i have to do this

[hopeful lady]

I've been on this mad alcohol binge for some weeks now. I have tried to stop but end up succumbing to temptation. I am just really scared. Yesterday for example I bought a bottle of wine, hid upstairs drank it, then went to the local pub, staggering I may add and bought another bottle and staggered back in full view of everyone. This is such a low and debilitating experience for me. It was early afternoon. Rumours fly and people judge, I live in a small village and whilst I want to hold my head high and I will hold my head high, I do feel really embarrassed and really unsure of how to get out of this mess. I know it is not to pick up that first drink, so that is my first rule of thumb today. However tempting it gets and it is like the devil is on my shoulder. I read all your posts and find great comfort in them. I know I am a decent person, I just have a really serious alcohol problem that I can no longer hide.

It is really awful when people do not look me in the face or avoid me for fear of my behaviour. I think the hardest part for me is really trying to figure out how I am going to beat this curse.

My drinking is the one thing that is ruining all aspects of my life. I have just scared my eldest son into moving back to his father's which is not the best situation. I have my youngest son with me and he is such a decent chap, but they have had to live with my messy drinking. I go beserk with alcohol. I absolutely hate it.:upset:

[Guest]

i have to do this

take it one day at a time hopefull, you will not drink today and neither will I, you can do this!

[Anjicia]

i have to do this

OH babe you can do this i've been there also drinking at home and staggering out for more. Do try not 2 pick up that first drink. Today i won't drink you can also do this. Keep readng and posting here.:l

[Brigitte Bardot]

i have to do this

Hi Hopeful, I can't have any AL in the house, at all. And I love to cook with AL; cognac, brandy, white and red wine and I can't bring that in right now either. You're right, the best thing is to not pick it up even in small quanities and keep it in your house. I think doing a purge as well is a good idea. Go through your house with a bag and search for all the empty bottles you have; in the closets, under the sinks, in cupboards..where ever and just get rid of them, get them out of your sight. Make a concious effort to do this as it does help to rid your house of them, plus you get rid of clutter as well.
We've all done what you done and living in a small town with only one shop makes it hard to hide your frequency, and people do talk and they are vicious. You know what you have to do.
I'm wishing you all the best, but it is time to cut it out COMPLETELY and do some AF time.

[gyco]

i have to do this

newbies

hopeful lady;994740 wrote: I've been on this mad alcohol binge for some weeks now. I have tried to stop but end up succumbing to temptation. I am just really scared. Yesterday for example I bought a bottle of wine, hid upstairs drank it, then went to the local pub, staggering I may add and bought another bottle and staggered back in full view of everyone. This is such a low and debilitating experience for me. It was early afternoon. Rumours fly and people judge, I live in a small village and whilst I want to hold my head high and I will hold my head high, I do feel really embarrassed and really unsure of how to get out of this mess. I know it is not to pick up that first drink, so that is my first rule of thumb today. However tempting it gets and it is like the devil is on my shoulder. I read all your posts and find great comfort in them. I know I am a decent person, I just have a really serious alcohol problem that I can no longer hide.

It is really awful when people do not look me in the face or avoid me for fear of my behaviour. I think the hardest part for me is really trying to figure out how I am going to beat this curse.

My drinking is the one thing that is ruining all aspects of my life. I have just scared my eldest son into moving back to his father's which is not the best situation. I have my youngest son with me and he is such a decent chap, but they have had to live with my messy drinking. I go beserk with alcohol. I absolutely hate it.:upset:

hi hopeful lady,:welcome:youve found a great site,your seeing the damage it has caused so far,this is the most looked down ailment in the world,the most unexcetable,the success rate is maybe 20 percent,out of every 100 people,the 1st week
for many is the worst,then theres living soberly for your entire life,then there s accepting your new way of life,it is a big task,ive been doin this for 12 years,theres what you call lapses and total relapses,there is hope and no such thing as failure, HERE,theres an old saying in AA,keep coming back,ope your mind to,people just like you,i wish you well,gyco :thanks::goodjob:

[Theme2be]

i have to do this

The knowlege you know applied will create a beautiful life for you~

Grasp ahold of the MWO lifesaver and please don't let go.

Your in the best of company~

[hopeful lady]

i have to do this

thanks

I have come on here to read posts and to fight this thing. I think my spirit was dying and alcohol temporarily gave me this illusion of being alive, however, it has totally destroyed me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. So I kind of defeated the objective!!! I did not do it consciously, that is just the conclusion I have come to and yes Gyco you are sooo right Alcoholism is the most underestimated disease/illness/affliction whatever you want to call it. I feel ashamed of my drinking problem for it does not matter if I say 'I am not like that really', people just take you on face value and if you are always three sheets to the wind, well then I give them ammunition. Plus if you are drunk most of your waking hours which as of late I have been or certainly smelling like wine and ciggies, then 'I am like that'. It is good to be able to communicate with others who are decent who too battle this thing.

I do however, believe that God is my judge and I am my own worst critic. So people can think what they like, they are not in my shoes. I guess it is recognizing the problem, and I am so shocked at how severe my drink problem is, and then it is how you deal with your problem. Become a lesson for others and walk the walk. I am so appreciative of your support and like you Brigitte Bardot I too like to cook with wine and cannot have a dredge in my house. I will take your good advice and clean out my cupboards. I EVEN FOUND AN EMPTY BOTTLE IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD UNDER CLEAN CLOTHES!!!! That was when I could not drink downstairs and used to hide in the bathroom. Now how sad is that??

LImers thank you I shall do what you suggest and to each and every one of you let us become the 20% who do succeed to beat this demon for I feel sure that is what it is. I have watched my father, mother, sister die from it and then my other siblings drink but without conscience and do not care, whereas, I do care and I need to become my own nurse and take it steadily....:thanks:

[TrappedDad]

i have to do this

Hopeful, I joined this site a month ago, and it is changing my life! I am meeting people here that truly do care if you make it or not. Do not pick up that first drink. Do what BB said and purge your house. Do this for your children and don't worry what all the other people think. Your health and your family is what is important right now. private message anyone on this board and they will contact you when they can including me! Don't take that first drink. Try lemon water.

[Britches]

i have to do this

Hello Hopeful Lady! I am happy that you chose that as your name as God made you a lady and that is what you are. I have been on and off this site for about a month and a half and my al consumption is way way down-there is hope. May I suggest that you get the book and supplements taking in the amounts given you will not believe what that can do! Al robs your body of vitamins and nutrients so it is SO IMPORTANT as well as sleep and exercise. We are all here for you! You can do it just remember the lady inside and how you do not want to damage her!:welcome::h

[lil.michelle]

i have to do this

Hi hunni,
The best and most important thing is that you've seen you have a problem and WANT to change. Try changing your routine. Stay away from anywhere taht sells AL or anyone who drinks it. DO you work? How about leaving you credit cards and any spare cash at there so when you get home you CAN'T get any as you have no way or paying?!?!? Keep busy, come on here and talk to us, make a diary of how you feel when you have had drink, how you feel when youre sober, your goals, what's important to you and keep reading it when you get cravings.
It's going to be a tough journey but it's well worth it! We're here for you!! SO brush yourself off, hold you head up high and lets start!!!!!! After all, AL is a liquid.... don't let a liquid ruin your life.

[hopeful lady]

i have to do this

oh I will take advise

Thanks again. I am reading and posting here and it feels like a worldwide meeting, which is so nice. Plus it is not at 7.30pm at night, so again that is good. You know what? Britches I will get the book and I will get the supplements you are right. I will also take the advice given about not caring what people think, this is about me, it is about my family - my animals and my children. My children tend to think I am this wicked witch who drinks just to upset them, but I know you all know that is not the case, but children are so wonderfully black and white, 'just stop' they scream. Maybe we should try to rekindle that optimism we felt as kids and make it black and white. Still hopefulxxxxxxxxxxxx

[fighting back]

i have to do this

Hopeful, welcome to MWO it is so good to read all the previous posts and to know that people here care so much. You have taken a step, a BIG step in recognising that your drinking is a problem and trying to do something about it. :goodjob:

Clear the house of AL as the previous posters have advised, ..maybe shake up your routine, go for a walk, do a little exercise.

I know I can only do this one day at a time at the moment, I am NOT going to drink today..please feel free to join me in that! And please, keep your chin up and your head held high, you deserve so much better than the way you are feeling right now. We are all in this together, you are NOT alone. :l

[OverIt2007]

i have to do this

Hi Hopeful Lady,

Nice to meet you! Your story is alot like all of ours, your not alone. Im making a fresh start for November, want to join me/us?

Please keep being hopeful and dont give up. There is truly HOPE! You have to believe in yourself just a little bit in the beginning to get started, then things will start rolling in the direction you want.

We all have shameful things we have done with our drinking. Its time to put that shame aside, and focus on you and your family. You all deserve to be living a happy and fulfilled life.

Overit

[Wagoneer]

i have to do this

I am only on day two and I am very hopeful, but scared like you. I am stopping because if I don't I will ruin my life and the lives of my precious family. I pray for strength for you, for me and for all of us. You can do this. It is really hard, but you can do it.

[OverIt2007]

i have to do this

You can do it Wagoneer!

Im an old timer, but on day 2 myself! I had a great September, followed by a crappy October.

Now its a new month, lets get the ball rolling and get er done shall we????


Hugs from Overit