What to do?

[flygirl_65]

I am new here. I am a 45 year old, single mother, i own a business and am quite successful. I am, and always have been a bit of a binge drinker. I don't drink everyday and i probably only drink maybe once or twice every couple of weeks. The problem i have is that when i do drink, i dont know when to stop! I drink so much that i have black outs almost every time. I always have a lot of fun when i drink and party, but i do feel very ashamed and embarrased when i dont remember parts of the evening. THen i worry that i have made an a** of myself and i just dont know! Last night, i was at at very formal fundraiser dinner and by the end of the evening was very hammered. I feel embarassed that i might have made an idiot of myself, but the worst thing is that i dont remember. Almost worse than the blacking out, is the guilt that i feel when i get up. And the concern that i have is that THIS ALWAYS happens this way! I wish i could get a handle on it, but i dont seem to be able too. I always say to myself that never again, and then the next time, i just do it all over again. I would like to try and just drink more socially, but i dont know that i can even do that. Does trying to cut down the drinking ever work or is that just a cop out for not wanting to quit completely? I am not dependant on alcohol and i dont suffer any withdrawls if i dont have any..but socially, it seems to fit with every occassion. I never say no.

Im not really sure what to do next.

[Wagoneer]

What to do?

Sorry flygirl - did not see this post. STOP DRINKING, BOTTOM LINE. Do it before you do something you wll really regret or you black out and don't remember driving, etc.... It is evident to me that you do not process alcohol normally - are there maybe some underlying diabetes, etc. or is it that you just drink so much when you binge? Even though you don't feel like you are dependent on alcohol, it is obvious you can't control yourself once you start and that is a huge problem. I never blacked out or anything like that, but I certainly could not stop until my bottle of wine was done. I can't moderate and I can't drink. I am 22 days sober today and have never felt more incontrol - at least of myself. You need to stop drinking. You really do. You don't need to drink to be social. Takes some getting used to, but it works. And you can still have fun. Just stop the alcohol.

[gyco]

What to do?

timeout

flygirl_65;1008583 wrote: I am new here. I am a 45 year old, single mother, i own a business and am quite successful. I am, and always have been a bit of a binge drinker. I don't drink everyday and i probably only drink maybe once or twice every couple of weeks. The problem i have is that when i do drink, i dont know when to stop! I drink so much that i have black outs almost every time. I always have a lot of fun when i drink and party, but i do feel very ashamed and embarrased when i dont remember parts of the evening. THen i worry that i have made an a** of myself and i just dont know! Last night, i was at at very formal fundraiser dinner and by the end of the evening was very hammered. I feel embarassed that i might have made an idiot of myself, but the worst thing is that i dont remember. Almost worse than the blacking out, is the guilt that i feel when i get up. And the concern that i have is that THIS ALWAYS happens this way! I wish i could get a handle on it, but i dont seem to be able too. I always say to myself that never again, and then the next time, i just do it all over again. I would like to try and just drink more socially, but i dont know that i can even do that. Does trying to cut down the drinking ever work or is that just a cop out for not wanting to quit completely? I am not dependant on alcohol and i dont suffer any withdrawls if i dont have any..but socially, it seems to fit with every occassion. I never say no.

Im not really sure what to do next.

:welcome:hi fly lady,i dont beleive its all about stopping,ive been doing the stop start thing for a lot of years,you have options and you also realise your drinking habit is not normal.remember evrything in life your tot,your not tot how to drink,:upset:id suggest a coucillor,someone that can relate,but seek out a good one,ask for there credentials when you meet,if the one that helps you hasnt walked the walk,chances are they havent a clue what there talking about,beleive it or not,itr is true what people say,we are a breed of our own,you seem to have a grip on it,seek out some help beyond here,b4 its to late :thanks:gyco

[hillsidetime]

What to do?

Hi Flygirl, and welcome. It is good news that you are willing to write out your feelings, and that you realise that your pattern of drinking is not healthy for you. Everyone is different, and some people seem to be able to moderate, and some don't seem to be able to.

For sure, if you did not have alcohol in your life, you would not have the problems your write about.

Personally, I was a lot like you in my drinking pattern, and then it slowly, over years and years, add in some stressors in my life, got worse. I ended up at rock bottom, almost losing everything - my family, my wife, etc. I hope you don't go there.

Read and write lots here, there are many wonderful people who have caring thoughts and advice. You can think about the the 30 day alcohol free option. Take 30 days off of drinking, let your brain, and body level out a bit. This may give you some time to think about things with a more clear mind.
All the best,
Hill

[metalmel10]

What to do?

hi flylady, this is my story EXACTLY!!! However I have been sober through a.a on two seperate occasions totalling 5.2 years all up. So I know a bit about total abstinence.
But I could not identify myself as an alcoholic in the meetings, because I didn't crave it, I didn't have the same drinking thinking and I only binged in exactly the same way as you have described. Which i found bewildering and confusing. When i found the MWO program I brought the book and the meds and vitimans etc that I needed and have followed it religiously four eight weeks now. I have found a life through the program beyond my belief. I have moderated totally and haven't had one binge in that time which I can honestly say is a miracle for me, I only drink when the occasion arises and don't think of it otherwise. Before when I had that first drink I would get all hyped up (basically I was drunk before I was drunk) and it would be unpredicable when I would stop, it could even be 48 hours later when my body forced me!!! Now I am findinding myself refusing my 2nd or 3rd glass at a party what a trip that is. Please understand I have had to follow Roberta Jewells book properly though. I hope I have helped. PEACEOUTMAN!!!
metalmel:goodluck:

[flygirl_65]

What to do?

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am definately going to start with the 30 day no drinking. Infact, just last month i did 2 weeks with no drinking. The hardest part of that is when people want to know WHY i am not drinking...i never know what to say. I have no problem NOT drinking, my problem starts when i AM drinking. I have considered AA, but i guess im not sure that im ready to quit 100%, which maybe is what i should be considering. I love to be able to have 1 or 2 at a function and then stop, but so far i have not been able to do that. Just reading through this website is helpful as i have found some situations similar to mine. Just feeling like im not the only one is helpful in itself! Thanks everyone.

[Brigitte Bardot]

What to do?

Hi there Flygirl,
Your drinking sounded just like mine. I could go for a while and not drink, but when I did it was always to excess which resulted in black out's, and it was getting too frequent and out of hand for me. I had to make a change, and moderation is not a possibility. I've tried that, numerous times and each time it ended with the same result and honestly I'm not being that person anymore. I've been on this site for quite a while now always with the same outcome, you really have to want it for it to happen. For me it was like a switch that went off. I deserve to be healthy, I'm getting such wonderful sleeps at night and I'm a much better mother to my little girl.
Good luck to you, check out the posts and see what works for you. I stick mainly to the AF Monthly Abs thread since that is my goal and the wonderful people on there help me keep focused, it helps to have a community of friends behind you.
All the best,

[choice]

What to do?

Hi Flygirl,
Just stopping by to say hello. I read your thread and it seams like we DO have similar stories as far as not liking the way drink is affecting our behavior and the guilt of not knowing what we said or did after a bender. I too sometimes would go on a 48 hour bender. I enjoyed it and use to think it was fun. I thought the pain was worth it. I'm not sure how I missed your thread yesterday. I also don't crave, well I didn't think I did... until some pressure was on. It was more mental with me. I didn't know how to refrain, and when I do now I feel like a weirdo... but I do it anyway. I also relate to what Metal says about getting all hyped up to drink.. drunk before drunk. My experience is also similar to what your saying about just always participating in drinking socially and somehow ending up wasted. As time went on, the blackouts began... mostly in the past year. They were getting closer and closer and with less booze. You might want to learn about what's happening to your brain. It's a bit of an eye opener.... not to freak you out or anything but you are right in noticing that it can get worse.... problem is... it can get only get worse. But if you don't drink it can really get better. :h

[hillsidetime]

What to do?

Flygirl, the 30 days sounds like a great plan. Struggling with what to tell people, when you are taking a break from drinking, is tough. This is a very personal thing, and we don't have to share it with people if we are not ready. I used lots of lines like "I am trying to drop a few pounds", "I have to get up early in the morning", "I have the flu" etc. In all honesty, people have not asked, nearly as much as I had expected. Regardless, it still caused me a lot of anxiety in the early going. All the best,
Hill

[flygirl_65]

What to do?

I guess the problem i have it that most of my friends and family drink. The difference is that they all seem to know when to stop, i do not! The thoughts of never having a drink again do scare me, which seems odd to me considering i am not "additicted".. kind of an oxymoron really. I think back at all the stupid, unsafe and down right crazy things i have done while on alcohol and i really wonder how i made it this far. I am totally functioning, but i sure do know how to get messed up. Thanks for everyone's input. I am finding it helpful.

[Choochie]

What to do?

Flygirl - I have never been able to imagine myself as a nondrinker. My entire adult life has revolved (literally) around drinking. Now, just after 50 AF days, I cannot imagine myself as a drinker. Being sober is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I cannot recommended it highly enough.

Choochie

[choice]

What to do?

Hiya Flygirl,
I have that problem too where most of my friends and family drink. Not drinking with them shines a light on me that I feel really uncomfortable with. At first I was scared not to drink because I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. It's kinda sad really. My family and friends love me. They reality don't want me to hurt myself on their behalf. Some have had problems with me stopping, I've noticed it's the real heavy drinking ones who probably don't want to deal with their own drinking issues yet.

I still haven't figured out exactly how to handle this aspect of recovery, but I have to say I am surprised at how much support I have found. I feel more loved then I have in a very long time. I think waking up from a blackout is one of the most lonely feelings in the world because you have abandoned yourself and it's very scary because you didn't even know you were doing it.

I joined a 30 day challenge when I started in the Just Starting Out section of the forum. It was Sober September. It helped to have a group of people with the same goal. If you need an excuse for the first 30 days to get you over the hump you could always say your doing a Sober December. I suggest saying this with pride if you can and sticking with it with strong resolve. Soon those around you will get use to the idea. It's only a month. One Day at a Time. :h

[hillsidetime]

What to do?

Hi everyone, great input on this thread.

Flygirl, I really understand the anxiety and fear that you mention. Personally, yes my family knows that I am alcohol free and a couple of friends. Even working through that was painful, and caused me a lot of stress. I remember commenting on a post here, about how even when I am sober, alcohol is still making my life hell. I have worked through that, it was not easy, but I am glad I did, and now things are fine within that circle. You can do it too!

I have not "came out of the closet" about this. My peers at work, people in my community etc, don't know. Some have noticed that I have cut back. Other people have not centered me out nearly as much as I thought they would.

I think that the fear of not drinking ever again is very real, and I had that for sure. The fear, it seems to me, is mixed in with the fear of change. I new lifestyle, after having our present one for decades, is in and of itself scary. To worry about so many people talking about us being sober causes anxiety. Human beings are amazing, we can get used to new ways of life, new habits. It takes time. It took me half a year to really settle in.

Step at a time. You can do it
Hill

[Choochie]

What to do?

Thanks for this post Hill. As I always say, the comments from people like you who have been sober for a while is invaluable to the rest of us. It's like going into the hospital for surgery - the anxiety lessens when you know what to expect. Thanks for giving us some insight!


Choochie

[Doggygirl]

What to do?

flygirl_65;1008583 wrote: Last night, i was at at very formal fundraiser dinner and by the end of the evening was very hammered. I feel embarassed that i might have made an idiot of myself, but the worst thing is that i dont remember. Almost worse than the blacking out, is the guilt that i feel when i get up. And the concern that i have is that THIS ALWAYS happens this way! I wish i could get a handle on it, but i dont seem to be able too. I always say to myself that never again, and then the next time, i just do it all over again. I would like to try and just drink more socially, but i dont know that i can even do that. Does trying to cut down the drinking ever work or is that just a cop out for not wanting to quit completely? I am not dependant on alcohol and i dont suffer any withdrawls if i dont have any..but socially, it seems to fit with every occassion. I never say no. Im not really sure what to do next.

Are you sure I didn't write that???

:welcome:

My fear of life without drinking was HUUUGGGEEE. For many years, when my "functionality" was still really high, I went through the viscious cycle you describe. I would drink, something bad or embarassing would happen, I would be mortified, I would wake up swearing I wouldn't do it again, then it all happened again. And again. And again. I tried every way from Sunday to control my drinking. I swore i was not dependent on alcohol (alcoholic) because "those people" lived under bridges and peed on themselves.

My functionality continued to decrease until I could no longer do the type of work I used to do, etc.

Normal drinkers can easily choose to drink or not. Normal drinkers can drink one drink and stop. Normal drinkers feel crappy after a couple of drinks and don't want any more. They don't drink like I did.

Stopping was the answer for me. Not easy, but the best thing I ever did for myself, my marriage, my career, etc.

Strength and hope to you as you figure this out.

DG