Alcoholic or mid life crisis

[Softy]

Or I guess both. Hi all I am new here. Five years back in my late 30s I got messed up on booze and attached myself to a girl in her 20s who worked for me. I am married 16 years. It was a love unrequited but she was kind to me as I was falling apart. I ended up off work for two months, on anti depressants and managed 3 monthsAF. When I went back to work I couldn't face her and had to change jobs to get away from her. I was fine until 2008 when my dad died. Yes had fallen off the wagon but I could function emotionally. When dad died I went.on a three month bender then finished the year getting a grip and going another three months AF. I am now in crisis again. I decided to cut down drinking to lose weight in September. So clever me decided the best way to do without beer was to switch to spirits. Two months later I am drinking daily and hiding bottles around the house. To make matters worse I have suddenly found that a new young lady (in her mid 20s) who I have worked with for over a year is suddenly the centre of my world. I am arranging our work patterns so we can spend time together alone and dreaming of her 24/7. I am that soft that I fall over emotionally and fantasise over her and me making a fresh start. This I know is hogwash. It is the booze. Help me before I go mad ruin my life her life and my poor long suffering wife who despite all this I still believe I love dearly.

[startingover]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Oh Softy, a huge welcome to you and very brave of you to post all that.
Despite the booze you are showing amazing insight to your behaviours and thats a massive start.
Obsessions can completely take over our lives and usually it is because something is missing that we latch on to them. With you, maybe your weight gain, age and your dad dying plus being in a long term relationship could all contribute to these feelings.
My advice to you, would be to take one thing at a time. First and foremost get your head straight and that means stopping the drinking. You need to do that to see which other areas of your life need attention.
I know its not easy. But you have made a great first step in coming here.
Welcome to you
Starty

[Softy]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Thanks

Last night I finished my whisky no more left in the house. Today I will not drink. Today is the start of another three months AF please let that be true. I can do it. I have managed twice before. ODAT is a cliche but so right.

[startingover]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Have you thought of using some of the supplements to minimise any cravings?
I find the Lglutamine really helps and also I used Kudzu in my early days.
Make sure you eat well and healthily too, plus lots and lots of water

[Softy]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

I am going to get busy today to take my mind off things 8pm will be my nemsis! Boredom makes me hit the bottle I will keep busy. Off to the shops now and will score some L Glut :thanks:

[startingover]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Get the powdered stuff if you can. I find it better than capsules and easier to take higher doses which are much more effective.
Keeping busy is good

[mollyka]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Hi and welcome Softy! I agree with everything Starty says - life has become a muddle one way or another and one thing that is guaranteed - regardless of your 'drinking status', is that booze will be complicating everything. Well done starting on Day 1 and of course cliches are cliches for a reason - they usually are true and work, ODAT is the way to go. Don't do anything about anything till you are sober for a few weeks. Then look at things through sober eyes - you know then what you are feeling are your true feelings. Hang around here - always loads of folks to talk to or rant or just to plain distract yourself. If the 'witching' hour is 8 PM, go to bed early, go for a walk - don't apologize if your behaviour is slightly strange - I often go to bed at 8 now specially if my hubs has had a few pints - just do whatever works:welcome:
Molly

[startingover]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Me too Molly! I just do what I like and if it means snuggling up in bed early, so be it

[Lavande]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Hi Softy,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place!
Have you read the MWO book yet? It's full of good info & easy to read so you can get the full benefits of the program. You can download it right from the Health Store above.

You do have a lot of issues going on right now but honestly, you need to get a clear head first & foremost. Take good care of yourself first then you'll be better prepared to work on the rest.

Make yourself a good plan. Take a look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for good ideas.

Wishing you the best on you journey!
Lav

[Softy]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Thanks all - had a rough few days culminating in getting wasted on Thursday night (me and the wife shared a bottle of red but I had a half bottle of vodka on the sly) felt rough all day Friday, spilled my heart out to my young colleague (not over stepped the mark yet but close) come home - felt like cr*p for making a fool of myself - went to the pub and got tanked up to hide the guilt and pain then yesterday was a write off. I couldn't function due to mixture of guilt, shame and hangover and just moped around all day beating myself up mentally. Got to last night and decided I need help. Clearly I can't talk to the wife without it going nuclear and I don't have any friends or relations in a position to help. So I searched the net and found this forum. I lurked for hours thinking there might be someone on here I could unburden to. In fact just typing it all out is helpful. In classic alky fashion I switched off and drank the house dry under the excuse that I am clearing out ready for Day One. Well now Day One is here. I have taken the first step by coming clean to the world (in my mind) but mostly coming clean and admitting to myself I'm on a slippery slope to oblivion. Just writing it out and getting some kind words in return have already made me feel loads better. Day One I think will be achievable but 2,3 & 4 when I'm back in work will be tough, but as you say - easier to figure out with a clear head and not feeling sick, so once again:thanks:

[startingover]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Getting sober is a tough one for sure. BUT it is so worthwhile. I think the first few weeks are the hardest. My shame and anxiety lasted for about 3 weeks I think, then I started to feel more confident and sooo much better about myself.
Keep checking in here and reading. I read loads of books about addictions too. One week read a total of 7. But focussing on getting clean and sober was my priority and I had decided to do whatever it takes.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Hi Softy, just wanted to say welcome. You are getting some good advice here and wish you strength in the days ahead. It is doable as you know by your previous periods of abstinence. It may not seem like it now but you have made a big step by realising where this is going if you leave it unchecked and by coming here. No doubt in my mind that this is a progressive addiction and it impacts negatively on our entire lives and everyone we come we come into contact with. In short its hard to see through the haze of daily drinking and our thought do become so distorted, so it is no wonder that you are confused in regard to your personal relationships. I sincerely hope you decide to stick around, read and post lots, this place really does change lives if we want it badly enough.
Keep safe
KTAB

[Choochie]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

:welcome:Hi Softy - saw you on another thread and posted to you there. Here, though, I wanted to say one thing. I ended up divorced after a situation that I acted upon (something like you're describing). It catapulted me into a decade I would rather not have had. I know all our situations are different, but just know that removing alcohol would have helped me see what I was doing and probably have changed my life.

Sending you peace and strength,
Choochie

[Softy]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

Thanks Choochie - wise words. When your head and heart are in turmoil getting one of the factors out of the way (the fog of my alcoholic haze) is a first step on the ODAT mantra

[shoots71]

Alcoholic or mid life crisis

hey mate, I am a new guy here but one thing I can vouch for is the supplements I take campral and along with keeping busy it works, good luck man and dont beat yourself up if you slip we all have.