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Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

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    #1

    Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

    I'm not sure whether I'm more excited or more scared, or both!

    One note: I'm not actually an alcoholic. I abuse sugar and caffeine, have a mix of anorexia and bulimia rather than abuse alcohol proper.

    But honestly? I totally FEEL like an alcoholic. I feel like I come home and 'drink' myself into oblivion every night. I'm hypoglycemic, so I get just as 'drunk' on sugar as a normal person gets on booze. It feels like the basic pattern of addiction is the same.

    And like an alcoholic, this has taken over my life. It sucks away all my money and time, it's done so much damage to my body that I'm literally unable to think straight. I'm 107lbs right now (underweight, since I'm 5'7.) Your body just doesn't function at this weight.

    I'm here because I want to STOP DRINKING, regardless of what substance my 'booze' is. I have a counsellor and I am in ED recovery and have oversight for that and so on. But I wanted a place to come and talk through my early sobriety. I've tried ED boards and they're honestly just too triggering. I know that people in ED recovery sometimes go to AA meetings- and are welcome there- so I figured I'd come here. This seems like a big, active, welcoming and supportive community.

    So my first goal is to be sober for four days. 96hrs! That should get me through most of the detox part. But my real goal beyond that is a week. I should feel sooo much better by then.

    For me, sobriety is:
    -not binging
    -not eating food that is toxic and harmful to me (due to blood sugar and food allergy/intolerances, allergy-addictions etc).

    That's it. Simple, right?

    I keep thinking that even Eminem got sober. If he can do it, so can I.

    I guess I technically sobered up at midnight, so I'll count my 96hrs from then.
    ED rather than alcoholic- but sugar is totally my booze and I sure act like an alcoholic.
    Current treatments: Julia Ross' Mood Cure, some MWO elements, NLP, (upcoming) outpatient clinic, some OA and AA stuff.
    I'm totally down with the 12 steps, yo. 8D
    Ultimate goal is abstinance. Doing harm reduction right now until I can get more direct counselling.

    ~If Eminem can get sober, so can I.
    ~If KEITH RICHARDS of all people can get sober, so can I!
    Tags: None
    #2
    Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

    Hi Raven and welcome. You certainly do have a battle to fight, much like those of us who fight the demon of alcohol. Remember that if you are going cold turkey with caffeine you are going to get some wicked headaches most likely. Are you going to address the eating disorders as well at this point? Keep us posted, and all the best,
    Hill
    Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

    Comment

      #3
      Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

      Best of luck Raven - so sorry to hear your struggles but very happy to see that you are well on your way! Addiction to anything is a terrible struggle. This is a wonderful place to be when you are going through this. To Hillside's point, that caffeine withdrawal gives you some nasty headaches so be careful. Keep in touch wth your doctors regarding the bulimia. I know all about that - it will ruin your health - your heart, your teeth, everything. I got help for mine when I was 15 before it could do too much damage. This is very very scary and please do whatever you need to do medically for this before you try to do everything yourself. It is not just a physical thing - it is a mental thing and counselling is probably a really good idea, so good for you that you are doing that - keep at it. Please let us know how you are doing. You have friends here.
      February 27th, 2013. A New , Successful Start. :h

      When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!!

      Comment

        #4
        Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

        Welcome Raven - I think my first question is - do you have a plan? What are you going to eat? Have you tried tapering off caffeine rather than going cold turkey? as Hill and wagon said - NASTY headaches if you just quit cold turkey! You can do it - but you definitely need a plan to follow and know what you are going to eat for the duration of the detox otherwise you are really going to feel ill. have you talked to a doc about doing it this way? With low blood sugar you must have a good balance of protein and carbs, but I should think that you do know all that - right?? I wish you well with it and hang around here - lots of support.

        Hugs, Sunshinedaisies
        How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

        Comment

          #5
          Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

          Like the way you think ! Ha! You can kick this habbit and then you too can say, Quoting my fellow Baltimorean Edgar Allen Poe: " Never More" ! Tony
          ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
          those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
          Dr. Seuss

          Comment

            #6
            Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

            Yes, he could do it so we can too!!! He looks great for it too doesn't he!?!? Although i always thought he was yummy anyway *lol* You can do this, it'll be hard but worth it hunni! We're all trying to get sober. I'm on day 14! Feeling great and strong although i've been on and off sober for years. I'm here for you, supporting you all the way!!!! You need to talk or anything pm me! Stay atrong and remember you never fail if you never stop trying!!

            Comment

              #7
              Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

              11 hours in! 85 to go, lol. But I'm on my way!

              lil.michelle- yeah, I'm actually really inspired by Eminem's sobriety. He looks great and he's making a lot more sense these days than he used to. xD (And yeah, he is IS pretty hot, huh? I didn't like his attitude all the time before, the homophobia wasn't cool at all. But now he looks hot and sounds mature and intelligent, plus I think he's still single. DD)

              I really relate to his comments about not having recorded or shot a video sober in seven years- I'm an illustrator and designer and like most addicts who are artists, I worry about being creative and sober! But I can see that everyone does better work when they're clean. So it helps me avoid getting into that whole bullshit debate about whether using makes you creative- IT DOESN'T, it just makes you drunk, sick and incoherent. I also just NEVER get any work done when I'm using, period.

              Thanks for you support!

              IAD- 'Never more!' I like it, and I didn't even think of the reference. There's a ton of ravens around here, I hear them shrieking from the treetops all the time. Maybe I should think of that as a reminder to stay sober.

              Sunshine, Hillside and Wagoneer-

              You're right, I need a plan. Last night I was too spacey in the head from using to even think that hard about it, I was just focused on quitting and making a commitment. But now that I've had some rest, it's time to make some kind of a plan. I'm reading the 'What's your sobriety plan' thread, so I'll make a new post for my sobriety plan.

              About the caffeine issues that you and others have mentioned- I have advil for the headaches, and tyrosine to give me the energy and focus I'd otherwise try to get from coffee. I've actually gone on and off coffee several times, it's something I only use when I'm using sugar. Sugar and high carb food, as well as disordered eating, is the real addiction here.

              But I do know to expect the headaches and I've got the painkillers ready! lol. I get headaches from blood sugar crashes too, so I've always got a lot of advil around.

              So, thank you everyone for your support! This place rocks.
              ED rather than alcoholic- but sugar is totally my booze and I sure act like an alcoholic.
              Current treatments: Julia Ross' Mood Cure, some MWO elements, NLP, (upcoming) outpatient clinic, some OA and AA stuff.
              I'm totally down with the 12 steps, yo. 8D
              Ultimate goal is abstinance. Doing harm reduction right now until I can get more direct counselling.

              ~If Eminem can get sober, so can I.
              ~If KEITH RICHARDS of all people can get sober, so can I!

              Comment

                #8
                Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

                Okay, so I need a Sobriety Plan of my very own.

                My counsellor says that EDs and addictions (an ED is an addiction, really) try to make everything complicated and cluttered and chaotic and overwhelming- so you'll get frazzled and use again. So:

                1)KEEP IT SIMPLE. Don't let the addiction create debate and worry and complication.
                All I have to do is- NOT BINGE and NOT USE TOXIC FOOD.

                2)Allen Carr's Easyway techniques (Are people here familiar with this book? It's great for the psychological addiction, which is a HUGE part of it for me. Amazon.com: The Easy Way to Stop Drinking (9781402736476): Allen Carr: Books). I say to myself "I refuse to pay money and effort to keep myself sick and keep myself in this nightmare of addiction."

                3)REST. I'm really worn down physically, nutritionally, neurochemically, emotionally etc from brutal binging and purging and not eating and shitty food and just coffee and endless hours of no food, no sleep, etc etc. I know                 I'm not thinking straight. So my early sobriety plan is to just TAKE IT EASY, rest, nap, take 1-3 days to just relax and not try to do too much.

                4)Eat right. This is really key since I'm so sensitive to processed crappy food- it literally messes with my brain chemistry just like alcohol would for a less sensitive person. My meal plan is:
                -four meals of 400kcal apiece, four hours apart.
                -lean protein, raw and low glycemic high fiber veggies, some fruit in moderation, some healthy omega 3 fats (olive oil, etc), lots of water, herbal and green tea and club soda.
                -I can have some greens and blacks cocoa at the end of the day as a treat, it's a safe indulgence for me that doesn't bother my blood sugar or trigger me to use.

                5)Supplements for repairing the deficiencies that lead me to use.
                I take lots of these, so a list:
                Standard vitamins: multivitamin, Vitamin C, B100 complex, calcium/magnesium, zinc, Vitamin D, fish oil.
                For my blood sugar: biotin, chromium, B1, Vitamin E.
                For my digestion: aloe vera juice, digestive enzymes, alka seltzer and club soda.
                Between meals for blood sugar stability: glutamine.
                For concentration, mood, etc: tyrosine, DLPA, 5HTP, theanine, GABA.
                For enhancement of the above: Siberian Ginseng, Rhodiola, Amino acid mix.

                Finally, for detox symptoms and comfort: advil, tylenol, epsom salt baths.

                6)Fresh air and exercise.
                Right now I'm really weak and mostly just need to rest up. But even today I'll try to go out and walk around in the woods or on the beach a bit, and just feel the serenity of nature. I live on Pender Island in BC, so I'm in a very wild, forested, nature-heavy place. I can also just have a hot cup of rooibos tea and sit on the deck, watch the mist roll over the forested hills and down into the bay, etc. Soon I'll start walking again, then I'll start running and lifting weights. I have the equipment for this and room in my house to lift while watching tv.

                7)Replace the drugs with REAL pleasures
                One thing about me and using is that when I'm using? It sucks EVERYTHING else out of my life. I can't enjoy anything else, I'm just numb to anything but sugar and binging and being drunk off my face from it. So with the drugs and ED behaviour out, I'll add back in: books, movies, music, colors, playing with art supplies, watching clouds, just drawing and sketching for fun. When I'm sober, I have the time and headspace to even notice these things. When I'm using and drunk, I don't.

                8)Work, in moderation
                Working gives me focus, self esteem, makes me feel energized, useful, gives me pride in accomplishment, etc. I think meaningful work is key to happiness. I have clients right now and I don't want to put them off entirely. I also don't want to OVERWORK. So I'll say that when I'm feeling up to it, I'll give myself 60min work sessions. After that, I rest for at least a half hour. With no pressure. If I need to rest totally for three days, fine. But I have the option of working.

                9)Sobriety notebook
                My counsellor suggested this, and it's a good tool to meditate upon how I feel through drawing, writing, etc. When I'm feeling good, I write about it. When I feel bad, I can read back and remind myself as well as write encouraging things to myself. It's a physical record of positive thoughts to focus upon. I'm artsy enough to use all kinds of different gel pens and marker colors and doodles in mine, which helps remind me that there are WAY better things in life than being blind drunk.


                Anyway, I may refine that as I go, but that's the basic plan.

                Goals!

                -96hrs. Four days is enough for my blood sugar and neurochemistry to settle down, so that gets me out of the physical grip of immediate addiction.
                -a week! This is getting into serious sobriety when I make it this far.
                -30 days.
                -60 days.
                -90 days.
                -six months
                -a year!
                ED rather than alcoholic- but sugar is totally my booze and I sure act like an alcoholic.
                Current treatments: Julia Ross' Mood Cure, some MWO elements, NLP, (upcoming) outpatient clinic, some OA and AA stuff.
                I'm totally down with the 12 steps, yo. 8D
                Ultimate goal is abstinance. Doing harm reduction right now until I can get more direct counselling.

                ~If Eminem can get sober, so can I.
                ~If KEITH RICHARDS of all people can get sober, so can I!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

                  Awsome Raven...FREAKIN AWESOME! Good for you!
                  February 27th, 2013. A New , Successful Start. :h

                  When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

                    WAY TO GO Raven! You can do this !! We are here for you! I LOVE the Alan Carr books!!

                    hugs, Sun xx
                    How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

                      Just wanted to add my hellos and welcomes to you Ravenscallingme.
                      What a wonderful plan of action you have mapped out there.
                      J x
                      :l
                      It could be worse, I could be filing.
                      AF since 7/7/2009

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

                        RC - wow what a comprehensive plan. I too like Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Drinking. and have recommended it to others on this site. I think I've only seen one post that was negative about it (they had used Carr's book on smoking).

                        Anyway, Welcome RC. Glad you are here.

                        Choochie:welcome:

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

                          Almost 17 hours in.

                          I've noticed that taking all the vitamins and supplements- and just RESTING- does make me feel a lot better than whiteknuckling between binges and withholding the pills because it seemed like a waste if I was just going to have sugar again anyway.

                          So the vitamins and supplements REALLY make a difference. I focus on the psychological aspect a lot, but there's a big physical component.
                          ED rather than alcoholic- but sugar is totally my booze and I sure act like an alcoholic.
                          Current treatments: Julia Ross' Mood Cure, some MWO elements, NLP, (upcoming) outpatient clinic, some OA and AA stuff.
                          I'm totally down with the 12 steps, yo. 8D
                          Ultimate goal is abstinance. Doing harm reduction right now until I can get more direct counselling.

                          ~If Eminem can get sober, so can I.
                          ~If KEITH RICHARDS of all people can get sober, so can I!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

                            Hi Jackie and Choochie- thanks for stopping by and thanx for the encouragement.

                            I feel like the most powerful part of my plan right now are:
                            -the supplements which address the (very real and quite serious) physical damage addiction has done to my body.
                            -Allen Carr's Easyway which keeps me from stressing psychologically- and psychological torture is REAL and very VERY stressful. If you can switch it off, I think you're 90% on your way to quitting.
                            -Letting myself rest. Rest is so important, because I think I use out of stress from NOT resting.

                            Right now I'm working and I feel a bit shakey- my blood sugar is still messed up from using yesterday. But I'm okay. And Allen Carr is right, when you're 'drinking', you feel like hell ALL THE TIME. When you quit, you instantly feel better. Even with withdrawal and all that... you still feel WAY better when you're not forcing poison on yourself all day.

                            More stuff about working.. I just want to make a note here about this because I stress sometimes about whether I should work during early detox or not.

                            I can get very stressed out by working, but right now, I'm enjoying it. I think it does help keep me from getting too depressed. Doing nothing can make me feel down. The tyrosine, DLPA and glutamine are all keeping me very comfortable. If I need a nap, I'll take one. But I feel okay right now.

                            almost 19hrs!
                            ED rather than alcoholic- but sugar is totally my booze and I sure act like an alcoholic.
                            Current treatments: Julia Ross' Mood Cure, some MWO elements, NLP, (upcoming) outpatient clinic, some OA and AA stuff.
                            I'm totally down with the 12 steps, yo. 8D
                            Ultimate goal is abstinance. Doing harm reduction right now until I can get more direct counselling.

                            ~If Eminem can get sober, so can I.
                            ~If KEITH RICHARDS of all people can get sober, so can I!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Day one, both scared and excited to get sober

                              :welcome:

                              I wanted to welcome you! We are practically neighbours. I live on Vancouver Island, in the Cowichan Valley.

                              It sounds like you have a plan in place. Good stuff. Regardless of what addiction you have, an addiction is an addiction.

                              I look forward to following your progress!

                              Comment

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