Im a 28 year old man. And i have just decided to stop drinking 2 weeks ago. I have a 6 year old son but im no longer with his mother. And i have a 6 month old baby girl and still going out with her Mother and things are good. I have a decent job and what would look a decent life on the outside
In the last 10 years id say ive only gone 1 week without a drink. When i drink i will stay out all night as i cant face up to problems ive had in my past. But i have had ENOUGH. I dont want to rely on drink no more. It cost me my first long term relationship with my 6 year old's mother. And i see how upset my son is that we are no longer the happy little family we once were. I have decided to stop because i dont want this to happen to my new baby girl. and i want to give my son the best possible life i can.
I used to wake up of a morning and ask "what day is it " Oh yeah there is a match on this evening i will have a few pints for the football so my nerves are calm as i know that a drink will be on the way in a few hours. Sorry i forgot to mention im a very nervous person and have been since a child.
In the two week i have stopped it has been an absolute nightmare. I have had to walk out of work twice as i have began to feel weak, shake, feel like the walls are closing in on me. Then run to the bin and get sick whatever might be in my stomach. Which hasnt been much as i have really lost my appetite. So i get into my car and have to drive. Yesterday i left work at 11 am and didnt get out of my car until 6pm I cant even come home to my Girlfriend and beautiful baby. I panic at the thought of going in as is feel trapped for some reason. I just really dont know how to deal with this. I went to see my doctor and broke down to her during the week. I have been put on a tablet called Lexapro which is for depression. And got a number of a good lady who comes to the surgery to talk to. So as well as this i have the thoughts in my head that im all alone and now, the drink is gone there is nothing to calm me down. And i just freak out. " oh no this is you for the rest of your life nothing will ever get better and your forever going to be sad" I just want to be normal and happy. Ive never done a bad thing to anybody in my life and cant understand why this is happening.
I had to take 5mg of Valium last night to get to sleep. And i woke up this morning at 6;30 am shaking and worrying again. Oh no here we go again another day of panic vomit and sadnessso had to take another 5 mg of valium. Please God dont make these feelings last too long. I cant cope with it anymore
:upset:
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