Brand spanking new..

[Choochie]

Brand spanking new..

Snowball, I was just writing on another post about the honeymoon period, or pink cloud effect. You'll see lots of stuff here that pertains to it.

You've gotten good advice here, but I just wanted to say welcome. This site helps me every day. I stay pretty glued to it and post often. It just helps me to stay involved.

I agree that it's really hard to create a new you. I loved loved loved drinking until it got the best of me. I just try hard to remember the downside that got me here! :colorwelcome:

[Snowball79]

Brand spanking new..

Thanks for that Choochie!

I guess that that must be what I am feeling... a sort of bottomless pit. It is not even like I am tempted to go back to drinking but I miss the buzz.. even though they got less and less and
i virtually destroyed my health and life. Crazy huh??

[savon19]

Brand spanking new..

Snowball79;981806 wrote: Thanks for that Choochie!

I guess that that must be what I am feeling... a sort of bottomless pit. It is not even like I am tempted to go back to drinking but I miss the buzz.. even though they got less and less and
i virtually destroyed my health and life. Crazy huh??

Not crazy, Snowball. You should be very proud of yourself for what you've already accomplished. That post was GREAT. I related very much...

[havefaith]

Brand spanking new..

Snowball.....
OMG!
We must be on the same exact same wave length or something?
I just finished reading your post & I could of wrote it myself(give or take a few things)
I feel like i"m going through some kind of Funk right now- Although I desperately want to be sober
I'm so freak'n Bored!!!!!
Iknow that lifestyle would get me into trouble on occasion, it's what I knew for socializing(this is definately going to take some getting used to).
But not only that- like you mentioned, rebuilding your life from all the damage you created from the years of drinking-that's not much fun either. So I guess right now I'm not feeling the pleasures of being Sober! Oh well... Tomorrows a different day!

[Snowball79]

Brand spanking new..

Morning,

I am really glad that some of you got relate to what I said. It is good to know that I am not on my own in this.
As I said in my original post I have had so much support from everybody close to me and that has really helped me to get through these past couple of months.
At the start sober was fun.. I felt proud waking up without a hangover and remembering what I had done the day before. When I was in hospital they said that getting a routine was key to recovery, so I did that.. unfortunately my routine is going to bed early with a cup of hot chocolate and listening to the radio to put me to sleep! I am glad that is working as I was having a ridiculous amount of trouble actually sleeping before.. when i was still drinking.. and convinced myself that I could only sleep when drunk. I am glad that I know longer have the horrors of not knowing what I had done the night before.. but these have been turned into the horrors of knowing exactly what i have done over the past ffteen years or so and the people I have hurt/relationships I have ruined, hurtful things I have said.. and in a way that is even harder to deal with.
I don't know what I expected when I became sober. My life had literally become an alcoholic haze. I turned into a person that I didn't want to be.. and that a lot of people didn't want to be with. I never broke the law or physically hurt anybody... but I turned into a liar, a person full of deceit, a liability I suppose. I became and remained for a long time VERY SELFISH. I just didn't care. The one and only thing on my mind was when and where I would get my next drink from.
It got to the point where I couldn't go or be anywhere and not have a drink on my person. That resulted in me buying handbags large enough to 'hide' a bottle of whatever in. I say hide but I have learnt since that all of those close to me knew what i was doing. I was permanently drunk and my stupidity made me think that it was my own little secret.
So much had gone wrong from drinking that I really thought that when I stopped life would be so much better. I am one for instant gratification and I truely believed that contentment would land happily on my lap as soon as I stopped. unfortunately I have not seen that yet.
In hospital they said that you had to completely change your lifestyle to recover. Stop seeing the people that you used to see, stop going to the old places. Over the last few years my social circle had become a lot smaller and I had stopped going out in the evening, prefering to get drunk on my own in the house and only going to bed when I passed out - whatever time of the day or night that was. Because of that I am not particularly missing pubs/clubs because I hadn't done them for so long anyway.
I got myself a leisure card that can be used in any gym in the city so have been keeping myself busy going swimming/gym/classes etc... but I am still just bored. I wake up every day knowing exactly what is going to happen - my routine is that rigid - and the joy I initially got from that is dwindling fast.
This is hard to explain really because I am not saying that I want to go out and get smashed 1) I know I would instantly regret it 2) There is no benefit to doing that 3) I have come to far.. But this sobriety is making me want more excitement and a buzz that I have yet not discovered how to create.
My friends drink, my boyfriend drinks, my family drink. i don't drink. No wine at sunday lunch or to relax in the evening. No crazy nights out chewing the fat and retelling old stories on a Friday night. No way of getting that 'loose' feeling where every care or worry is distinguished by a few (or more) drinks.. and that is my forever.
I am sure this will get easier and my life will eventually reroute itself on the path of sobriety and I am sure I will find another way to relax and have fun.. hopefully one day without the use of these flipping tablets. But in the meantime it is just all so BORING!

[rebirth]

Brand spanking new..

I really like your honesty Snowball. When I think back to why I drank in the first place, it was because of peer pressure. I hated the taste of alcohol, i hated how it made me feel. I did not understand why people would drink this stuff. I then began to like it and saw how much fun it was to get drunk with my friends. But I use to do that once in a blue moon. I never drank in the house, I never bought it to drink at home. My life did not evolve around alcohol or drinking. Thats the difference.

You are bored Snowball because you are use to sitting there and only drinking. You have become so use to drinking all the time that you cant imagine doing anything else. It's your addictive brain telling you that you are bored. I get these thoughts too but I shut them up.

I refuse to listen to my addictive brain. I refuse to listen to that voice that says life is better when I drink. I do enjoy your posts Snowball because they help me sort out my thoughts too.
Hope your day is better. x

[Peacefull]

Brand spanking new..

I love to read and that is what is helping me. Right now I am reading everything about addiction, fiction or not. The book I am reading now the main character relapsed after rehab and I actually felt the pain of what drinking again would feel like. We need to constantly remind ourselves why we quit, not always think of why we liked to drink. Drinking for me definitely filled the time and I struggle with being alone rather than when I am out. When I am out, not drinking doesn't bother me at all. When I am home alone with my thoughts, look out , I really need to refocus my thoughts and activities.

Fridays are especially hard as my husband gets home later and my old addictive voice would say "It's Friday, grab a bottle of wine and relax - you deserve it!!" Deserve it, what did I deserve the horrible anxiety the next day that the few hours of escape. No more!! now I am shifting my thoughts to It's Friday and I am so happy that I will be sober, hangover free and productive all weekend. Getting things done around the house that have been neglected.

Let's make it through this hurdle, it's definitely hard once the honeymoon phase is over.
Take care,

[SoFlo1]

Brand spanking new..

Snowball, love your openness. Reading your OP and follow up, I'm sort of hearing equal parts of justifiable pride at your accomplishment so far (and well done!) but mixed with huge regrets about how your lived your life before, equal parts of satisfaction about the accomplishment of staying on course each day mixed with boredom that each day seems the same. I'm not sure what approach or program you're following, but it seems to me there's a reason why most approaches have some kind of amends/repair up front followed by continuous development through helping others. Maybe you can combat both your regrets and boredom by working those steps/areas/tasks. A lot of long-timers I know seem to have less "down time", inactivity, boredom, etc. than any active drinkers because they've remodeled their life around helpling others.

Anyway, keep up the honesty and willingness and you should get through this period in great shape!

Soflo

[havefaith]

Brand spanking new..

Snowball
I think you nailed it with the Relax part....
That is my biggest issue in every day lfe.
I've used alcohol so long to relax, and I mean for every emotion-(joy,fear, passion,anger, and especially boredom)This is going to take me alot longer than 3months to correct this!
Somedays I just don't feel like I have the strength. Hence the One day at a time.

[Choochie]

Brand spanking new..

HI EVERYONE - OK I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING FOR US HERE. HOPE MY TIMING IS RIGHT. The boredom is a reality for us all -- the new wears off and the elation we felt goes -- we feel like we're FLATLINING! That's my biggest problem too. I KNOW, though, from reading posts by other people that the good feeling comes back. It's just different. So, we have to hold on.

Now, some of you may know of this book and I haven't read it. But, I've seen it referred to several times and it may help us. I just downloaded it on to my Kindle last night and I have to finish another book before I start it. But it may be just what the doctor ordered.

The title is First Year Sobriety by Guy Kettlebach - here's the subtitle: WHEN ALL THAT CHANGES IS EVERYTHING. Sheri, a long-termer here recommended it. Doesn't it make sense to need some guidance for this difficult first chunk of time?

I'll read it soon and try to remember to come back to this thread to report.

Happy weekend and be strong fellow strugglers.

Hugs,
Choochie

[lil.michelle]

Brand spanking new..

Hi hunni, Welcome.
I know exactly what you're saying and feel the same way and at times this causes me to replase. However everytime it happens, i just not worth it. It takes time getting used to being sober and i always feel like quiting drink is like losing a close friend and you go through all the stages...

The first is not believing that this is happening or happened to you. how could you have possibly let a liquid, a drink mess things up for you so much, put you so far back in life.

The second, is anger... Not just being angry at yourself but what you've done to your love ones and friends.

The third, Bargaining, this is the whole, i can drink in moderation, or this is the last time i swear ect ect

Fourth, depression... Life is boring without drink, is this really life... is it worth it...

The last is Acceptance... Getting to this point is bloody hard and when you replase,you go through all the stages again.

In the end, look at the positive. You're 31. You've still got the rest of your life ahead of you, you may feel behind but the truth is, most people don't even know what they want to do in life until your age and then they work towards it. Life is what you want to make of it.

It takes time to adjust to living drink free. When you go to bars, just suck it up and talk to people, dance, make a fool out of yourself. In the end, only you knows you haven't been drinking. As far as everyone else in the bar is concerned, you've had a few. You also get to wake up refreshed with no self hate or hazed memories.

I'm only 26 and i'm still finding my way. I replase from time to time. I understand what you say but it's not worth it

[K9Lover]

Brand spanking new..

Hi Snowball!
I enjoyed reading your last post, and I could relate to most of it. Boredom was my biggest trigger. I haven't been in a bar or a pub or a club in YEARS. My friends and family don't drink a lot. The only pressure I ever felt to drink was coming from ME. I only drank alone. Only now that I've been sober for a while, do I really realize how much I was isolating. I would never leave the house after 7pm, and I was always in a rush to get home so I could crack that first beer. I regret wasting a lot of opportunities to socialize and be involved in different things, but there's no use dwelling on it. I'm realizing now that I was the cause of my boredom, I never wanted to do anything. Now I enjoy being with friends, or just taking the dogs to the dogpark, and my favorite thing is reading...all things I couldn't (or wouldn't) do while drinking.
Anyway, I just wanted to say Hi to you today, and let you know that what you're feeling is not abnormal. For a while I was looking for the excitment or buzz that I thought I was missing...it turned out for me that I don't need it. I hope you too can get to a place where you are happy and fulfilled. Keep us posted on how you're doing! :h
K9

[Snowball79]

Brand spanking new..

Hello everyone..
Thanks again for all of your responses to my messages.. I have really liked reading through them and it is reassuring to know that I am not alone in how I am feeling.
I went to London to visit some friends this weekend and managed to get through it all without drink - not only did I get through - I enjoyed it!
We went to a show and ended up in a pub in Soho... and I actually felt proud to order a blackcurrant and soda water.. how times have changed! Just a couple of months ago I wouldn't have even been able to consider going on the train because of my anxiety and panic attacks - and this weekend I travelled on the tube like a native!
A fun weekend without anxiety, the shakes or alcohol! One point to me I think!!
I am going to read these books that have been recommended.. Thanks again everyone and I hope you are all doing really well.. I know I will get through this.. hopefully we all will xx

[Choochie]

Brand spanking new..

Snowball - I not longer have anxiety either now that I'm AF. I had no idea! I used to wake up at 3 in the morning and just feel panicky - I knew AL was a factor but I never would have dreamed to what extent. I'm impressed with your being able to socialize without AL. I think that's a huge mountain to have topped -- will be a challenge for me but I'm determined!

K9 I think what you said about not needing excitement is perhaps the best thing that's happened to me -- to get rid of that "feeling like you're missing out" and that you have to create something. To be content and peaceful - it's the best thing!

[Wally22]

Brand spanking new..

I have quit drinking several times over the last couple of years. I am on anatabuse now and may stay on it forever. It's my chemical backbone. I do wake up with mini hangovers, but hey so what.
I just had thanksgiving with my extended family and some of us were drinking and some of us weren't. I was worried about how I would handle the day, but ended up having a great time. It felt good. I don't want to isolate myself form those I love.
Not drinking can be a little dull. But I think we need to find new things to get passionate about. Need a thrill, what about skydiving? I did it once, talk about an adrenalin rush.
Other than that, no helpful advice, I feel pretty much the same, but I am hoping that with time this too shall pass. In the meantime congratulations on your current victory over the beast.