AAArrrrghhh

[K9Lover]

I completely messed up. I've been drinking for the last 6 nights. Feel like crap!

Even worse is that I drove around last night completely hammered. I'm hating myself right now, but thankful nothing "bad" happened.

[Doggygirl]

AAArrrrghhh

I too am thankful nothing bad happened when you were drinking or drinking&driving. That is always a lucky break. Good to have you back on the wagon. Have you decided what you will be doing differently this time in your sobriety plan?

DG

[mama bear]

AAArrrrghhh

K9!!!!! Baby, what happened????
I am so thankful you are ok, but what the heck set this off??? PM me if you wanna talk

[K9Lover]

AAArrrrghhh

I dont know what happened, I wish I could figure it out. All I know is one night led to two, led to three, etc, etc. I wish this wasnt a battle that I'm going to have to fight for the rest of my life, but I realize it is. As soon as the alcohol is completely out of my system I am going straight back to Antabuse.

Today was one of those mornings where I was scrambling to piece everything together. I HATE that! I posted some mean messages on Facebook so I had to deactivate my account to get rid of them.

The worst is the driving though. My daughter was asleep and didn't even know I was gone. Thank GOD I came home.

[mama bear]

AAArrrrghhh

That is just scary as hell....I am going to PM you right now

[Peacefull]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi K9,

I have been going through a rough time these past couple of weeks and realized that I am suffering through a PAWS episode. Do you think that you are going through that as well? It took all my might to not down a magnum of wine the other day and if it was in the house I probably would have.

It is a roller coaster of a journey we are on. I know you have many AF days behind you and that PAWS strikes at 90, 120, etc Days for up to two years.

I feel like a PAWS salesperson :H but understanding what I am going through is helping to keep me sane and sober.
:h

[mama bear]

AAArrrrghhh

thats a good thought Peace.....I am all over the place emotionally myself right now, too

[K9Lover]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi Peace!
I'm not sure I know exactly what PAWS is....any info would help!

All I DO know is that I'm spending another day in bed...thank goodness I am off today. Last week I called in sick Mon-Wed so I had to go to the doctor and make something up to get a note.

Oh and last night while I was out and about in an inebriated state, I apparently took $200 out of the bank, I have $45 left in my wallet (????). I probably gave it away or something. I do remember some kids camped out in front of a store trying to raise money. I hope I went to a good cause at least.

[techie]

AAArrrrghhh

Oh Nine I'm glad you're OK. My heart breaks reading your post. I don't know what else to say but PLEASE take the antabuse, and know I care about you very much. It pains me deeply to see friends suffer. Thank you for letting us know of your struggle. I'll send you my skype info for the future. You can call me anytime, anywhere and Ill make myself available. Love and hugs...John

[mama bear]

AAArrrrghhh

Holy Crap.....

[mama bear]

AAArrrrghhh

Ditto Techie Niner....and now you have my cell number too

[Miss Behaving]

AAArrrrghhh

K9 - I have spent most of this year in a pattern of several weeks no drinking, then giving in/giving up .......... and then finding it soooo hard to get back on the wagon, even though my rational mind knows that that is what I need to do. I've now gone down the antabuse route as well ..... partly because I was so interested in your comments and experiences when you went onto it. I hate having to take it, but it just stops me from making that completely irrational decision to have a drink. Like Peaceseeking says, it can be a roller coaster. We just have to do whatever it takes to get off.

[K9Lover]

AAArrrrghhh

Thank you all SOOO much. I knew I just had to unload and get this all on the table. And you all mean so much to me, you truly are my friends. I know in other threads we've gone round and round about people continually falling off the "wagon", but I really, really need to just be honest with you guys when I do! I like to think that this is not "normal" for me and that I will receive help, and not criticism....which is exactly what happened. I am so thankful for all of you. I can stop this insanity. I've done it before and I WILL do it again. I am starting to feel better, both mentally and physically. Just getting it all out there really helps. Thank you all for being my friends. :h

[mama bear]

AAArrrrghhh

You have always been there for us sweetie.
Good job Miss Behaving....just dont stop taking it so you can have a "little fun"....I have done that and it is stupid as hell and I regretted it immensly....

[Doggygirl]

AAArrrrghhh

K9Lover;1011150 wrote: I dont know what happened, I wish I could figure it out. All I know is one night led to two, led to three, etc, etc. I wish this wasnt a battle that I'm going to have to fight for the rest of my life, but I realize it is. As soon as the alcohol is completely out of my system I am going straight back to Antabuse.

Today was one of those mornings where I was scrambling to piece everything together. I HATE that! I posted some mean messages on Facebook so I had to deactivate my account to get rid of them.

The worst is the driving though. My daughter was asleep and didn't even know I was gone. Thank GOD I came home.

It can seem really overwhelming to think about a multiple day stretch of drinking and how one led to another and another. For me, this whole analysis got much simpler when I ONLY started being concerned with the FIRST drink. What led to that one? How can you stop yourself from taking the FIRST drink? For me, I know if I drink one then a whole bunch more are automatically going to happen. Fought that battle of "control" long enough to know I can't. So today, there is only one I have to be concerned with, and that's the first one.

Do you know what you need to change to not take the first one?

DG