Sober October Challenge!

[anon]

Sober October Challenge!

Good evening October people.

Relationship problems seem to loom large in Alkie couples. I think not drinking may initially cause more of a strain but eventually it must help in making more measured/sensible decisions. Hope things improve Choice.

Been out walking the beautiful hills in the sunshine today FABULOUS. Everyone ended up in the pub really did not bother me. It was this day last week I slipped up and had 2 G&T,s
No chance this Tuesday. I am much stronger now--It may have been the Gin that Molly dreamed of the other night that reminded me that I must not drop my guard.:thanks:

Spinning thought of you as I sped along the M6 past Preston on the way to the Lakes.

[Dewdrop]

Sober October Challenge!

Hi all,

I have only had time for a quick scan as I have been working late tonight, not something I do very often, and wanted to check in on everyone, it?s difficult at times keeping up with you all!! What a busy bunch.

I?m feeling really good these days but I am still finding my sleep pattern disturbed although I do have the odd day in a week when I do sleep straight through. Are others finding their sleeping back to normal okay? It is the only thing that I am struggling with although I must admit my sleep is 110% better than when I was drinking and I do have energy during the day. I guess it?s more of a niggle than a struggle, if you know what I mean.

Tonight I am going to have a hot mug of milky horlicks at bedtime, my Mum used to give it to us when we were kids to get us off to sleep, and see if that does the trick.

Dewdrop :h

[choice]

Sober October Challenge!

:thanks: Everyone for your support. :h:h:l Yesterday I felt so hopeless. I woke up today and still have a problem but normally I would have drank at least a bottle of wine to "think" and "relax" about my problem and woke up feeling raw. When my boyfriend came home last night I just couldn't keep it a secret anymore about how I was feeling. He got very deflated, extremely sad and then pretty defensive. I just felt calm, acted calm and listened to him... even when he raised his voice and attacked. (not me personally... kinda just the world or maybe even himself.. not sure)

God it was like looking at myself in a mirror 51 days ago talking around in circles. He kept digging a hole until he had a panic attack. I felt so strange because I felt like I caused it. I felt horrible because it was hard to see him hurting that way. But I know when my mom and sister talked to me about my drinking... I was so uncomfortable I wanted to turn on them too... but if they hadn't been honest, I might still be drinking and I'm glad I'm not. I also remember weeks ago crying on the kitchen floor because I wanted a drink so bad. He was the one who picked me up and re-assured me that addictions suck and that I was a strong fighter.

I really didn't say much with my confrontation except that I didn't want him to get drunk like that again and that it was disrespectful to lie to me and pick fights when I hadn't done anything to deserve angry feelings directed at me for just being sober. I talked about his female co-workers and said they really don't care about us as a couple. They don't care about our happiness at all. How we feel about each other, our plans for a family and future, how much money we have invested in my immigration, plane tickets to and from the states, our engagement ring, residency,...

Or just the simple fact that he had been very lonely for quite some time before I came into the picture. (I was lonely without him too). I think if these women really cared for him they wouldn't want him to be lonely just so they could get drunk with him so they all could flirt. They probably are lonely too but that's not my problem and I don't think it should be his either. If he had fancied anyone of them he wouldn't have gone to so much effort or expense to bring me to NZ.

I think I am insecure around ALL these women for sure (not just the ones he was drinking with Friday night). When I first arrived here they took pictures of me and circulated them through the office and made up a funny name for me... when I would show up places I overheard one of them say "where is this girlfriend?? I've got to meet her so I can make fun of her." I just walked up to her and said here I am, and introduced myself. She got kind of embarrassed. My boyfriend gets along with women very well and he makes them feel good about themselves, all shapes and sizes. He is charming and I know women adore him because of the way they look at him. I just wish they could at least be polite to me with possible eye contact and I'd like to not be snubbed.

My personality doesn't shine much in these situations and it's really not much fun. When I was drinking through it... I tried to show them that I wasn't threatening, that I was just "one of the girls... or part of the gang.." But also when I did that some of them would take me aside and tell me of all my boyfriends secrets and dating escapades. I felt like competing with all of my dating escapades.. trying to prove that men had found me attractive in the past, and that my boyfriend was just as lucky as I was. SO STUPID. This is why I decided to QUIT DRINKING I was making a jerk out of myself. And I was constantly jealous and upset... OVER NOTHING. I was always feeling unattractive which is just ridiculous. Honestly I think they are threatened by me disrupting the status of affairs in their working social group and they still want my boyfriends attention that he could give when he was single.

After my boyfriend calmed down from the panic attack he admitted to being an alcoholic. He was shaking and said he was scared, and that he felt very weak. He felt ashamed and He sounded very similar to lots of people I've read on this forum when they haven't had very many AF days in a row. It's hard for me not to bombard him with all I've learned in the past 51 days. Or to get to excited about him joining me in sobriety.

I feel better after confronting him and I'm content with his response for now. He woke up this morning kind of distant and said he couldn't stop thinking about how he acted last Friday, or how alcohol has screwed up so many things in his life. I still don't know what to do exactly but I really hope we can get through this. I think I have it a lot easier because of MWO. Maybe in a few days I'll suggest we go to an AA meeting. He was court ordered to go to them in the States years ago. Honestly I think he is really sick and tired of drinking too. My first 30 days he said he loved this "not drinking thing" and he felt better drinking less. We got along brilliantly. It's the second stint I'm doing of 30 where he has started drinking heavy every other weekend. It's still progress from what we where doing... every Friday. So we'll see. Every time I'm talking about MWO I keep thinking I'm annoying him, but he hangs on every word. I asked if he wanted to try the 30 days AF and he said he'd try but he is so scared to fail.

:thanks: for listening I just couldn't stop typing. I hope everyone is doing well.

[dextie]

Sober October Challenge!

Good evening friends,
relationship are enough work without alcohol put in the mix.
My husband knew I black out when drinking and when he would mention what happened I think he elaborated on things. Why would he? ??

That is one of the reasons I don't want to drink, I can only 100% trust myself but I cannot do that if I have no memory.

Had okay day today, stressed with money worries but feeling healthy and strong.
Heading to Toronto tomorrow for appointment have to get organized, I find when I am on top of everything I am less stressed, laundry, dishes, lunches and kids homework.

Staying positve, staying sober! !!
Alway thinking of u all,I wouldn't want to let ya's,down!
AF. 9 days

[choice]

Sober October Challenge!

Hi Guys, :thanks: for all the relationship input.
I wrote a few really long posts today about my relationship and deleted both. I think I was just too embarrassed about how long they were and I felt like I was betraying him. My boyfriend and I had a heart to heart last night and it went well. He knows he has a problem and hands down admitted to being an alcoholic. He said he'll try to do the 30 days AF but he is scared he'll fail... I felt like saying, "join the club!!"... I'm scared to get to 6 months AF, I was scared I'd drink yesterday... This is all really hard work. Ah- I wish he was a few more days AF I know he feels like real crap. Ashamed, guilty, and bad. We talked about his female co-workers too.... He admitted that they have contributed to peer pressure, making fun of him for going home to me, he knows they are lonely and enjoy his attention. (I know he enjoys being adored by them.) I am insecure about them, they are a BIG reason I QUIT drinking. I wanted to know what the hell was going on.

They are single women who enjoyed my boyfriends attention when he was single. When I was single I flirted with my single male friends.... if they were SINGLE. I've thought about this a lot today. If he had fancied any one of them I don't believe he would have gone to the effort or expense of this major daunting process of immigration. When we would drink with these women they would tell me all of his secrets and dating escapades. It was horrible. I became jealous and I couldn't stand how I was acting all pickled with booze. I guess I should thank these ladies. I sobered up and he just might too. There is a lot more to our problem then these tarts... but at least we are going to try and I hope we can get through this. I feel positive.:thanks:

[Dewdrop]

Sober October Challenge!

Anon, Neart, Ican, Enja, Spinning, Peace, Molly you all sound strong, committed and happy with where you are, it?s a joy to read all the threads. Choochie you are rolling along so brilliantly and are a different person these days, isn?t it amazing what a relatively short while AF can do to your clarity and thinking? I read the brain addiction link you posted and I, like you, am very interested and intrigued by the whole addiction process.

Dextie you are also doing so well and I know how difficult it can be with all the pressure of life crowding in ie bills, kids, house etc. etc. but as you say you can be so much better organised without AL in your life. Choice I am so glad you have managed to sit down with your boyfriend and clear the air, in my opinion honest communication is the basis of all good relationships. As you say going 30 days AF is not easy and takes a whole lot of determination and commitment but he has you by his side for support. All he needs is the inner drive to get through the first few days.

I?m 50 days AF today and am going to treat myself to something special ? not sure what at the moment but feel I deserve a little pat on the back. As do all of you too. My first goal was 1 day, then 3, then when I got to 5 thought ?I can actually achieve 7? (1 whole week!). Once there I felt so much better that I thought I?d go for the 30 days ODAT and joined the September Challenge and now I am at 50. Sometimes I just can?t believe how far I?ve come. My current goal is first to get to 3 months and then have a lovely sober Christmas my first for as long as I can remember. Goodness I am rambling now, better get on and do some work ? this site can be such a distraction at times!!

Happy Sober Wednesday everyone.

Dewdrop :h

[icandothis]

Sober October Challenge!

Good morning everyone!

Dew, I agree, it's really just stringing the days together. I'm hoping for a sober Thanksgiving and Christmas as well! Choochie, that's a great idea asking your hubby to join you. I think I'll do the same! He doesn't have the issues I do, but I think a 30-day challenge would be good for him as well!

Anon, great job getting through the week AF. I don't think I'd survive going into a Pub with my friends right now...that's great that you can handle that!

Dextie, Choice, I agree that relationships work better when I'm not drinking! It's hard enough without the AL!!!

Have a great AF day everyone!

[Spinning J]

Sober October Challenge!

Happy Sober Wednesday folks! Had a 6km run this morning in the sunshine . Everyone is doing so well and we are nearly half way through the month!! Dew I hope you get a nice treat you deserve it . Will check in later and read the posts. Anon we are so lucky living near to the Lakes it's beautiful you have inspired me to get my walking boots out and go up there in the school hols!
xx

[Choochie]

Sober October Challenge!

Good Morning Everyone - just checking in to say hello and marveling at the people here -- the amazing power of what a collective group willing to lend support can do! Of course, we all have to make it on our own in our daily life, but that we can come here for "sustenance" is truly a blessing.

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to post here - it is invaluable to me as a newbie!

[mollyka]

Sober October Challenge!

Hello everyone - am hours behind myself, went shopping with hubs today - something that would NEVER EVER EVER have happened when I was drinking. I would have been guilt ridden spending money in front of him on myself. Just spent a heap on make-up - if you all only knew me you'd know how amazing that is!!
Choice, I think you have made absolute Giant steps with your partner. I had no idea he was so far along the path that he has admitted to being an alcoholic. Girl, that is fantastic news (not that he's an alkie, you know what I mean). So what if he falls, like you say - that's where we all are! but that he's going to try. And you've been able to talk about the 'tarts'!! That is really really great. I'm so pleased for you, this is what we can do without booze!!
Dewdrop, SJ, Chooch, Dextie, Anon, Peace, Icandothis and all the other dirty 'stop outs'!! Hi to all. Will be back tonight after late shift, well done on 50 days Dewdrop - go spoil yourself!!
Molly

[Choochie]

Sober October Challenge!

Hi Molly,

Just wanted to send you greetings. I'm lol over your makeup comment -- I'm going to give myself a 30 day AF present when I get there -- still deciding on what it should be.

Thanks for posting and have a great AF day!

[anon]

Sober October Challenge!

Hi Everyone it looks like another busy day on this thread!
Molly good for you spending shed loads of money on make up I bet it is still cheaper than the Vodka!!:goodjob:
Spinning J --Maybe I will meet you on one of those Lakeland hills one day! I too have been doing lots of running and have just been talked into a half marathon in Spain in early November so am busy getting my arse into gear. Will run 10 miles tomorrow probably very slow but it is so much easier now I do not have a hangover or any broken bones!

[mollyka]

Sober October Challenge!

Anon, I reckon it was about a weeks worth of vodka - sad thing is, I'm not joking - that is the amount I drank .
Chooch, you are right to give yourself a treat to look forward to, life can seem a little bit grim in the early days of being sober - it's hard to see that we aren't missing out on something without the booze, I think it's important to be gentle with ourselves and spoil ourselves a little bit.
Where is everyone else? I'm heading to bed now (I'll need to get up bout half an hour earlier to put on all this shagging make-up:H) so I hope everyone is in good form and will see you all tomorrow
Molly

[choice]

Sober October Challenge!

Hi Everyone :h
Just stopping in to say hi. Dewdrop congrats on the 50 days AF. Doesn't it feel good to have made such progress? I think I'm at 51 or 52? Spinning J's day is how I keep track I treated myself to a nice hair cut from a salon. (usually I go to students to save money)... Molly, I think its great that you got a bunch of new makeup it's pretty fun when its all fresh stuff to beautify with. Also thanks for your support about my relationship. I think he's been able to support me so well because he has understood what I'm going through, and knows how tough it is. (aside from his drunk slip up... but he's got that beast to deal with too.) Icandothis, Choochie, anon,dexie :l and everyone else to come. I agree Molly where is everyone? Hopefully all enjoying the day! :h

[neart]

Sober October Challenge!

mollyka;980830 wrote: I'm heading to bed now (I'll need to get up bout half an hour earlier to put on all this shagging make-up:H)

:H lol :H

Hi everyone, been a bit off the past few days. I got myself all in a twist about a few things - panicking about what jobs I should apply for, whether I wanted to move from where I'm living to somewhere else, etc. And I've been realising recently that certain characteristics of mine that I presumed were because of AL are not just AL-related. Best if I give an example of the main one! I've been friends with this guy for about 12 years, and he's one of the nicest guys I know. To describe him to someone I didn't know, I used to say he was the perfect guy to marry, except I didn't think I fancied him. But the past while, he's been on my mind a lot. So I emailed him to say hi last Thursday and he emails back the next day, saying we should meet up, he misses me etc. That he was away, and would ring me once he got back. Thanks to the wonders (evils) of facebook, I know he's home a few days, and I haven't heard anything. Now, despite my rational brain knowing that it's no big deal (I'm always forgetting to reply to people) instead I panic and decide he doesn't like me anymore/never wants to see me/I will be alone for the rest of my life etc. Crazy!

I know this sounds really stupid and trivial, but it's just that I'm forever doing this - blowing things out of proportion, getting caught up in a notion about something, then getting upset when it doesn't seem to work out. And the ensuing up-and-down emotional rollercoaster is exhausting! I just want to feel even and balanced. I'm sorry for blabbing on here, but I guess I just wanted to "say" it and start trying to get past this.

I read all the recent posts, so glad people are doing well - and Choice, really happy for you that you two are talking and getting places :l Anon, choochie, spinning, icandothis and everyone else - hi and well done Dewdrop on 50 days - you go! :goodjob: