Hi Everyone

[JasonS77]

My name is Jason and I'm 33 years old. I bought the MWO kit several months ago after fully realizing that alcohol had too strong a grip over me and my girlfriend had had enough of my weekly binges. I started the course half-assed though and even though I wasn't drinking for those 6 weeks, I also wasn't utilizing everything I had paid for (supplements, book, hypnotherapy CDs). So after 8 weeks (plenty of time to prove to her I didn't *need* alcohol), I decided that I'd drink again. This was about 2 weeks ago when I first drank. Well, 3 drinking episodes later (this weekend the latest), my girlfriend and I had a terrible fight over my decision to go back to drinking and I'm finding myself depressed and confused. I think I may have other issues with depression and anxiety so that leaves me even more confused. I've been seeing a clinical psychologist for about 11 months, but I think I need to find someone who specializes more in anxiety/depression.

I am a problem drinker, no doubt about it. I'm not sure I can/will admit to full-fledged alcoholism but my dad is a recovering alcoholic, and I can't ever have just one drink. I drink until I'm drunk and most times the night is blurry the next day. I've had the occasional black-out as well. I was doing this once a week for a couple of years until I got the MWO program, then abstained for those 8 weeks and am back to where I was it seems. I'm going to abstain for at least another 6 weeks and actually pick up the book and CDs. I guess that's where I'm at for now.

Thanks for reading.

[sapphire1]

Hi Everyone

:welcome:Hi Jason

You are doing a fine thing by addressing this problem. At 33 years old you still have lots of time to get a real handle on it before it becomes even more destructive and it will there is no doubt about it. The older we get, the less defence our body has on processing alcohol safely and the more intertwined alcohol is with our emotional states. Have you looked at the documentary "Rain in my heart" on here? It is a real eye opener about what can and does happen to people of all ages with excessive alcohol consumption. Were you suffering from anxiety/depression problems before your binge drinking? A lot of the time, we self medicate with alcohol but there comes a time when the cure is far worse than the disease. As you probably know, alcohol apart from being chemically very similar to drain cleaner, is a major depressant and can really knock our neurotransmitters around. The only way you will be able to get a clear picture about your mental/emotional state is after a really good period of sobriety and biochemical repair. It takes some time for any repair to work to make a difference in how we feel but it is so worth the effort. So Jason you have you supplements, your hypno C.D.s buckle your seat belt and get ready for the ride of your life. Read as much as you can from these boards, lurk, post...theres an amazing amount of information here from people with so much experience. Please dont leave it until it becomes the nightmare existence that it can become with continued use, there is a downward spiral and it will take you to the pits of hell (I've been there). You are still young, dont waste it my friend. Strength and grace Saffx

[Anjicia]

Hi Everyone

Just to say welcome Jason and i wish you luck on your journey to recovery.

[one2many]

Hi Everyone

Hi Jason,

Good to see you here!

[hillsidetime]

Hi Everyone

Hi Jason, and welcome. It is good news that you are thinking and reading, and talking about your problems with alcohol. Your drinking pattern sounds a lot like mine. My drinking just increased, and increased, with every new stress in my life etc, until eventually I hit rock bottom. I hope you don't hit there.

Taking time off the booze is great, 6 weeks is an awesome goal. For me, it took much longer than that for my emotions, blood sugar levels etc to level out. After going sober, our body reacts to the change, and it takes time to level back out at the normal homeostatic levels. All the best,
Hill

[Pride before Fall]

Hi Everyone

Hi Jason, and welcome!

The following links to a validated screening tool for alcohol problems. It might help you sort out where you are, and from there, where you want to go:

AUDIT Alcohol Screening Test - Alcohol & Substance Abuse, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Cult & Depression

In the meantime, stick around, read, and post. There are many, many people here sorting through their relationship with alcohol (including me), and there's a wealth of wisdom and experience that can help.

Pride

[Choochie]

Hi Everyone

Jason,

:welcome: - you've gotten excellent advice from Saff and others. I hope you'll stick around and work to give yourself the gift of sobriety.

Here are a few helpful links on the site - do take time to explore, though because there's so much here!

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...hol-46271.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ery-45921.html


Choochie:l

[madmans]

Hi Everyone

hi jason you in good company here

[mario]

Hi Everyone

Hi jason welcome to mwo, keep postingand reading, you are not alone and we can all relate to what you will go through.

[Samantha T.]

Hi Everyone

Hi, Jason,
My middle name has been "Half Ass" when it comes to giving up my beloved Chardonnay. I think we may all share that in common in the early days when we realize we have a problem but are ambivalent about giving it up...because drinking feels good when we are doing it. It is a double-edged sword. It took me awhile to realize that I could read all the books in the world, take all the supplements under the sun, go to AA meetings 8 days a week...but until I was ready to do the work of sitting in some discomfort at the beginning, it was all just vain attempts. But the vain attempts are also part of the process.

I have spent the last year drinking way more than I should (when I first met my addiction therapist, she told me she thought I should keep drinking if that is what I felt I wanted/needed to do. I was not hurting anyone (not drinking and driving) and not drinking to a dangerous point so as to harm myself).

Can you imagine my happy surprise when I found out I was paying someone who didn't tell me to quit :H

In her wisdom, she knew I had not yet "drank enough" to REALLY WANT to quit.

Fast forward to November 2010 and that shift has occurred and I find myself committed 100%.

So my point is, don't beat yourself for half-ass attempts. It is part of getting you to where you will ultimately need to be in order to be ready. Stay on this board and read what everyone says. You will find great wisdom, compassion and experiences that will all help you on your path :welcome:

[Choochie]

Hi Everyone

Great post Sam.

[JasonS77]

Hi Everyone

Thanks so much for the warm welcome everyone. I will stick around. Hosted Thanksgiving and it was a little awkward when I was around alcohol, but I proudly didn't touch any and actually didn't have the desire to (this time).

Sapphire and Samantha - thank you for the information, the silver lining in all of this for me I think (hope) is discovering.

[mylife]

Hi Everyone

Hi Jason and welcome! I wish I had come here when I was 33 -- right around the time I started drinking on a regular basis! If I were you I would nip it in the bud right now. You sound like you are doing great and realizing it's not adding anything to your life will make it that much easier for you! Good luck with your plan!