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**Pink Angel** · October 3, 2010, 10:17 PM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Welcome back Hazel! Well done for your honesty. And yes it was a good move coming back here. We missed you! I hope you can find the help you need here.
Luv pink xxoo

**SKendall** · October 3, 2010, 10:29 PM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Welcome back. Just get back on the horse! It's a tough road to hoe, that's for sure.

**hazeleyes** · October 4, 2010, 12:23 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Thanks Pink and Skendal
Appreciate your support
H

**Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)** · October 4, 2010, 01:56 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Hello Hazel, welcome back. Unfortunately your experience is all too common. It seems that is the nature of the beast. Lovely to have you back among us.

**hazeleyes** · October 4, 2010, 02:28 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Thanks Ktab, I am sad it is all too common as well.

I wish for us all the power to live AF, forever.

**choice** · October 4, 2010, 04:16 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Hi Hazeleyes,
Welcome back! I could see getting to 60 days and thinking I'd figured this drinking problem out enough to drink again... I've already had thoughts like that and I'm not even that far along. (6 weeks AF today)... I bet since you did it before, you'll find success again sooner then you know. Also thanks for being honest about what happened by not sticking close to the site... I don't want to underestimate how helpful it is to stay AF.
-Choice

**Anjicia** · October 4, 2010, 05:34 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Welcome back Hazel. I slipped recently again but definalty back on the wagon from today. I've an upset tum and low energy so i know the feeling all too well. I wish you luck hun.

**Dewdrop** · October 4, 2010, 06:50 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Hi there Hazel :welcome:

Great that you've come back and all the experience you have from the past will put you in good stead to make this a huge success.

Looking forward to getting to know you better, some of us are on the Sober October Challange why not join us.

Dewdrop :h

**gyco** · October 4, 2010, 06:56 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

hazeleyes;972886 wrote: Hello Everyone

Its been many months since I was a regular on this site.

I started well getting sober after 3 years by joining this site. I came on here every day and managed to stay sober for 60+ days. Then I decided I was fine and I could moderate and still have a happy life. I was wrong.

Looking back I realise that in my 60 days I got well, and even created a new business from scratch. The business is up and running and starting to grow but I started drinking wine again and I am now struggling. No energy, no creativity, and wondering why I am not happy anymore.

I am back to drinking 3 bottles of wine every week and I suddenly came to it today that I am right back where I started. UKblonde and others told me this happened to them, but I thought I was different.

Anyway, I need your help again. I will come here everyday and support all of you and hopefully you will help me to get off the wine for good this time and begin again.

Sorry to disappoint anyone, I am here to start again.

Day 1 for me starts today!
Thanks for reading
H

hi hazel eyes,welcom back,:welcome:where theres a will theres a way :goodjob:gyco

**greeneyes** · October 4, 2010, 07:15 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Hazeleyes, that's an important discovery - that you can't mod. It is liberating as it takes the wondering, worrying, mulling, wishing, etc. off the table. Good for you for recognizing what was happening and coming back! Now you can get on with your sober life without that nagging modding question. Revamp your plan and stick to it!

**cmhguy3** · October 4, 2010, 08:32 AM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Welcome back Hazeleyes! I am only a few days behind your revelation! I have also been a member of this site for a few years and have made the 60 day mark several times only to fall back into old habits. I can so relate to your post and how your mind is clear, things are going good, business is doing well so you celebrate, only to find one drink leads to four, then leads to more and more and BAM your back on what I call "the hampster wheel of addiction"! Great thing is, this is an ACCEPTING group and they welcome us back with open arms! We can do this!!!!!!

Guy
Day 5 AF!

**hazeleyes** · October 4, 2010, 02:59 PM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Thanks to Choice, Firefox, Dewdrop, Gyco, Greeneyes, and Cmhguy for your supportive and understanding comments. I really appreciate your acceptance. I had no idea that others might feel similar to me.

Great to be on Day 2, here's to a better future for us all AF
H

**Doggygirl** · October 4, 2010, 03:52 PM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Hazeleyes, I did EXACTLY what you did. After 60 days AF in 2007, I decided to drink, thought I was different, thought I could control it if I was "careful" etc. etc. That was a disaster for me. I knew it right away but really struggled (8 months) to muster up the *whatever* to get back on the wagon.

AL is cunning, baffling, powerful indeed. I know better than to believe any AL lies any more. It will NEVER be OK for me to drink. I can drink if I want to, but I can never ever drink safely. Sorry you had to learn that one the hard way too, but like Greenie said, you might find it very liberating on some level.

DG

**rebirth** · October 4, 2010, 03:59 PM

Ashamed to be back after months away

Hi Hazel,
I have missed your cute avatar. I am glad you are back to remind me that I have to stay AF. I always wonder whether I could moderate after a length of time but I have not heard of anyone succeeding as yet. Thanks for your post.

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