Sober October Challenge!

[Dewdrop]

Sober October Challenge!

Evening everyone and welcome Daisy :welcome:

I slept in this morning for work for the first time since I stopped drinking ? actually kept reading a book I?d become engrossed in last night and didn?t realise the time so was flying about first thing, fortunately I was bright and sober and hangover free so it wasn?t too much of a problem. I managed to get in a long walk after work and have just eaten the biggest plate of pasta because I was famished, can?t believe that I am still losing weight so I don?t feel guilty. Was walking along the beach and it was lovely with the sun just setting, I was feeling quite peaceful and so grateful that I am free from that awful booze. I know it?s early days but I am feeling very determined at the moment so I am hanging onto that.

I?ll check in with everyone later, hope you are all well. Oh and on the partner front I guess I'm lucky there because I live alone so no one to tempt me or annoy me with drinking, however, on the other hand no one to support me to stay on the right path either and a lot of my drinking went on at home alone. I guess there is no easy answer.

Catch up soon,

Dewdrop :h

[choice]

Sober October Challenge!

Good morning October Sober crew! :thanks: for sharing about how going sober can change a relationships dynamic. The main reason I questioned my own drinking (50 days ago ) was due to the impact it was having on my relationship with my boyfriend. We would get in very destructive emotionally draining drunken fights. I was blacking out for a lot of it so couldn't remember what I'd said or did. He could remember. It was getting so I couldn't defend myself during the fight or in the aftermath of those terrible fights. This sounds really terrible of me but I couldn't stand that he always had the upper hand in remembering. I was so sick of the guilt and shame in not remembering.... and having to be responsible and accountable for things I couldn't remember. BUT, I knew it couldn't be just me being a bad, mean drunk. I felt he was pushing major buttons.... that's an empty point when you can't remember fu&! all.

I moved to New Zealand for him. I don't have any friends here of my own. Our socializing is with his friends and they are all drinking buddies. In New Zealand I found I was getting so drunk when we would go out once a week on Friday nights. I was amazed how I was told I was acting. I felt like I didn't have this problem in Colorado (where I'm from) and missed home and socializing with my friends terribly because I felt accepted and liked. (Since finding MWO, and learning SO much... It really doesn't madder anymore how my drinking was "different" in Colorado... I prefer how I feel now sober).

It feels like in not so many words and well, it has actually been insinuated that my presence here is holding him back from the care free fun guy his friends all miss. I found I was drinking to excess to try and prove I was a "fun chick" myself. But all that was happening was I got sloppy and clown like. :upset: I stopped socializing with all of them because it was causing problems and making me feel insecure in a new country, also I was constantly offended and with booze in my system I was having a hard time not feeling violent, especially towards his women friends.

I began to prefer to drink a bottle of wine alone at home so he could go out and have fun with his "friends". When he would return drunk... I'd be drunk at home with my candles. But it didn't madder WHAM! big fight. So I saw it didn't madder if I went out or didn't the results were still the same. Last Friday it was different. I'm sober = no fight. I've learned so much in MWO that I knew how to handle the situation better. And I feel validated that the "gig" is up. He is a nasty drunk just as I suspected. Great. Just what I thought I wanted to find out. I win. :upset:

[Choochie]

Sober October Challenge!

Dewdrop - just a message of support and congratulations on your AF accomplishment -may not seem like a long time for you but to someone early on like me, it looks like a great accomplishment.

Re living alone - sometimes that can be a positive because there's no one tempting you to be social!

[neart]

Sober October Challenge!

Evening everyone!

Dewdrop, sounds like you had a good day despite the sleep in (or maybe because of it!) I find getting a walk in really helps me. Anon, enjoy the Lake District! A place I've heard so much about - a friend of my mum's used to live there years ago, but I've never been. Spinning - yes, great drying weather! I washed my winter jacket today as it was in the boot of my car for far too long

I went to yoga and pilates today - just the way the classes worked out. Really glad I went though as I've also been in a bit of a grump - my mood seems to swing a lot still. I know that certain things help, like (trying to) meditate in the morning, and reading a little of my Deepak Chopra book, and doing a little yoga. And if I get an early morning walk in, I'm always in good form. So why don't I do this every day??!!! At least I'm getting to understand myself better, I suppose. We are all works in progress, I guess

90 days clean and sober here today. It's significant for me, cause I read a book "What Did I Do Last Night" by Tom Sykes in January of this year, and when he talked about getting 90 days clean and sober together, I couldn't imagine it. I tried and tried but only ever managed a couple of days together. I never thought I could do this. I really, really, really could not have done it without you all. I don't have anyone that I can really talk to about AL and the ups and downs of going AF with in my life, so if it weren't for you all, I am 100% sure I would have gone back to AL a long time ago. Thank you all so much :l

[choice]

Sober October Challenge!

Congratulations Neart on 90 days!!!!! Your truly an inspiration!!!

[neart]

Sober October Challenge!

Choice - cross posted with you. Again, my heart goes out to you, because in certain ways I know how you feel. My relationship with my ex had a lot of AL in it, and like you, I couldn't hold my corner many times because I was drunk too. And the next day, he would often not remember what happened (although I think he was pretending sometimes) so he would not apologise, or we couldn't talk about what had happened. A couple of times, I actually taped his ranting on my mobile (I don't recommend this!) to try to prove to him what he was like when he was drunk. But nothing ever changed. Because I was drinking, I felt that I couldn't tell him that he had a problem with his drinking.

And when I gave up cigarettes a few years ago, we were living in Australia. I stopped drinking for about a month at the time (no idea how I did it!) and felt great, but I didn't want to go to the pub. I can still hear him telling me that I was boring when I didn't drink. This was my partner of over 3 years who was supposed to love me. So it didn't work out for me and him, but that was for our own reasons, and there was a lot more to it than just that for us.

I don't think anyone is boring to the people that love them, if that makes sense. Family and good friends and partners are supposed to think we are fantastic!

Love and hugs :l:l

[mollyka]

Sober October Challenge!

I can't and won't give relationship advice to anyone. I poisoned my marriage (thro booze) for the last 5 years and to be honest maybe 30 yrs of our marriage were acted out behind booze.
The only advice I would give you Choice would be to try a bit of sober time together, be sure of what you have or haven't got before you make any decisions.
Thinking of you
Molly

[choice]

Sober October Challenge!

:l thanks Neart and Molly. I might suggest the sober time together, he might be down with it, I'm not sure... I wrote about this on the family members affected by alcohol section of the forum because I feel like I need to write heaps about it and don't want to mess up the Sober October thread. And I'm so about what to do. :l:h

[mollyka]

Sober October Challenge!

Choice honey, don't for one second think you can't discuss your problems here - after all that's what this place is for. Yes it's lovely celebrating our hard won successes but my god girl - what we suffer from is grim and if we are going thro a grim time - come and vent. Nobody might say anything of any use or someone unwittingly just might come out with a gem - one way or the other it gives us a voice with likeminded people and I truly believe, no matter how kind or well meant nonalkies are - they just don't really get it.
I think suggesting the sober time might be a good idea. If he is serious about the relationship he will give it proper consideration at least - doesn't mean he will be successful AF cos afterall this is your choice (sorry!), your journey, and the one thing I've learnt coming here, unless the want for this comes from deep within oneself it won't work - but at least if he would try it would be good. Do you think the thing with his friends is your insecurity or do you really think they are chipping away at him? If you think it is a real thing, perhaps you can sit down and talk to him when you are both sober - never with drink involved. Please don't feel you can't come here, the thread would be a failure if that were the case.
Thinking of you
Molly

[icandothis]

Sober October Challenge!

Good morning Sober October gang!

Neart, thanks for the inspiration. I really want to feel 90 days sober! Congratulations! I have really been getting into going to classes at the gym, too. I am also taking a couple evening classes to try and fill up time that I previously spent drinking!

Choice, I've been having relationship struggles of my own (with my husband). He would like me not to drink, however would like to keep AL around the house for himself. It's been an ongoing struggle, but we're working through it...or NOT. I'm not sure at this point.

Dewdrop -- I envy you in a lot of ways not having to be in a relationshp during this very important time of your life! Isn't it great to be tired but not hungover? I have really been getting back into reading as well. It's great to be sober enough to read a book! You are also an inspiration as you sound so positive and healthy and happy with sobriety! Thanks for the posts!

It's great hearing from all of you, Mollyka, Choochie, Anon...and everyone else! Keep posting, this has become a real source of strength for me and obviously many others!

Have a great day everyone!

[Peacefull]

Sober October Challenge!

Hi my friends.

Just a quick check in before heading off to work after a wonderful AF long weekend with my family. I skimmed over the thread, but will really read later when I have more time.

Made it the whole weekend, had few thoughts of " a glass of wine would be nice with dinner" but found out perrier in a nice glass is even better as there is no hangover and anxiety.

Talk later, just wanted to say hi....

[Dewdrop]

Sober October Challenge!

Choice this is just a quick post ? I?m sorry that you are going through this on the relationship front but you can post anything here we are all in this together, next week it could be me going through some trauma and I?d like to be able to lean on my friends here. I?ve quickly scanned some of your other posts and it sounds like you are getting good advice from everyone.

My tuppenceworth for what it?s worth is to go with your gut feeling in this; you deserve to be in a good relationship with someone who treats you with respect and love otherwise why stay? You should sit down together sober and sort out where you are, what you want from this relationship, and where you see it going in 1, 3, 5 years time. Fun time together and with friends shouldn?t be getting rat arsed and fighting, then feeling ashamed, embarrassed and undermined.

I?m sure I remember you saying that you are going back to college/university?? So will be able to meet new friends there with similar interests who/which might give you the confidence boost you need (away from his drinking buddies) and enable you to develop other interests. Just a thought.

I?ll catch up later.

Dewdrop :h

[Spinning J]

Sober October Challenge!

Hello to all the Sober October Team!
:welcome: Daisy .
Dextie well done you on having a sober Thankgiving! Thats great. I'm hoping I will be strong when I go out on Saturday night surrounded by booze!
Neart congratulations on achieving 90 Af :goodjob: .
Choice I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your partner it must be hard. The best thing for you is to remain sober. I hope you can work things out. Everyone deserves a supportive and happy relationship. Sending you a big :l.
Peace it sounds like you had a lovely weekend. The joys of bing sober
Day 51 for me today. I've been to the gym for a run on the track and it's such a beautiful day I should have ran outside! I've managed to shift the last few pounds I wanted to loose in the last few months and I know its due to not drinking so I am very pleased. Have a good day peeps.
xx

[Choochie]

Sober October Challenge!

Choice - just wanted to tell you that my husband is joining me in sobriety - he doesn't have a problem moderating but thinks it would just be good for his health in general. Hope your SO joins you.

Neart - big congrats on 90 days (same to Dewdrop - mentioned above)

Molly you always have great advice; Icandothis - I love your comment about reading - I used to make it two pages max - now I can go for hours.

SJ/Peace - I read all your stuff - you guys are invaluable to us newbies.

[Peacefull]

Sober October Challenge!

Wow...just read over what I missed while I was away. Nice to see this thread so busy and helpful.

Neart - congrats on 90 days!!

Choochie - sounds like you are on your way from your positive vibe.

Dextie - Sober Thanksgivings are awesome aren't they? Sober Christmases are even better

Choice - sorry you are going through relationship problems right now, and I echo Dewdrop don't feel you can't post everything here as well. I don't make it to the other threads regularly and would like to be able to support my Sober October friends when I can.

Welcome to all the newbies and to everyone - Happy Tuesday - oh ya 45 days today *happy dance*