AAArrrrghhh

[Miss Behaving]

AAArrrrghhh

[quote]Doggygirl;1011258 wrote: K9, it's possible that it's NOT some deep dark past thing. Addiction all by itself is powerful. I think I crave alcohol because I'm addicted to it, mainly. My childhood had it's high and low points, and I've had issues with this and that person (including family) over the years, etc. But we don't have to have "trauma" to become addicted. Addiction stands on it's own sometimes.

IMO, of course.

DG[/QUOT

I think this is what I was trying to say I have had some crap to deal with as I grew up and over the last couple of years. But in the end, I'm an adult, and a big girl, and i can choose to be a victim or can choose to be a winner. I've spent a lot of time choosing to be a victim and I dont want to be one any more.

Hi K9,
Maybe take your Antabuse in the morning, first thing, even before you brush your teeth. The whole point of it is that you can't drink if you take it. I know how our minds sometimes work, planning ahead and not taking it so we can have a night on the piss and then start over again. I've almost fell for that line a few times but I made taking my pill a priority...THE priority. Eventually I came to the point where taking my tablet was a highlight of my day. It settled me and left me relaxed knowing that I had taken it and not having to worry about it. There are lots of little tricks but you need to work them out for yourself as the ones that I use don't work for everyone. It's a mind game I played with my alcoholic self.
Antabuse in itself isn't the cure. It's a means of giving us a break, mind and body, from the effects of the booze and of creating a period of time where we can find ways of living happily without it and also discover that life beyond the bottle can be more fully and deeply lived.
But it takes time, or at least it did for me. I'm still working at it, but it's an enjoyable job, with benefits

OK - without wanting to hijack the thread what time to take antabuse????? My Dr says first thing (because of its effect on sleep) but like K9 I prefer to take it mid-afternoon (psychological effect). But I do think my sleep has been affected by it. I'm not going crazy yet, but I will do if it goes on for much longer!!!! My normal remedies aren't working ........:upset:

Actually, I think I've just talked myself into taking it in the morning!!!!

[Popeye]

AAArrrrghhh

I was supposed to take it 'before bed', and did so for a while, resulting in the best sleeps I could remember, but I had to change it due to my shifts at work which meant I was splitting my sleep aswell. They never made me drowsy but I suppose everyone's different.
When you take it, don't forget to smile

[Guest]

AAArrrrghhh

I just want to say that your posts K9 on this thread have been invaluable for me so far. Although I'm sorry you drank again, it's been exactly what I needed to hear at this point. I'm around 10 days AF now and my life is back in sync, I'm feeling good and the damage I did doesn't seem so bad now. I've got a bad cold and the snow has cancelled a few things for me which has left me with a million excuses to drink, including a large swathe of time without commitments.

I should really get on with some study since I'm behind for my exam, but of course the AL calls too.

Just remembering that I can go to that place where 1 day becomes 2,3,4 etc and that I too could do dangerous things like you did - even though I have never driven drunk since the one and ONLY time when I nearly killed myself, and an innocent family(and that was the only time I ever drove under the influence itself). If I drink anything is possible.

Hope you are getting well and taking the AB you filled in your prescription for last week.

[Samantha T.]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi, K9,
I just read this thread and wanted to extend my thanks to you on posting about your scary experience after so many days AF. It brings home the point that it can happen at any time to anyone. I'm so glad nothing too terrible happened (except the money thing....ARG!) and that you made it home safe. I, too, have had many a night like you describe and there is nothing more horrifying.

Best to you as you get back on the horse!

BTW, I, too, am a K9 lover .. BIGTIME !!

[Ringing Cedars]

AAArrrrghhh

Hey K9....glad you are safe and popping that pill Xs 2!! That shows great foresight and determination. You have so much going for you....beautiful daughter, family, church, job...count your blessings for all that please and fuel it!

[Ringing Cedars]

AAArrrrghhh

And get your sweet little young arse back to the gym too! For some reason I think you let that become something else altogether. Pardon me if I'm off base. I should have probably pm'd this...but my box is always full.:l

[TheSunFlower]

AAArrrrghhh

Thanks for posting

I really appreciate it. I too love my family more than AL....yet struggling. I am done struggling. There is no struggle if I get my prioties right.

Hugs to you!

[lil.michelle]

AAArrrrghhh

Oh hunni, i've only just read this! Please pm me anytime you feel like drinking, you want my number to call as well?
I've been fighting this battle for 3 years now. The thing i have now realised is that EVERTIME i relaspe, i have to start the battle from day one all of again, all the bad feelings, the cravings. It's as if i'd never been af.
You don't always need a trigger to give into the AL. I find it happens when i'm least expecting it, no matter how i feel, bad happy,rock bottom, on top of the world and just ok, it'll creep in whenever it wants.

NOW, i find when these thoughts come, if you were to put a bottle of wine infront of me OR a big box of chocolates, i'd go for the chocolates and because of that, i do believe it's to do with sugar levels dropping.

Also, AL is a liquid sweety, no more, no less. It a liquid worth ruining your life OR someone elses (had you hit someone)

You said you wish you'd never have to battle this for the rest of your life... I've finally come to terms with it and i've been sober nearly 30 days now and i hardly think of AL at all now. You move on from it and it'll disappear... kinda like that ex boyfriend who broke your heart, takes a long time to get over but you find someone else and every so often you'll bump into him and you'll get all those feelings and memories back but that's all they are and you carry on with your day.... That's what AL is..

[OverIt2007]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi K-9,

I hope you are doing better today, Im so sorry I am just catching up on this now. I have been playing the turtle poke thing. Drawing my head back into my shell to figure things out. Im so sorry I have not been around more.

Wanted you to know I was thinking about you. Your such a sweet girl. It really sucks we have these issues, but we do. You will get back on top again, I know you will.

Love you and sorry to just hear of this now

[Dewdrop]

AAArrrrghhh

Evening K9,

Just thought I'd check in and see how you are doing, you've had some great advice and support and I hope you come back with renewed determination and motivation. You have been very inspiring to many on here so please keep going.

I hope you are feeling a bit better,

Dewdrop :h

[K9Lover]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi Everyone!
Doing much better today, although I just laid around again ALL day. Oh well, tomorrow is Monday and time to get back to work.
I was thinking about the money I gave away the other night. I remember them telling me they were saving up to go to an Art Museum (somewhere). I also remember that years and years ago, I was really struggling financially. My co-worker at the time called me into her office and gave me $200. She told me "I don't want you to pay me back, I want you to do the same for someone else when you are able". So I'm considering my debt paid. I've never forgotten her or what she did for me.
Anyway, that's about it for today...Antabuse down the hatch

[mylife]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi K9 - I'm new here and on day 2 AF myself after about a week (I think I took one day off) of compulsive drinking. I've had it with drinking and hope never to drink again. I have been reading a lot of posts and I have to say the friends and support you have here are wonderful. You have a lot of reasons not to drink -- these friends and of course your family being two good ones! I know everything in my life, family included will be better with me sober, so I'm setting off again in my abstinence journey, so maybe we can go the distance together!

[K9Lover]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi MyLife!
We CAN do this together. I will help you in anyway that I can. Please don't let my recent slip/binge derail you. This can be done, WE can do it.!
K9

[mama bear]

AAArrrrghhh

Hi k9...been worrying about you and thinkin about heading that way!!!!
MyLIFE....WE CAN DO THIS.....

[pohutakawatree]

AAArrrrghhh

Hey K9Lover

Have done just what you have done in the past. Have tried to piece things together the next morning and hated myself and even more during the day when I have flash backs of what I think happened (or did I dream that) not sure.
I know it is hard but guilt and berating yourself are also an enemy. Don't hate yourself, you are obviously a very good person to put this out for people to read.
I Have gone out with the family weekly spare money got pissed and given it away not a good feeling.
Anyway try and keep your chin up and do something nice for yourself.
Please don't beat yourself up, you messed up and you know it. That's it and had the courage to ask for help.