I'm back here at MWO again. Have tried to quit two different times and the most I was able to accomplish was 12 days AF. Tried to moderate - does not work for me. I don't drink to the point of blacking out and rarely wake up with a really bad hangover - just wake up with the fuzzy head, sometimes headache, and the awful anxiety of realizing I drank again the night before. I always have the best intentions in the morning - I won't drink tonight - and always by the ride home from work, I am so looking forward to that 1st glass of wine. Back here because it feels like family. I love this place and always feel like there are so many other people going through the same thing as me. My story is not exciting - I truly believe I drink because of boredom and I'm trying to figure out what I can do to take up the space when I'm usually drinking. Thanks to all that take the time to read this. First thing I know I need to do is get rid of all the AL in this house!
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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. -
JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Hi Jolie, welcome back. You know I really think to get going on this you HAVE to be in the right mindset. It really needs to be the most important thing in your life, for now anyway. It is big, and the degree we drink isn't that important - if we're worried about it it's going to keep getting worse - without a doubt, so the thing is to try and stop before it spirals into an out and out nightmare. Problem drinking IMHO can NOT become 'unproblem' drinking, wish it could.
Boredom is a big factor, with me I lost interest in things I loved - books, gardening, music, lots of stuff, because NOTHING was important compared to drink - and because of drink I couldn't do them anyway - didn't read a book from cover to cover for about 2 years.
Now I have a queue of books waiting for me - and I want everyone of them. I have pots to pot up in the garden - and I want to do them, and my piano is back giving me joy - I used to avert my eyes from it when I walked thro the room cos I felt so guilty 'abandoning' it. When you get your sober MOJO going, the boredom will go as well. And yes, get the booze out of the house. We had a houseful of booze up to a short while ago and hubs just dumped it (I think? He prob has it stashed somewhere!!) cos I was wobbly - I felt a load off when it was gone and didn't know it bothered me at all.
Sorry for the epistle, just I've been where you are and I want you to know how WORTH it this is
MollyContentedly sober since 27/12/2011
contentedly NF since 8/04/14
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Jolie, I am 6 days AF, so I'm new. It's amazing to me but when I read what people write it's like I'm truly reading about myself - I could have written it. I am very "high functioning" like you - could always drag myself through the day, but what torture! I was enduring life, not enjoying it - just living for 5 pm when I could get numb.
Sleep disturbance and my husband getting cancer are what made me bottom out and try this website. It has helped me tremendously - just reading everything people are writing, and the responses they give to me -- can't begin to tell you the difference it's made. I know I'm early on, but I FEEL this is different and that I'll make it. If not, I'll just keep trying till I do.
What Molly is saying is true for me too - I now look forward to reading, cooking - just the little things that I totally lost interest in because of AL - it robs you of everything. Even if you're not totally at the bottom yet, you will get there. It just gets worse - and I don't think moderation is an option (not for me for sure).
Stick with this site, go to the chat room, and replace your cocktail hour with other things. I know it can work! The best thing is that soon you won't feel like you're missing out on anything - you will feel the opposite - like you have gained everything and embraced life and living fully.
Here's a book that might help if you're interested.
Amazon.com: The Tao of Sobriety: Helping You to Recover from Alcohol and Drug Addiction (9780312242503): David Gregson, Jay S. Efran, G. Alan Marlatt: Books
Hang with us!Comment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Hi Jolie. I'm only on day 5 and like you I have tried to quit more than once. What you wrote is so much how I felt and to a degree still feel. Every morning, waking up and promising myself I wouldn't drink but by the time I left work, the urge to stop and buy a bottle was irresitible. One thing I did that helped me to get home without stopping at the liquor store was making up an index card of little sayings such as, "I can get through this moment" "One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time" etc. and when I was driving home from work if I felt the urge to stop I would just glance at my index card. Another thing that someone on this site once wrote is that 4 of the worst words in a person with a drinking problem vocabulary are "F$%& It" and "Who Cares". I know when I was debating stopping at the liquor store once either of those phrases entered my head, the battle was lost. I don't know if these are phrases you use but if they are, try to eliminate them from your thought process.
I'm glad you're here and wish you all the success in your journey to be AF.
CucksComment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Hi Jolie: yes, your story sounds SO familiar .. the good intentions in the morning, slipping away by 5 p.m. .... You sound determined and this site is the best support in the world!!! I know what you mean about it being like family ...
Cucks, I llike the index card idea a lot ... !!!:boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!Comment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Hi Jolie and welcome back. I can relate to so much of what you said! I too woke up thousands and thousands of mornings saying "not today" only to cave later on the same day.
On the boredom. I have no idea if this is true for you, but this is what was true for me. There were times I thought I drank due to boredom. (And at other times I thought I drank due to other stuff - shitty boss, problems at home, stress, etc.) I finally realized that drinking was CAUSING the boredom for me. I was just like Mollyka. Drinking became my #1 priority and took precedence over doing much of anything else, especially during my non-work time.
Don't let the "high functioning" thing fool you. I was " very high functioning" at one point. Then I became "high functioning." It wasn't quite as easy as it used to be, but I was still holding it together by a hair, at least on the surface. Then I became "not quite so high functioning." I rearranged my career to accomodate my need to drink earlier in the day, etc. Even though I never technically got fired from a job (I quit when my boss was on to my problem), and never got a DUI or lost my marriage or any of the most visible problems, I still progressed to "barely functioning." I actually wanted to end my life at one point out of desparation and misery. I am convinced that given the progressive nature of this affliction, I would have become "non-functioning" at some point. High functioning alcoholics like me (when I was still high functioning) are still alcoholics. I've sure learned that.
Take your life back. End the madness. Do whatever you have to do.
DGSobriety Date = 5/22/08
Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07
One day at a time.
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
My 'high functionality' was something like DG's, definitely a very slippery slope, never called on anything, job or driving,' just' my family, but without a doubt it was only a matter of when! The other frightening thing was , that although never actually suicidal, I knew 100% that if I kept drinking I would be well dead by the time I was 60 (I'm 54 now) and I really didn't care - nothing was more important than my drinking. Holy cow what a disease!
MollyContentedly sober since 27/12/2011
contentedly NF since 8/04/14Comment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Me too. It is so frightening to me to look back at that truth. I pray every day for the strength to not drink. It WILL kill me if I do.mollyka;978463 wrote: My 'high functionality' was something like DG's, definitely a very slippery slope, never called on anything, job or driving,' just' my family, but without a doubt it was only a matter of when! The other frightening thing was , that although never actually suicidal, I knew 100% that if I kept drinking I would be well dead by the time I was 60 (I'm 54 now) and I really didn't care - nothing was more important than my drinking. Holy cow what a disease!
Molly
DGSobriety Date = 5/22/08
Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07
One day at a time.
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
I've learned over the years that "high functioning" doesn't mean anything with alcoholism. If you're addicted, you're addicted and slowly but surely it will affect every area of your life, it just takes time. I decided I don't want to wait around and see what will happen next!
So here I am. This is a great place to come for support.
Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.:hComment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Hi there Jolie,
You'ce had lots of great advice so far and I'm just dropping by to say hello and hang in there as it is so worth it to get sober and free from the horrible addiction that drags us all into the gutter eventually.
Keep posting and reading and asking for support.
Dewdrop :hEnjoy today - there will be no other one quite like it....Comment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Mollyka - thanks so much for your words of wisdom. I understand what you are saying about alcohol taking over my life and being the #1 priority in it. Everything revolves around it from not wanting to go anywhere so I can stay home and drink to hitting different liquor stores on the way home so I wouldn't be a "regular".
Choochie - congrats on 6 days - you and I both know what a huge achievement that is! Sorry to hear about your husband's illness. You are very strong to have stopped drinking. I too love to cook so I'm hoping to fill time with that and getting back to playing the piano on a regular basis.
Cuckoo and Dexer - thanks so much for your encouragement - you are all keeping me strong tonight!
Doggiegirl - I realize what you are saying - "high functioning" doesn't mean anything if you are still an addict. You are awesome - 2+ years sober!
icandothis and dewdrop - I plan on hanging around, reading and posting whenever I can. I want to beat AL this time - feel like I am wasting my life away! Need to do something productive with my life and not be so damned dependent on the AL.
Thanks to all of you - it really means a lot to know people care.Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.Comment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Hi Jolie,
I hear ya. I have the same problem as you do in that, over time alcohol loses its bite, and starts looking good again!
I am not currently taking Antabuse, but I have and had pretty good success with it. It got me sober two different times just over a month each.
Since this is a place for suggestions, just wanted to throw my two cents in to.
Best of Luck to you, you can do it.I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!Comment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Jolie - have a good evening. I'm reading a good book. Stay strong.Comment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Jolie, I can so relate to hitting the different liquor stores so I didn't become a "regular." Sad thing is, after a while they all knew my choice of drink so I guess I wasn't fooling anyone other than myself.
Take care and know that we are here when you need us.Comment
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JUST WANT TO QUIT!
Jolie, just wondering how you are doing? Please come post and let us know.Comment
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