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[Snowball79]

Hello everybody,

Apologies if I am posting in the wrong area - I am new to all of this.

I came across this site today accidentally whilst doing a search on the known side effects of my medication. I haven't had a proper mooch through yet but what I have seen looks positive.

A little bit about myself. I have had a drink problem for a long time. I knew this, my loved ones knew this. I have done stupid things and lost friends (for various reasons), built up a 'bad' reputation and done a lot of things that I truely believe I would not have done had i been sober.

I admitted to my problem just over three months ago and have had an incredible amount of support from family, partner, friends and medical profession. In brief, I was admitted to hospital for two weeks to detox from alcohol and had a good experience there.. I can go more into all of this when and if necessary/required.

I have, with the help of medication and strong mind and even stronger support system, been off alcohol for just over three months. Woo hoo! An achievement? Definitely. A struggle? Without a doubt. Everything I dreamed it would be and more? No.

I feel I have hit a bit of a plateau. A staleness has engulfed me over the past week or so that I can not easily explain. I am trying (everyday) to rebuild my life.. to paper over the cracks and holes that drinking definitely created. I am 31 and I feel like
I am starting all over again.. and I have got odd feelings about this.

I am tired of the same old, day in day out of taking medication, getting through without a drink, trying to reach goals that all of my peers reached ten years ago. It's tiring and boring. I am in no doubt that my life is better without the alcohol.. but I can't help but worry that this is it. I have done three months and now I feel that the enormity of what I am doing is just now hitting me. I have been avoiding social occasions, sharing cups of tea with friends and family instead of a bottle of wine, going to bed at ten instead of staying up through the night, not doing anything 'exciting' or'fun' that
I used to do when drunk - bars all night, dancing, talking to random people that I meet .. and honestly? The thought of this being forever terrifies and bores me! I know that I can do all of that without drink but I really just don't feel like it.

Don't get me wrong, I know that I am doing the right thing and I am proud of myself for not drinking.. but I am starting to miss the huge part of me that was that drinker. I am starting to miss the endless chatter I had with various people after having a drink and can't get my head around the fact that I will never be that person again. I know I am now able to develop my personality in different, maybe equally exiting, ways and that's great, but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it. Really miss it.

As I mentioned at the start of this post, I stumbled upon this site accidentally when researching side effects of my medication. In detox I was put on various drugs and some of them I am still taking, three months on. I think I am experiencing some side effects.. grumbiness, general low feelings, pins and needles, decrease in sex drive, waking up each morning feeling like I am hungover (headache, dehydration) even though I am obviously not, extreme tiredness, skin breakouts... I am not due to see my consultant for another month and a bit and I will mention all of this to her of course but I just wondered if anybody else had felt like this? My main drug is Antebuse.. any feedback from anybody else who is on this would be really, gratefully received.

I am sure I will post again.. but in the mean time, just wanted to introduce myself! I hope you are all well.

[Accountable for Me]

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Hi & welcome!

I have been on antabuse a couple of times. It is a fantastic medication, but, yes, it does have some side effects. I ended up with cystic acne the first time around on it. On my forehead. Painful. It also made me feel pretty tired/spaced out. But compared to what drinking was doing to me, these were mild annoyances.

Getting use to life 'sober' is a huge adjustment. That 'thrill' you once had with alcohol (chatting with people, etc) is gone in that sense. This is when the work comes in for you. Your 'pink cloud' is now gone. The high of being sober is gone. Learning new ways to create fun and stimulation in your life is challenging but can be done. Many people resume drinking once the euphoric feeling of sobriety wears off, so this is the time to find new enjoyments for yourself.

Do you have any passions, or hobbies? I am certain that others here might be able to offer you suggestions. Just know that you have come a long way in your recovery and need to kick it up a notch to maintain it.

Anyway, I wanted to welcome you to the board.

[Peacefull]

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I just posted something similar in Monthly Abs thread. I agree with Accountable it is the "Pink Cloud" effect losing it's strength. I am going on 2 months and am experiencing the same, questioning if I am going to moderate, but know right now it is out of the question.

I am going to get healthy, mentally and physically focusing on some major diet changes will hopefully bring back that euphoria that the first weeks of quitting bring.

Keep coming back, this site has helped me tremendously and continues to do so.

[Seethepony]

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Hi Snowball, congratulations on your 3 months sobriety!

I don't know anything about antabuse, except that it didn't work for George Best. But I know what you mean about staleness - that general bland feeling, and the phantom hangovers you get even though you didn't drink anything.

I'm "here" because I wanted to do something about a daily drinking habit that was killing me. In a very short space of time, Baclofen got me down from 8-12 beers a night to 8-12 beers a month. That's not "perfect" but I'm not bothered. I no longer have the desire to get plastered every day. My evenings can be spent on other things than dynamiting my few remaining brain cells.

i might get bollocked for saying this, because moderation as opposed to total abstinence seems to be frowned upon round here, and for good reason, but have you considered trying to "drink normally?" I know that is a dangerous proposition for some people, but I think that is what I am aiming for myself.

Just a though...

[K9Lover]

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Welcome Snowball!
I can relate to your post. I relapsed after 5 months (thankfully it wasn't a prolonged relapse, a couple of times only). I, like you, felt that the "thrill" of being sober had worn off. There are a lot of drunks that are sober, "dry drunks". Quitting drinking is only a small portion of getting sober...building a new life without alcohol is where the challenge comes in. I had to not only change my routines, but my thinking and attitude as well. It took a while for it to sink in that I wasn't depriving myself of anything by not drinking.
Anyway, I am glad you have found us. There is a lot of support and advice around here. Please keep posting so we can share in your journey.
K9

[Accountable for Me]

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The thing that I would suggest is not to isolate yourselves. I did that, and I have a tendency to do that.... it creates boredom; which is also a huge trigger to drink.

I would, however, not head out to the local pub either this early in sobriety. But it may be good for your soul to go out for a coffee, or appy or something with a friend. Shopping, or window shopping. Going for a walk with someone is nice too. It re-energizes you. I did a lot of walking early on. Even going solo.

The more I invested in myself... good food, exercise (which I really need to get back at!!); the easier it was to accept I deserve to be sober and healthy.

just some food for thought.....

Hang in there!!

[Snowball79]

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Thanks for the replies.. I am glad to see that I am not going mad. I think it must be that 'pink cloud' effect.. tell you what, it is disappearing very quickly!
I think i am just going to have to get to know a sober me now.. I love swimming and have been doing that regularly.. and reading - and can now do that and still remember the next day what page I last read! I am sure that I will feel better soon - I know for a fact that i don't want to/can't go back to what I was.
Seethepony.. thanks for your suggestions.. as much as I would love to do moderation, i really know that that can't be an option for me - thanks though.

[K9Lover]

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Snowball -
If you love to read, you are in the right place! Check out the "What We're Reading" Thread....there are lots of good suggestions in there!

[Snowball79]

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Thanks K9.. I will have a look at that.

Thanks for your replies, I think I am just having a rubbish day. My medication prevents me from drinking but I am hating the side effects but know I am not strong enough yet to come off it. GRRR!!

Thanks again.

[K9Lover]

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I am on Antibuse too. I went off it (subconsciously, I didn't really PLAN to quit it...) and that's when I relapsed. So I dusted myself off and got right back on it. As of now, I have no plans to quit taking it. I don't have any side effects...are you sure it's the Antibuse?

[SoFlo1]

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Nice to meet you Snowball. Rubbish days do happen sober. They tend to happen a lot more drinking.

I'm still trying to figure out what the "new normal" is - when you take away the peaks and valleys alcohol creates the landscape can seem a bit dull sometimes. I just try to remember that the most dull, gray day I have today is still miles better than the desperate, panicky, anxiety-ridden "exciting" days I used to have. And usually the next day is much better anyway.

[rebirth]

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K9Lover;981704 wrote: Welcome Snowball!
Quitting drinking is only a small portion of getting sober...building a new life without alcohol is where the challenge comes in. I had to not only change my routines, but my thinking and attitude as well. It took a while for it to sink in that I wasn't depriving myself of anything by not drinking.
K9

Hi snowball,
I really related to what you wrote and have had the same thoughts in the past.It's been a struggle for me too.But K9 is right...it's about changing your thinking and attitude. We need to remember that we built our life around alcohol. Infact, my personality was moulded by alcohol. It's like you stated, you are starting to discover who you really are without the props. We need to break our drinking habits ( the bar scene etc) and accept that it's going to take a while

To be honest I dont miss the bars, nightclubs and the rest of the drinking scene. I use to watch myself drink myself stupid every weekend either at home or out, socialise with others doing the same...I always woke up the next day with an empty feeling ( and a major hangover).

I love waking up on a sunday with a clear head! I love that I remember every minute of my day and that I am not wasting my day on the couch...I am really discovering that there is more to life now. x

[techie]

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rebirth;981744 wrote: Hi snowball,
I really related to what you wrote and have had the same thoughts in the past.It's been a struggle for me too.But K9 is right...it's about changing your thinking and attitude. We need to remember that we built our life around alcohol. Infact, my personality was moulded by alcohol. It's like you stated, you are starting to discover who you really are without the props. We need to break our drinking habits ( the bar scene etc) and accept that it's going to take a while

To be honest I dont miss the bars, nightclubs and the rest of the drinking scene. I use to watch myself drink myself stupid every weekend either at home or out, socialise with others doing the same...I always woke up the next day with an empty feeling ( and a major hangover).

I love waking up on a sunday with a clear head! I love that I remember every minute of my day and that I am not wasting my day on the couch...I am really discovering that there is more to life now. x

Welcome Snowball. I think K9 and Rebirth nailed it. This is the only way to look at life if you want to have a successful alcohol free one. I wish you all the best here and hope to see many more posts from you!

[Snowball79]

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Not sure K9.. that is what I am trying to figure out. How long have you been taking it for? I am eternally grateful for it, even if it is responsible for these effects as it has stopped me drinking and in that respect I feel great!

[Snowball79]

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Thanks everybody ..