AAArrrrghhh

[K9Lover]

AAArrrrghhh

Thank you all so much. I'm gonna take a little break from the laptop right now, mostly because my arse is hurting from the way I'm sitting. LOL
Gonna take an Ativan, have some soup, and take a nap. I will be back on later...and definitely tonight!!!

[KateH1]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi K9, I too am sorry to hear about your relapse....darn! I have to say, that I am in agreement with DG and others about the One Day at a Time and at times, minute by minute in the early days. When the thought of drinking first hits, the minute by minute thinking must kick in. Also your "Plan", what can you do to distract you, change your thinking and help you to move past those drinking thoughts? I know that once I buy it, I will drink it and once I have that first drink, all bets are off!

The article that Choochie posted in the General section is really excellent! Stopping the alcohol intake is the first step.....but, it is critical to change our patterns our thoughts and really, the way that we lived whilst we still drank. I highly recomend that everyone not only read this material, but study it and apply it! Remembering that those thoughts and patterns do not just magicly disappear once we are sober, not even after 30, 60, 90 days or even a year or two or three. It takes continuous work! For me the Real changes really began once I began concentrating of Truly Living Sober, rather than simply Resisting the Urge to Drink. Never the less, I must remain diligent when those thought begin!

Wishing you brighter and only alcohol free days ahead!
XXX Kate

[mama bear]

AAArrrrghhh

You are so right Kate

[Doggygirl]

AAArrrrghhh

K9Lover;1011191 wrote: Gosh, I was so happy and content when I wasn't drinking, why would I intentionally do that to myself....start the misery all over again?
Something is apparently missing that I'm trying to cover up with alcohol, I just need to figure out what it is. If only it were that easy. I tried therapy when I first quit, but the truth is that I just didn't have that much to talk about. Weird.

K9, it's possible that it's NOT some deep dark past thing. Addiction all by itself is powerful. I think I crave alcohol because I'm addicted to it, mainly. My childhood had it's high and low points, and I've had issues with this and that person (including family) over the years, etc. But we don't have to have "trauma" to become addicted. Addiction stands on it's own sometimes.

IMO, of course.

DG

[Dewdrop]

AAArrrrghhh

Awww K9er I am so sorry to hear about you troubles, I have missed you recently and was looking for your avatar the last few days and hopeful that you were on holiday.

You have had some great advice and you continue to have strong support on here so use everything in our arsenal to turn this around for yourself and for your daughter. ODAT.

Dewdrop :h

[Accountable for Me]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi K9!

Glad you are back and not to mention safe!!

My suggestion to you is to take your Antabuse everyday. If you do, it won't leave any period of time where you could 'possibly' drink.

Like DG said, there doesn't necessarily need to be some sort of trauma that had happened in order to be alcoholic.

I am glad you are OK. xoxo

[fennel]

AAArrrrghhh

I'm glad you're okay, K9...:l

[Accountable for Me]

AAArrrrghhh

Gosh, I hope my post didn't sound harsh. Geesh as I just re-read it.

I was simply saying that taking the Antabuse doesn't leave room for error in judgment is all. And not to dig too deep looking for something that may have been traumatic to set you off into drinking.

So, sorry if my post sounded harsh. I was writing while Little AFM was shoving a pack of paper she wanted me to open for her.

Ack, anyway, I am glad you are OK!!

[K9Lover]

AAArrrrghhh

Accountable for Me;1011365 wrote: Gosh, I hope my post didn't sound harsh. Geesh as I just re-read it.

I was simply saying that taking the Antabuse doesn't leave room for error in judgment is all. And not to dig too deep looking for something that may have been traumatic to set you off into drinking.

So, sorry if my post sounded harsh. I was writing while Little AFM was shoving a pack of paper she wanted me to open for her.

Ack, anyway, I am glad you are OK!!

It wasnt harsh at ALL! I didnt even think of it that way! Thank you for your post

[Popeye]

AAArrrrghhh

K9Lover;1011203 wrote: I am going to take my Antabuse at 3pm today, it should be fine by then.

I used to take it everyday at 3, because that's when my thoughts usually turn to what I'll drink, where I'll buy it and how much I'll need. Sick thinking!

Hi K9,
Maybe take your Antabuse in the morning, first thing, even before you brush your teeth. The whole point of it is that you can't drink if you take it. I know how our minds sometimes work, planning ahead and not taking it so we can have a night on the piss and then start over again. I've almost fell for that line a few times but I made taking my pill a priority...THE priority. Eventually I came to the point where taking my tablet was a highlight of my day. It settled me and left me relaxed knowing that I had taken it and not having to worry about it. There are lots of little tricks but you need to work them out for yourself as the ones that I use don't work for everyone. It's a mind game I played with my alcoholic self.
Antabuse in itself isn't the cure. It's a means of giving us a break, mind and body, from the effects of the booze and of creating a period of time where we can find ways of living happily without it and also discover that life beyond the bottle can be more fully and deeply lived.
But it takes time, or at least it did for me. I'm still working at it, but it's an enjoyable job, with benefits

[K9Lover]

AAArrrrghhh

Well I just took 2 Antabuse pills, a little later than planned because I had a nice long nap. I have tried it both ways, first thing in the morning, and early afternoon. I just feel it works better for me in the afternoon...dont know why, but I never went off it on that schedule. So for the next 7 days I will take 2 pills a day, then down to one. I'm so thankful I have it available. Actually, I'm thankful for a lot of things today. Last night could have been disastrous, and although I'm upset about giving away some money, that's nothing compared to what a DUI would have cost...in so many ways.

[Popeye]

AAArrrrghhh

Keep trying and you will find your balance.
:l

[sapphire1]

AAArrrrghhh

K9Lover;1011203 wrote: I am going to take my Antabuse at 3pm today, it should be fine by then.

I used to take it everyday at 3, because that's when my thoughts usually turn to what I'll drink, where I'll buy it and how much I'll need. Sick thinking!

Just a thought about antabuse timing K9. Why not take as soon as your eyes open in the morning, that way you can free yourself for the whole day!!!! Waiting until 3pm (witching hour) seems a bit like leaving the door open not to take it, if the urges are too strong. If you take it first up, there is no argument in your head for the rest of the day. Strength and grace, Saffxx

[sapphire1]

AAArrrrghhh

K9Lover;1011191 wrote: Thanks Doggy, it's really true that the only one we need to think about is the "first" one. Gosh, I was so happy and content when I wasn't drinking, why would I intentionally do that to myself....start the misery all over again?
Something is apparently missing that I'm trying to cover up with alcohol, I just need to figure out what it is. If only it were that easy. I tried therapy when I first quit, but the truth is that I just didn't have that much to talk about. Weird.

I'm not sure that talk therapy is for everyone. If you are relatively at peace with past trauma etc. then re-visiting it and re-traumatising can sometimes be counter-productive. If there reallly isnt any subjective stress that kicks us into a binge, then really I think it just biochemical. We wear our nervous systems down with years of abuse and it takes a long time to repair it. I am on a mega-vitamin regime designed to restore my brain and body to normal...until that happens I am vulnerable to sugar highs and lows and neurotransmitter irregularity. I am reading a fantastic Book by "Dr. ABRAM HOFFER AND DR. SAUL' called the VItamin cure for alcoholism....just amazing research and treatments for alcohol and other drug addictions. I am feeling better in myself than I have in 20 years...better in fact than I have in a lifetime. My anxiety is gone completley and my cravings are non-existent (may it stay that way please). Onwards and upwards K9. Love Saffx

[Sunnyvalenting]

AAArrrrghhh

K9, I had so hoped you had it "figured out" this time. Do not dispair. You can restart your commitment to sobriety at any time and it sounds as tho you already have day 1 now!
I didn't ever find it all that helpful to figure out why I drank except to understand that I did so because of the alcohol dependence which I could put on "hold" for a time but which came back full force if I even had one drink. I now understand it more than I did. Thanks to the baclofen I now have 10+ months AF. it is my intention to stay AF for the rest of my life. That decision is "unconditional" In other words there is no condition which would justify a drink. That being the case it makes little sense to figure out why I drank on a particular occasion. Understanding comes slowly and in different ways. The antabuse helps with your motivation for abstinence. The Baclofen helps reduce or eliminate cravings which are the most common cause of relapse. Have you considered trying a different approach? We learn from every failure we survive. And I think one of the biggest blessings of this site is that it accelerates that learning curve as we learn from one another what worked or didn't (yet!) for others.
I wish you all the best and look forward to more happy reports.
Sunny