Can I Tell You About Me?

[cherrabah]

Hi, I've been browsing around and made a couple of threads in the past but not really said much. However, I feel I would now like to pop by and talk. I'm a 62 year old female (read 52!) and live in the middle of England with Tom, my husband of 39 years. We both drink, to be honest, pretty much daily. Mine is about a bottle of wine, sometimes a glass or two less - not over excessive by some standards but I'm a lightweight. And addicted.

The trouble is, I LOVE it! There seems to be nothing nicer than cracking open that chilled bottle of Pinot Grigio at 6pm and looking forward to relaxing with a shared night's drinking with Tom. He, too, is addicted - but it's me that's here. I feel so ambivalent about quitting. I kind of know I should do for health reasons, but find it soooooo difficult as to be almost impossible. And I enjoy the drinking, but of course the next morning I'm full of remorse. I don't get hangovers, but there again, I don't really know long term sobriety either.

I guess I don't have a question as such, but just wanted to share things with you. I know my cyclic alcohol drinking goes from being okay to giving me a depressing bottom; maybe I sense that's what's coming next? I mean, is a bottle every night really really serious? Could I get away with it? Stopping would change the dynamics of a great relationship so much that I resist it - and anyway, I'm dependent on drink for pleasure and if it's not one excuse it's another. I just want to talk with others who understand. I love Tom tons and tons, but he doesn't seem to worry! He also tells me not to worry too. Should I worry?

Any thoughts would make me feel not so alone. Thanks. Cher X

[K9Lover]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Hi Cherrabah!
Thank you for sharing your story! You seem unsure about whether or not your alcohol consumption is a "problem". The fact that you are here may indicate that it is. I was never a wine drinker, but I could drink a 12 pack of beer every night, alone. Have you ever asked Tom about both of you cutting down?
I'm sure others will be along soon with better advice, but I just wanted to say Hi and I look forward to getting to know you!
K9

[Wagoneer]

Can I Tell You About Me?

I drank like you - a bottle maybe less every night. It wasn't really so much how MUCH I drank - it was how it effected me, my relationships and life in general. I just woke up 12 days ago and said I don't want to do this anymore. I really don't ENJOY drinking - I have kids ranging from 3 - 16 and it took away from them. Even a glass of wine changed me and I didn't like it. It's hard to stop, epecially when it is such a big part of your life, but stopping the drinking was the best thing I have ever done. We are here to support you - you will find friends here. Read, post and listen and you will feel better. Welcome!

[mama bear]

Can I Tell You About Me?

I, like K9, was a beer drinker, but I think there are people here that will say a bottle of wine EVERY night is excessive. And the fact that you find it hard to stop and worry about life without alcohol tell me you may have a problem.
That being said, you are in a warm, supportive, sometimes crazy community. We will help you all we can, but this is ultimately up to you.
Welcome....

[mollyka]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Hi Cheerabah, like K9 says, the fact that you 'think' you have a problem would usually show there is a problem alright. The other problem is tho, I think unless you really really want to give up drinking it is nigh on impossible to do so. Like you describe, it becomes part of your life, your relationship, and to eliminate it needs major commitment - I would sit myself down and talk myself through this, sometimes it takes a while to get to the point that Wagoneer describes, that you just don't Want to. Whatever you decide, the best of luck, but one thing I've learnt from being here is that once a persons drinking reaches 'problem' levels, it will only get worse.
Molly

[greeneyes]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Hi cherrabah! I just wanted to say hello and extend a welcome to you along with the others. I don't really have answers to your questions, but I have a couple comments. I personally think you have to decide if you have a problem and if you want to do something about it. If you have your suspicions, it may be good to give it a try now because the nature of it is progressive and it will not get easier to address down the road. Maybe you could try going for 30 days with no alcohol. See what it's like. See how it affects your relationship with your husband. Most importantly, see how it affects YOU. Maybe Tom would agree to do it with you. You have nothing to loose and an unbelievable amount to gain!

[hillsidetime]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Hi Cherrabah, and welcome. Please post and read lots it really does help. One of the things that your post reminded me of, was how much time, thinking time and energy, physical energy, alcohol robs from us.

The fact that you are asking questions, and reflecting on your pattern and habits of drinking is a good thing. One question you might want to consider is: is your volume, rate, or overall quantity of drinking slowly increasing? Thank goodness you are not (it seems from your email) at rock bottom, like so many of us have been.


Drinking, moderating, or abstaining is a very personal thing. Your relationship with alcohol is different than mine, or anyones', including your husband. So it might be complex if you are ready to think and talk and maybe moderate or change your habits, and he is not.


All the best,
Hill

[Choochie]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Cher -
Your drinking patterns are like mine were. I drank every night - a varying amount but enough to make me feel bad the next day. I was extremely dependent on having to have alcohol, although it wasn't a crazy amount by some standards. I finally got tired of waking up at 3am riddled with anxiety and not being able to go back to sleep. Because of the combination of alcohol and lack of sleep, I physically felt bad almost every day. So, I had incentive to want to feel better.

I can't tell if alcohol is actually causing problems in your life like it was for me. It sounds like you're not happy with "needing" to have it. It's a drug, so you are addicted. If you haven't read the book The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr, I highly recommend it. It will change the way you view alcohol.

As everyone here has said, it seems like we all were miserable enough from what alcohol was doing to us to WANT to quit. It doesn't sound like you're there. This is how I started out, and went for years with your exact same thought processes, the exact same attitude from my husband (enabling each other), etc. etc.

Eventually I just got sick of feeling less than good. In my mind, alcohol is no different than shooting heroin - just socially acceptable. I would no more shoot heroine than I would smoke meth. That's the category I now put alcohol in. Just another drug. Incidentally, I now awake feel amazing every morning after a consistent 8 hours of sleep.

Sorry to have gone on here - hope it helps in some way. If you can take the suggestion by Greenie to try going 30 days without drinking to see how you like it, that would be brilliant. It would give you some clear thinking and help you decide if you're ready to "give up" alcohol. I actually don't see it as giving up anything - just the illusion of it.

Anyway, best of luck.

Choochie

[Pride before Fall]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Hi Cher, and welcome!

I?m going to shamelessly use your newbie thread (it had to be somebody?s!) to put on my science-geek hat re. current safe-drinking guidelines. (I personally don't have any. I drink too much or not at all.)

The current "math"--the lowest amount of consumption shown to have no health effects--is 7 drinks per week for women (14 per week for men). Any amount over that is linked to health problems in a U-shaped curve; the more you consume, the higher the risks. (Just physical health risks--the social and emotional ones are a whole different category and much harder to quantify. For example, if we drink until we pass out alone at home every night, we might have no social consequences. If we have a couple of margaritas with friends and drive home, the social and legal consequences can be disastrous.)

A typical bottle of wine has 5-7 standard drinks in it, depending on how a country defines it (ranges from 10 g ethanol in NZ to 12-14 g in the US). So, a bottle of wine a night is 35-49 drinks per week.

How you drink also affects your health. The liver (if healthy) needs about an hour to metabolize a standard drink; a liver that?s damaged need a lot longer. So bingeing--drinking 4 or 5 (or more) drinks in a couple of hours--is worse on the body than drinking that same amount over the course of a day.

The ?feel-good? part of drinking is actually neurotoxic (yup?poison). Ethanol shoves a chemical wedge under the door of the dopamine gateway, creating an artificial flood of a "happy" (reward center) neurotransmitters. How many of us here have thought we "deserve" the "reward" of a drink?

The technical term is ?downregulating,? and it?s apt because there?s a big downside: the brain stop doing this on its own. Instead of releasing dopamine as a normal biologic response to happy events or activities, we end up needing AL to release the "happy." Do that enough, and AL starts to equal happy. Stop alcohol, and you?re artificially ?unhappy,? until your body gets itself regulated again.

Here's the test that ripped the blinders off for me. I'd taken it before, but never honestly. I got a 21 (read: dependence).

AUDIT Alcohol Screening Test - Alcohol & Substance Abuse, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Cult & Depression

I hope this helps you figure out where you are and where you want to go from here.

With warmth and support,

Pride

[tlrgs]

Can I Tell You About Me?

welcome cherrabah this is a great site to learn and read everything to find your way out ... hang in there and do this for you... follow your heart ..and just do your best ...we are here for you

[Chillgirl]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Cher :welcome:
You have already received some tremendous advice and I just wanted to agree that if you were totally happy with the situation you wouldn't have posted. I think Greenies suggestion of trying 30 days AF would be a brilliant idea with or without your hubby. You say you feel fine in the morning but my idea of "feeling fine" is now very different from when I was still drinking. Now I really know what feeling good is about. I was a daily wine drinker and understand the romantic/glamourous notion of opening a bottle every evening. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide is best for you both mentally and physically.

[Accountable for Me]

Can I Tell You About Me?

:welcome:

I don't have much to add to what the other's have commented on or suggested.

I simply wanted to welcome you!

[Choochie]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Pride, thank you so much for this post. I love stats and plan to keep this handy. It really helps me abstain knowing the health ramifications of alcohol. Just another tool in the chest.

[betty boop]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Hiya, & :welcome:to MWO ........

I totally agree with everyone else, if you feel that you might have a problem then try 30 days AF!!!

I'm in the middle of the UK too ........... take care and keep us posted.....

BB xxx

[breaking_the_cycle]

Can I Tell You About Me?

Hey Cher

I'm in England too. Until about 11 days ago I was drinking around 4 bottles of wine a week. I frequently told myself this was OK and 'normal' and I really enjoyed my wine, spending time seeking out really good wines etc. However, inside I knew that my drinking was abnormal. Health-wise, a woman is only supposed to drink around 7 units per week I think. Well, just ONE bottle of wine contains 9 units or more! The thing is that certainly here in England it is considered 'normal' and 'socially acceptable' to drink a bottle of wine per night. But clearly you're not 100% happy about your intake or you probably would not have come to this site. I hope you continue posting your thoughts here and that we can support you in whatever decisions you make.