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[Guest]

Well here I am back again. Basically I drank again - last Thursday evening and then Sunday through yesterday until I went to bed last night.

What happened?

I lost my head, and it was some time ago. I let too much in which took over my ODAT, pootling along thoughts and removed them. I was a walking time-bomb and not a very happy, nor nice person to get along with.

This is what happens when you think you can have a busy, full life again. I can't.

I've not had a drink to day and have had to reel right back. This meant a day off work, during which I have had to deal with people who want me back in. Well hard luck. I knew if I ran round like an idiot I'd be stressed out, on the drink again. I have to have my space and lots of it. I already feel under pressure but got to remember there is no me if I pander to others and let them get to me.

I'm not going back to AA at the moment as I feel it contributed to what was going on, was just one other demand on my time. I work best when I pootle and do what feels right without too much expectation. Worked last time. I don't dispute what AA do, and I actually believe whole-heartedly in their programme, it just just doesn't seem to work for me in the meeting context. So I'm going to take a break, get myself back together and see what happens. Have thought about Antabuse but don't think that's the answer as so many have drunk on it, and many stop taking it thinking they are ok then it turns out they've been planning a lapse all along.

Back to basics for now.

[K9Lover]

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Thinking of you UK :l

Get back in there honey, you can do it!!! :h

[techie]

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Thinking of you too Blondie. Do it your way. There are just parts of our past, relationships mostly, that just don't fit in an AF lifestyle. It took me time to realize the impact these were having on me. You go "back to basics!"

[HoldingPattern]

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Hi Ukblonde,

Your post really resonated with me. It sounds to me like you are probably a fellow Introvert (Jungian personality trait)-- I made a thread about introversion here, you might find it interesting.

Excerpts from your post:

Ukblonde;980082 wrote:

This is what happens when you think you can have a busy, full life again. I can't.

I have to have my space and lots of it. I already feel under pressure but got to remember there is no me if I pander to others and let them get to me.

I'm not going back to AA at the moment as I feel it contributed to what was going on, was just one other demand on my time. I work best when I pootle and do what feels right without too much expectation.

Man, these describe me soooo well. Well, except for the AA part, as I haven't been to an AA meeting. But like you pointed out it's another demand on your time. Argh. I'm to the point where "vacation" for me can just be any block of time where I don't have any external commitments/expectations-- no work, no social plans, no phone calls. This kind of "Staycation" at home can be way more relaxing than a trip to somewhere that involves an itinerary, being certain places at certain time, dealing with people, etc., even if it happens to be in some tropical paradise, or whatever.

Anyway, just wanted to empathize with your "just leave me alone!" sentiment: :lalala:

[Kimberley]

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Hi UKB,

I like the way you are very rational about your issues and can recognise your triggers - Ok a liitle bit late this time, but many of us don't even seem to be able to see them when they're happening or have just happened let alone when they're impending. I too am guilty of letting people put too much pressure on me or taking on too much. You have taught me a lesson too.

Hope you're not feeling too bad and can use this experience to learn lessons for the future (sounds like you can).
K x

[Guest]

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Wow, I never thought of myself as that way because I'm such a 'extrovert' in such a lot of things. Yup 'staycation' pottering around quietly is heaven for me.

[Guitarista]

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I think a busy and full life must be what we define that as. Just pottering around at my own pace is busy and fullfilling. It was alway's a great learning experience for me when i went back to drinking and stopped again. Glad you stopped, and great to see you back here.

Go for it UK.

[greeneyes]

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I agree with greg, blonde. Busy and fullfilling is but a description that is open to interpretation. I think happy is what matters. I have to keep my commitments to a minimum to be happy. Having too many (whatever they may be) can be stressful to me as it feels like pressure. I hope you quickly come to terms with what state works best for you and how to maintain it. Best to you!

[Choochie]

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Starting Over

UKB - sorry you relapsed but glad you came back here. I too have had to change the "other people" part of my life. First of all, I really don't enjoy being with other people that much any more (used to be a highly social animal) and am truly happy at home. I have the luxury of working out of my house, so that helps tremendously. I know that some people would be the opposite and need not to be alone but it's what works best for me. A simple life with the least amount of pressure......

We'll we're here and listening if there's anything we can do:exclamation:

[Seethepony]

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Hi UK, I too had a crafty one on Friday which turned into a fairly miserable piss-up. The strange thing is, after 11 days AF, on Baclofen, I was getting tired of feeling sleepy the whole time and I consciously wanted to put a stick of dynamite in my head just to clear some cobwebs. Ah well, it looked like a good plan at the time!

Strangely I had no problem getting my act together again on Sunday and feel none of the sleepiness that I had before falling off the wagon. So, for me, no regrets and best of all, no inclination to repeat that piss up again in the near future.

By the way, what's an "ODAT"?

[Guest]

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One Day At a Time