Hello again to my self loathing

[lil.michelle]

For no reason i drank today. After months of no drinking, no antabuse, i drunk... why, no idea. I knew i was going to yet i kept it to myself. Was it worth it..NO. Was it enjoyable...NO I'm just sitting here thinking, well that was shit. Although i know i;ve come soooo far and that this will not happen again for a long time, i just wish i could say it'll not happen again but i bet it does.
I feel i've let myself down, not to mention my family. My depression has hit rock bottom today after drink and the self loathing, feeling like a crap person is back! I almost get panic attacks or something simlar when i drink now. I just have to breathe really slowly and talk myself through it. In the end, ive done sooo well. 2 plus months of no antabuse and no drink. I drank slowly, didn't get wasted, didn't get into any fights, did it at the end of the day...no physical harm done just let me and most importantly my family down...
Back on the sober horse tomorrow. I just pray i can sleep through the night tonight without waking up and hating myself.
Off to bed feeling shit in more ways then one. Sorry for the random moan. Just need to get through tonight. It'll be better in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

[hazeleyes]

Hello again to my self loathing

Hi lil.michelle

Well thats a bummer, but never mind. Lets forget the past and move on to a better future having learn't that you need more help to get you through.

Great idea to come on and share what happened, sleep it off, and start again tomorrow.

(Maybe you could cut out a picture of Rat Poison and stick it to your AL bottle to remind you its poison - just a thought)

We don't need AL to be happy
Be strong
H

[cuckoosnest83]

Hello again to my self loathing

Hello lil.milchelle. I did that one day. I woke up one morning and went into work and it was a foregone conclusion that I would drink. No debate, nothing. I just knew I would drink that day. I don't know why that happens. We do let ourselves down but the worse thing we can do is berate ourselves. You need to do exactly what you say, back on the sober horse tomorrow but back here on MWO with plenty of support. Don't beat yourself up, just another step in learning how to live without alcohol. My best to you.

[symbols]

Hello again to my self loathing

HI Lil,

I think that relapsing comes from two angles. First is our ego telling ourselves how good we are for not drinking and how cool it is that it's in our past. The second is that that leads to easing up on the daily routines we take to stay sober, be it supplements, diet or coming here a couple times a day. Then the day comes when you KNOW your gonna be drinkin' tonight! That's how it was for me last friday. And the last trigger was deep house cleaning, which was a biggie in the past.

We get back up when the bike hits a bump or and we drive after the first bumper to bumper accident. Just dust off and start again.

Never give up as long as ur breathing!

[lil.michelle]

Hello again to my self loathing

well i made it through the night getting a decent...ish nights sleep. Just get today over with i'llbe back on track tomorrow!Drinking isjust not worth it! Thank god i'm slowly learning that but my occasional slips still suck!!!!!

[Dewdrop]

Hello again to my self loathing

Hi there :welcome:

Just dropping by to say hello, glad you made it through the night and onto another day and looking forward to geting to know you better.

Dewdrop :h