Need Advice

[twosox40]

Hello everyone,

I believe my daughter is a klepto, she takes my things all the time, which maybe that is normal, seeing we are close to the same size, however, my mom laid out money she owed me on the counter, she said she counted twice to make sure she had it all, when I got home with my daughter she told me it was up on the table, my daughter went upstairs and myself and mom stayed downstairs for a few minutes talking, when we went upstairs 60 dollars was missing. She has done this before, she took my sons money, I was able to quilt her into giving it back, which her way was to say she found it under the couch, which is a lie, because we looked there when it went missing. I was giving her a few days in hopes she would do the same thing with this money but she has not and now myself and husband are going to have to confront her. I know she is not going to admitt it, I think if we caught her red handed she would still deny it. Any suggestions on how to approach this with her, I know she is going to flip out like she always does when confronted with something that she has done. But this is one thing I can not let go, if she is taking from us it won't be long she will do it somewhere else and get in serious trouble. The hardest part about this is if she needed money all she had to do is ask and she knows this so why steal it unless she is a klepto. I am going to find a counsler tomorrow, need to get this taken care of.

Twosox

[mollyka]

Need Advice

Hi Twosox, just a couple of questions - what age is your daughter? Not that it's a nice trait in anyone, I think teenagers can be a bit light-fingered, I know that I never leave my handbag or money just idly lying around neither did my Mum with us, as I say doesn't make it right, but I don't know that teenagers have the strongest consciences?
However, if she is an adult it is a completely different matter, when you talk about finding a counsellor I wonder do you suspect an underlying problem with her like drugs or something that she may need money for? One thing I have learnt with 4 (now mostly grown up children) is not to overreact till I know all the facts.
Molly

[twosox40]

Need Advice

Hi Mollyka,

She is 14, the only reason I wonder if she is a klepto is because she will take stupid little things and shove them in her drawer. I do not suspect drugs, she is almost always with me, either at home or at the barn. I work at her school, so she comes home with me to. My in-laws believe she needs to see a therapist, she is also always lying, I never know when to belive her. It is hard to get all the facts if I can't get her to tell the truth.

Two

[anon]

Need Advice

Oh Twosox I recognise her! I am a Mum of 3 girls all did the same and all are ok now. Lies/Stealing but would be horrified now if they did it again. Just love her to bits

[mollyka]

Need Advice

In my experience 14 yr olds have the morals of alley cats, maybe it's more than that tho - you probably know if it is more than just 'troublesome teen' behaviour? You should probably go with your gut feeling. Personally I find teenagers pretty tricky to rear - am on my last of 4 now and still hold my breath a bit when he's out and about that all will be ok! The fact that she takes silly little things, could she be looking for attention?
If someone had given me a teenager 30 yrs ago I'd never have had 4 of them - wouldn't be without 1 second of any of their lives tho, I love them to bits!
Molly

[Reenie]

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I think therapy is in order. I think she is getting a "feel good" feeling each time she steals. She might be filling a void. There could be a mental reason why she is compelled to steal. It might be a thrill for her and a way to gain your attention.

[Pride before Fall]

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I think therapy might be a good idea too, 2sox. Sounds like there's something going on she can't express in a healthy way. I have 3 teens now, and they certainly have their quirks, but this sounds more serious and complicated. Hopefully, with some help she can get it sorted out. I'm not sure what country you're in, but most schools would offer this free, or insurance would cover it. Good luck!

xoxo Pride

[twosox40]

Need Advice

Good morning,

Thanks for the replies, here is the update, I spent sometime looking this up on line yesterday and according to what I read, it is normal to some extent. She has stolen money twice before, once from her little sister, which we never caught her in the act and that was a couple years ago and another time from my son, which she got caught because her friend spilled the beans but before I told her I knew she had already planted the money under the couch and then said she found it there, atleast that time she gave it back. I read since I did not catch her in the act, I should not blame only her, even though I know it was her. So instead I sat all three of my kids down including my 7 year old and explained how wrong stealing is even if it is from family members that it is no different than stealing from a store, stealing is stealing. I told them next time money is taken wether it be 20.00 or even 1.00 that their texting would be turned off until it comes back. My daughter can not live without her texting so I am praying this will put an end to it. I am pretty sure if she knows her texting will be shut off, she will keep her hands off what does not belong to her.

Two

[twosox40]

Need Advice

Oh and I forgot to mention she gets plenty of attention from myself and her dad. We have a horse and spend a lot of time riding together and she does a lot with her dad, including hunting. It is just sad, apart from her lying and stealing she is a good kid.

[mollyka]

Need Advice

I never wished to imply that she wasn't getting attention Twosox, I know my second son was 10 when my youngest was born, and a more loved and adored little boy there never was, but when the baby came along he started doing really bold things and we realised he was screaming for attention even tho he truly was getting heaps already! Sometimes it's just the childs perception - doesn't mean they are right! Sounds like you are dealing very rationally with the situation - they are a worry aren't they!! Just as well we do love them so much!
Molly

[twosox40]

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Thanks Mollyka, that wasn't towards you, all the articles I read yesterday mentioned the same thing regarding attention. I do love her lots thats why it hurts, don't want her doing this somewhere else and getting labeled a theif. She really does have a good heart.

[mollyka]

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Course she does, and as I have already said, they can all be little monkeys in their teens. My 16 yr old regularly gets his 20 euro pocket money from me then taps his Dad for the same - we only copped that recently!
Molly