is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

[Mish]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

katy0601;993664 wrote: Hi ive found out my boyfriend is drinking secretly vodka wine etc what would be your advice? He moved in 4 months ago and hi smood changes so quickly after he drinks not sure I can cope with it.
Should I confront him?
Thankyou
Katy

Hi Katy...Welcome to MWO and Just Starting Out. You'll find awesome friends here, and heaps of wisdom and practical advice. Just a suggestion so we can focus on your particular question separately:-

I'd start a new thread so others can see your problem on its own and respond to it accordingly.

My thoughts on your question are this: "Confront" is such a 'confronting' word, and when confronted it's human nature to get defensive. This isn't going to be helpful in solving this issue.
Choose a time when you have some intimacy (not sex...keep it out of the bedroom) and let him know you care about him, you can see he has some anxieties and that you want to share everything with him...maybe even let him know you know about his drinking but whatever you do, don't be judgemental...
Just gentle, supportive, warm and loving and hopefully he will open up and confide in you.
Try to hold your tongue and/or temper at all cost and if he loses it, remember, he's probably scared half to death...breathe, relax and remain calm so he can see you're not going to over react...and that if he has, he can come back to you on another occassion and broach the subject...
Love
:h Mish :h

[gettinghappy]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

There's always hope!

I am 48 and have drank to excess since I was 15. I never drank pregnant, Thank God, but every time other than that. We are ONLY middle age. We still have the other half. I have only two days sober and am still feeling sick and sad. I never want to feel this way again! It looks to me like many, many, many of us are middle age. We are not alone!! Be strong!!

[fennel]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

Hi, hopefuli...
I'm forty-nine, and while I'm not completely AF (not sure if that's my goal), my alcohol consumption has gone WAY down, and I'm participating in life like I haven't done in many years. So, yes....there's hope. :h

[paguy]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

Hi Hopefuli -

Absolutely, there is hope! I am 56 and after abusing alcohol for 30+ years, I have been AF since July and I am feeling great. One of my main reasons for quitting alcohol was because I am middle age and am preparing for my retirement and I don't want to spend my golden years in a stupor. So, YES it can be done and it is worth it!

[dancelot]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

Yes - I quit last year at age 54, after 36 years of drinking. I don't feel or look so "old" anymore! Go for it!

[Guest]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

Some say it's actually more difficult to stop when you are younger i.e.

[mollyka]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

I'm 54 and started 'stopping' bout a year ago (haven't stayed sober all that time but 'fessed up to doc 14/12/09 and it all took off from there!) I felt about 70 last year and knew I would be dead in a couple of years, now I feel about 30 and feel invinceable!!!
Molly

[savon19]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

WOW - what an amazing thread!! I have been avoiding coming to the site, feeling quite hopeless, disgusted, etc.

I was able to quit on several occasions in the last year - for 1 mo., 2 mos. --- and now, I can barely go ONE day!!

Hearing you all say how it is worth it, and you're happier, etc. --- even tho' I've read it before - and even Experienced it!!!, I SO need to read again & again. I'm afraid to quit and afraid Not to quit!

I don't think I've Ever felt as addicted as I do now (proving how it is Very much a progressive disease!). One of my fears is what someone said on here: how she Wished she had stopped years before. I know that I will come to the same conclusion (after some sobriety) -- that I've wasted SO much of my life!!! So maybe better to just continue w/my head in the sand... :egad: Quite honestly, I already have come to that conclusion - which only makes me want to drink to numb that realization.

I guess you can clearly see my weird Denial.

Before any of you give me tons of... solace... I think I'm getting very close to the point of "jumping off the bridge" (that's what I call MAKING the decision! Y'know: *shit or get off the pot*)

I did it with smoking! Which I still can't believe... Quit last Christmas Day. And I was Very hooked... sooooooo. Yes, there must be HOPE.

[sapphire1]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

Savon, there is hope and heaps of it. It sounds to me that you are indeed gearing up for a major realisation, and drinking to numb that realisation or put it off is quite understandable. I think I did the same thing for quite some time. I knew that at some point I would have to chuck it in FOREVER, and never go back, but I was very afraid to make that final leap and put in the hard work, so for about six months, my drinking escalated. It was like an unconscious effort to get in as much drinking as possible without dying, before I had to give up. BUt give up I did....and my life is better than it has ever been. Sure there are the usual ups and downs,but the way that I manage the hassles is with a clear head, clear conscience and confidence that growns every day. Life on lifes terms is far far better than hiding in the bottom of a bottle as sick as a dog. More strength and grace toyou, Saff

[sapphire1]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

savon19;994558 wrote: WOW - what an amazing thread!! I have been avoiding coming to the site, feeling quite hopeless, disgusted, etc.

I was able to quit on several occasions in the last year - for 1 mo., 2 mos. --- and now, I can barely go ONE day!!

Hearing you all say how it is worth it, and you're happier, etc. --- even tho' I've read it before - and even Experienced it!!!, I SO need to read again & again. I'm afraid to quit and afraid Not to quit!

I don't think I've Ever felt as addicted as I do now (proving how it is Very much a progressive disease!). One of my fears is what someone said on here: how she Wished she had stopped years before. I know that I will come to the same conclusion (after some sobriety) -- that I've wasted SO much of my life!!! So maybe better to just continue w/my head in the sand... :egad: Quite honestly, I already have come to that conclusion - which only makes me want to drink to numb that realization.

I guess you can clearly see my weird Denial.

Before any of you give me tons of... solace... I think I'm getting very close to the point of "jumping off the bridge" (that's what I call MAKING the decision! Y'know: *shit or get off the pot*)

I did it with smoking! Which I still can't believe... Quit last Christmas Day. And I was Very hooked... sooooooo. Yes, there must be HOPE.

P.S. When you achieve sobriety and I know you will, look not at the time spent drinking as wasting your life....but look at it as a lesson well learned and be grateful. YOu will also get to experience what I call the "COMPARED TO WHAT" by this I mean that you will have a new barometer of what is a meaningful and joyous life. YOu will have your old life and all its difficulties (the drinking/drugging life) and you will have your new life with all the wonderful possibilities and peace of mind and for that you will not see your time as wasted. Saff

[Lillypond059]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

hopefuli;993374 wrote: Need a "thread" of hope here. I never thought I would be struggling with this disease in middle age. I had so much going for me as an adolescent and young adult. Ugh.

hopefuli, :welcome: there is hope, no matter our age, keep coming here, you will get lots of support!!! keep posting and reading the information in the other threads!!!hope you are well, Lilly x

[hopeful lady]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

i certainly hope so!!!

Hi Hopeful

Like you I feel very shocked I am 44 years old now and somehow it is not so funny to be drunk at 44, when I was younger it was ok, it was not, but I am sure you know what I mean!!! and as I have got older it seems to be very sad that a woman of 44 needs to get off her face in order to survive this life!!!! not to withold - totally embarrassing!!!!

I think that life is a lesson and we are all spiritually young whatever age we are. I do think age is just a number, but generally that statement comes from some old age pensioner who is dating an 18 year old, but it is just a number....

I hope that in months to come I can turn to you and say 'yes, life begins at middle age' cos I reckon that if I quit drinking and the cigs I could live to 104 which gives me 60 years of good time life sober, I pray. Life could start all over again with the many lessons we have learned. It is good to be older. I am sure it is better to be older and sober. The benefits to being middle aged are life experience.

Like you I had a bright future which alcohol robbed me off and it did, no two ways about it. Had I never touched a drink, I would be so much better off, but for whatever reason I did.

This thread has been lovely to read, all of you who have stopped in their forties - gives me great inspiration.

Life begins when you begin to live.:h

[Solitaire]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

Where is Hopefuli? Hope all is well.... xxx

[Jolie]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

Hopeful - some very good thoughts from everyone who has posted on this thread so far. YES - THERE IS HOPE! I am 48 and wondering if all the "middle agers" here are maybe dealing with a little bit of "mid-life crisis" as well. Sometimes you sit back and take a look at your life and if you don't like what you see, you realize that it's time for a change. All I can say is sober is so much better. Yes as sapphire says, there will be ups and downs but I think deep down inside you know that you are doing the right thing by giving up the AL.

Stay strong my friend.

[looking for peace]

is there hope in middle age after a lifetime of alcoholism?

Love this thread. I'm 50 and I have had a struggle for over 25 years. The last 10 years, I've been trying to stop. This site has helped very much. I feel much better, less scared and disgusted with myself all the time. Although I haven't stopped completely, I have cut way back since coming here regularly. I still need to re-read all of your responses over and over, to finally lead me to go all the way to AF. I don't know what's stopping me from going all the way. It sounds like it's a great place to be though.