting with my mother...I hated friday nights as a child. Thank goodness he quit drinking when I was still very young. His last straw was when he passed out at a redlight and was taken to jail. He has been sober ever since. I was in elementary at the time. Well this is getting longer and longer so I better stop....goodnight everybody...

[okkslady]

A month I think?

I had a dream last night that I went out drinking. I was at a house and drinking beer and I felt bad, guilty about it in the dream. I kept falling and stumbling and i kept thinking about how disappointed I was in myself but I kept trying to be part of the crowd and be funny and crazy like I use to be when I was drinking. In this dream I had feelings of what am I doing here? And in reality I can remember some nights at the bar thinking the same thing "what am I doing here?" but I would stay...well then in the dream it came time to go home and I kept falling outside and thinking about how disappointed my parents were going to be and I just had a lot of guilt in the dream....I am glad it was just a dream!

[Dewdrop]

A month I think?

Hi Okkslady,

Drinking dreams how weird, the subconcious mind is a powerful thing. I'm aware that Friday night is one of your triggers so just wanted to say hi and let you know I will probably be online later if your needing company - not sure of the time difference tho

One thing I wanted to mention, in your last post when talking about your Dad drinking you mentiioned '...I hated friday nights as a child' and it jumped out at me, and I wonder if this has any connection to your need to go out or not be at home on a friday? Possibly not but just an observation.

Catch up later :h

[okkslady]

A month I think?

hmmm

Interesting thought Dew Drop...I dunno? But yes it is Friday and I am thinking already about how fun it would be to go out somewhere and have a few drinks.....ugggg. But I wont! Thanks for mentioning you will be around tonight because I most likely will be feeling down and will be online as well....makes me feel less alone! so thanks

[okkslady]

A month I think?

blahhh

Feeling bad today...down...this is like the first time I didnt wake up and want to get to the gym and go work out with my trainer. I slept till one pm. I dont know whats up...but I am not feeling this day...I see pics of friends smiling and having drinks...its like why am I doing this if i am so sad...idk

[Choochie]

A month I think?

OK - the thought that AL will help you is a false one. As people on this post have said, it takes time. After all, it took all of us years to become alcoholics, so we can't expect it to be miraculous when we quit.

Why don't you write a letter to yourself outlining all the grief that alcohol has caused you. Then, when you're feeling blue or tempted to drink, pull it out and read it. We can't feel happy all the time. Try to do something to get your mind off of your sadness even if it's not going to the gym.

Sending you strength and good vibes. Stay strong!

[okkslady]

A month I think?

havent done it yet

but it is just to lonely...