Hi, newbie

[Longshot]

Hi, my wife AllyB has been posting here.

I've been taking Bachlofen for about a week now. I've had two slips, and they've been bad (like literally I have no idea how I got home last night, I lost two mobile phones a laptop bag, and was covered in scraps and my glasses were completely trashed)

I genuinely believe AA fucked me up badly, turning up and hearing that I was hopeless and controlled by addiction was physiologically the last thing I needed to hear, I was love bombed and then got the kind of withering damaging personality tearing down.

I've been in rehab, but aside from AA there was no real after care provided or suggested. It seems idiotic to give NHS detox but limited aftercare.

[Choochie]

Hi, newbie

Welcome!

Longshot,

Hi - I'm 9 days AF and I attribute it mostly to this site. I had not tried AA, but had tried twice on my own to quit (with the help of books). I tried to moderate with the help of a book also, but it didn't work for me.

Anyway, there are people here who have years under their belt and luckily they are amazingly kind and helpful. They'll answer your questions and be very open with you. I'm sure you'll see the link for information and posts about the medications for moderation.

I just wanted to formally say welcome because when people did that for me it made me feel comfortable enough to stay. Reading everything on the site has been invaluable.

[sapphire1]

Hi, newbie

Longshot;980892 wrote: Hi, my wife AllyB has been posting here.

I've been taking Bachlofen for about a week now. I've had two slips, and they've been bad (like literally I have no idea how I got home last night, I lost two mobile phones a laptop bag, and was covered in scraps and my glasses were completely trashed)

I genuinely believe AA fucked me up badly, turning up and hearing that I was hopeless and controlled by addiction was physiologically the last thing I needed to hear, I was love bombed and then got the kind of withering damaging personality tearing down.

I've been in rehab, but aside from AA there was no real after care provided or suggested. It seems idiotic to give NHS detox but limited aftercare.

Hi LOngshot,

Welcome:welcome: I have been following your journey through your wifes posts and I am very happy to see you here. First and foremost you are not hopeless, you are not a weak willed, morally deficient person....you are someone who happens to have a lot of difficulty with an addiction, that in my opinion can be successfully controlled. Please dont be discouraged by your slips FAIL YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS!!!!! by that I dont mean fail as in your efforts have meant nothing, but simply that setbacks actually make us wiser and give us insights into where we dont want to be anymore. I have struggled with this for ten years and have tried everything within my power to break free. I can relate to what has happened with you recently and your lapses. I urge you to keep trying because I believe that you will make it! Stay on these boards, talk to others who have long term sobriety, there is so much help for us here and so many wonderful people willing to support you all the way. Saffy

[Pride before Fall]

Hi, newbie

Hi Longshot,

Welcome. At least you got home without serious injuries, and losing the stuff is annoying but it can be replaced. I'm not encouraging you to drink, but if you're going to drink to the point of blackout, it would probably be safer to do it at home until you're ready to have another go at abstinence.

You might like "Sober for Good," By Anne Fletcher. Amazon.com: Sober for Good (0046442912013): Anne M. Fletcher M.S. R.D.: Books
She interviews more than 200 people who have been sober for a minimum of five years; some used AA, many did not. They describe the dozens of ways they quit, and one of them might click for you. I got the Audiobook from Audible.com.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with AA. I don't go personally, but it has helped a lot of people, and I think the quality and the tone of the meetings, and the 'regulars', can vary quite a bit. There might have been a meeting somewhere else that would've been a better fit for you. There are other organizations less focused on powerlessness (the support of other drinkers being, to me, the key element in any of the AL/drug groups' successes--it's just AA's been around the longest and is the most prevalent).

Have you gone through the baclofen threads? There's a lot of information/advice on how much to take, when to take it, and whether it worsens/lessens the effects of drinking. Also, Pompeyman, who posts on this board, is going for outpatient AL support a couple of days a week. I think you're both in the UK(?). If you called the rehab you attended, they might be able to point to a continuing care program like that.

Hang in there,

Pride

[Longshot]

Hi, newbie

Hey;

Re reading my thread, I think I come across as far too negative.

If AA works for people, fantastic! I will not denigrate, or dismiss anyones personal journey to recover, and if AA helps someone get and remain sober fantastic.

I should also explain, I've been to dozens of different meetings in Ireland and the UK, I really am not dismissing away after just dabbling with it. I think however if your copy of the big book is soaked in vodka (like I did with mine by accident) it's time to think of a different path.

What I'm angry about AA, is I think telling people in the middle of a self destructive drinking spiral, that they are powerless and suffering a disease is seriously fucking damaging. Like Stan's dad in that episode of South Park, I leapt on this, and in fact my drinking spiralled out of control. Telling someone they're not in charge of their drinking is dangerous.

Also the double standard and hypocrisy. You're told "fake it till you make", but I was told by a member who's opinion I respected, and thought he could be my sponsor, that I was just "mouthing platitudes" , this immensely fucked me up, and to be honest my first reaction is "this is why I started started binging again" but that's AA think. I drink because I choose to.

As to drinking at home, it's a nice idea, but I don't think I could deal with drinking in front of my wife, alot of my issues are about shame, and guilt.

[mario]

Hi, newbie

Hi and welcome longshot to mwo, this is a great community with lots of support & good advice from people who are/were you are now,read as many posts/threads as you can and continue to share your thoughts and feelings,goodluck and give yourself a chance. :-)

[Pride before Fall]

Hi, newbie

I think however if your copy of the big book is soaked in vodka (like I did with mine by accident) it's time to think of a different path. >> :H:H:H

[Dewdrop]

Hi, newbie

Hi Longshot,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome you to MYO. I haven't used the meds nor AA so I can't comment on them personally but know many others on here who have had success with either and/or both. I guess it just depends what works for you as everyone is different, has different issues and different needs but the great thing is if something doesn't work for you then you can move on and find something else and it looks like the Baclofen might be the tool for you.

I have only used the supplements, reading and meditation, and of course the support of this site which for me has been crucial to me remaining AF for 51 days now. I have only ever managed 9 days Af during the past 25+ years so I can't recommend this site highly enough. If you want to quit - really want to quit - you can do it.

Good luck

Dewdrop :h

[Choochie]

Hi, newbie

Man, I just love to hear this kind of thing! Thanks from me Dewdrop

[dancelot]

Hi, newbie

What I'm angry about AA, is I think telling people in the middle of a self destructive drinking spiral, that they are powerless and suffering a disease is seriously fucking damaging. Like Stan's dad in that episode of South Park, I leapt on this, and in fact my drinking spiralled out of control. Telling someone they're not in charge of their drinking is dangerous.

I drink because I choose to.

Welcome Longshot!

I chose to drink too. It had serious consequences. Once I started drinking, I was never in charge of it. No matter that I intended to control it, or just have just a couple - it rarely happened. If I was lucky enough to stick to that one time, the next time I wasn't - usually because I'd believe I was "OK" - as if one successful time out of 1,000 made me normal. That's the difference between someone with a "drinking problem" and someone normal.

Today I choose not to. I am not powerless. It took me some sober time to realize what that meant. I am powerless over alcohol if I choose to drink it. What the BB is referring to is the addiction, not that we are powerless - or immoral - people. If willpower and good intentions alone were enough, none of us would be here. Am I powerless over alcohol? Uh, yeah if I think about it... yeah, that would be an understatement.

I got sober using nutrition & supplements and MWO support and more recently added AA. I believe alcoholism is primarily physical & mental. Spirituality rounds me out as a person, and therefore helps keep me sober. I personally don't believe any one of these alone would have been enough. I also had to be 100% committed to the idea I had to change now (or die). I drank for 36 years and it came down to one of two choices. I have been AF for 14 months now.

Longshot;981124 wrote: Hey;

Re reading my thread, I think I come across as far too negative.

If AA works for people, fantastic! I will not denigrate, or dismiss anyones personal journey to recover, and if AA helps someone get and remain sober fantastic.

I appreciate that! I agree that this is a personal journey, and whatever works for any given person is fine by me. I didn't use meds myself, but if that's what it took, I would have no qualms whatsoever. I am happy to have as many options as are available, should I need them.

There's lots of information and support on this site. I used it to find "my way out" - and did. Best of luck with whatever path you choose - and never be afraid to try something new if you need to!

[K9Lover]

Hi, newbie

Hi Longshot and welcome!
I am not a huge fan of AA, but I do have a lot of respect for them. I never sat in a room full of people drinking, so I don't think sitting in a room full of people helps me stay sober. But different things work for different people. I am glad you've joined us...keep on posting. I look forward to getting to know you!
K9

[techie]

Hi, newbie

Hi Longshot and welcome. Looking forward to getting to know you. The AA path was not for me either and why I'm here. I wish you the best. Keep posting!

[Choochie]

Hi, newbie

Dancelot,

I like what you've said here. It's funny how important it is that we have the correct way (for us) to think about all these different terms. I think your explanation of being powerless once we get started on AL versus being powerless in general is a small but profound nuance. Helps me!

[Longshot]

Hi, newbie

Dewdrop;981407 wrote: Hi Longshot,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome you to MYO. I haven't used the meds nor AA so I can't comment on them personally but know many others on here who have had success with either and/or both. I guess it just depends what works for you as everyone is different, has different issues and different needs but the great thing is if something doesn't work for you then you can move on and find something else and it looks like the Baclofen might be the tool for you.

I have only used the supplements, reading and meditation, and of course the support of this site which for me has been crucial to me remaining AF for 51 days now. I have only ever managed 9 days Af during the past 25+ years so I can't recommend this site highly enough. If you want to quit - really want to quit - you can do it.

Good luck

Dewdrop :h

Thank you, like I said I don't disrespect AA for those who it works for. It's just the attitude among AA that A) you're helpless without AA and will die without it. B) being told to fake it till you make it, and then get told by a group chair, that you're just mouthing platitudes. I've seen people in AA for decades dominant meetings, meetings with people who are desperately looking for help, and come to AA meetings being told that this is the only hope for the cure to their problem, and they get to endure the ramblings from some old timer who's repeating the same story they regurgitate at ever meeting.