fucked off but ready to go

[over it]

dont know where to start! been in this poso before but things are getting worse. Ive realised today after going to the supermarket that im an alcohlic. Sitting here typing this after 1 bottle of wine with my wife and daughter upstairs who have no idea what im going through becxause im so strong and dont show it! Yeeah right!!!!!!! I had about a bottle on the way home! Two mini smirnoffs and a 170ml bottle of wine and im still going.Ive had enough of drinking, theres been a few tough times that have recently happened which has kept me having an excuse to drink but im at the point now where its fuck it, I really need to start afresh with a clean and sober mind. 1st step AA I know its not for some people but the last time I went it didnt exactly stop me in my tracks but made me respect booze a bit more and I cut right back! Suddenly we had a major disaster hit our city and first thing I reach out for is booze! Then to cut a long story short (I would like one now!) Found out that my wife had a bad day and scores with her sisters cousains partner! This was a few weeks ago and all sorted now but then 2 weeks ago got walked off my job as had been offered a n new one at a rival compnay, start date late JAN! So have been left to my own devices and guess whats started taking control again. The old booze! Im fucked off, angry with myself and want to get this out of my system before I start this new job! 42 days away!!!! I wake up fine but by 3 feel panicky and cant concentrate and I know if I hit the booze I will be fine. I cant live this life much longer. Spoke to my wife who loves a drink but just can cut it out about things and she doeesnt really realise ive got a problem! I HAVE! I watched the raining in my heart clips and fuck I dont want to die! I want to live a normal life, ( I pretened to and get away with it) but fuck, enough is enough! All these panic attacks are doing my head in. taking lorazepam to deal with them and then booze when they wear off.! I would....need to stop. But am an arsehole when im 1. hungover and 2. not comfortbaly numb! xxxxxxxxx Love being numb!!!!!!!! I dont know how much more I can take of this.........................

[madmans]

fucked off but ready to go

Hi over it there is load's of people here that have went through bad times like you are now and have managed to stop. I'm not long here myself but i know the drink is making everying look worse for you, the first few days are hard but so worth it . keep reading and posting

[over it]

fucked off but ready to go

thanks mate! gotta get this thing finished! Im over it

[Charlotte's Web]

fucked off but ready to go

Hi Over It,

I've got to that stage too. After having a good start to this year, I have been on a binge since about July. I have been depressed and almost ready to walk away from my husband and son. If I'd had the money I think I may have just run away.

I had a few days AF last week, then had a bottle and a half of wine on Friday. I was SO sick, even though I didn't think this amount was excessive for me. I vomitted and felt like someone had hit me around the head with a cricket bat.

I now realise I can't drink, ever, at all and I feel relieved to wake up to this. I am allergic to aspirin so I never take it. I have to treat AL the same. It does me harm and I should not take it.

Come back and talk soon, Over It.

[Wagoneer]

fucked off but ready to go

Over it...indeed you sound "over it" my friend. It is so hard to take that first step. I can see that you want to be sober and you see what it is doing to you. Get a few days alcohol free and see how it feels. That in itself is addicting. I am 28 days AL free and feel amazing. But I could not have done it with the support of the people here. Sounds like you are putting yourself in some pretty precarious positions - drinking and driving. No good. You have a child to think of. That is what keeps me off the wine - I have told my girls (3 of them) and my husband and some other family members that I am no longer drinking so that I am accountable for my actions. I was scared at first, but it is actually pretty empowering (and scary I wlil admit).

I am sorry to hear of your troubles wth your wife - maybe having a clear head wlil help you guys sort it out. Amazing how being buzzed and/or hungover will exaccerbate every problems. I have the most wonderful husband, but when I was either drinking or hungover every little quirk seemed ginormous! Now, not so much (although to me Men's minds are God's private mystery) but I digress...

Stay posting and reading on here. But make a plan to stay AL free. Get the AL out of your house, take a different route away from the bottle shop or state store...A GOOD SOLID PLAN. That is what really helped me.

Sorry to ramble. I wish you the best and please keep us updated on how you are. There are loads of really cool people here who really care.

Love Kat

[Choochie]

fucked off but ready to go

OI - just wanted to say hello and that we are here for you. I'm copying and pasting a reply I made yesterday to Jenny (she's back after drinking and had asked me about what I was doing that is working for me -- I'm coming up on 60 days alcohol free). So, I'll just post here what I told her. I hope it helps you. You know, though, that there is so much information on the site. Just post your questions and we'll respond. Here is the post to Jenny from yesterday:

Jen, I think there are people here who better understand the crazy chemistry of why people have a hard time at different stages. I just know that the first couple of weeks was super hard for me, then it got a little easier. I would say after about 45 days I had no more cravings and had moved away from needing sugar. Here are the things that I think were helpful for me at the beginning:

First, I wrote a really lengthy letter to myself, actually mailed it to myself (got the idea from here). It outlined in excruciating detail what alcohol did to me and why I decided I had to try to stop drinking. I kept that letter with me and pulled it out to read whenever I was somewhere that I felt vulnerable about caving into drinking again.

Next, I read virtually everything on this website and other websites like Digital Dharma (and Spiritual River)-- website recs from Sheri.

Then I started posting like crazy - asking questions - responding to others. I pay special attention to people like Sheri, Doggygirl, Chill, Dancelot, Greeneyes, Zen, Saff, Techie, KTAB, Mario, Hillside, Fennel -- I'm not remembering all of them, but there really are special people here - intelligent, kind, great common sense, caring, etc. Amazing, really.

Throughout all of it, I took L-Glutamine and drank tons of water with lemon. I tried to eat a lot of greens, protein in the form of beans, cheese, fish, nuts (I think any protein will do). I also ordered one month's worth of supplements (the starter pack with the abstinence meditation tapes).

Around 5 pm (my typical starting to drink time) I would either get on this site and read or chat until 7-8. I also would do Sudoku puzzles, stuff like that (MSNBC has free ones). And, important****I did some kind of exercise (outside) every day whenever possible - a walk or a jog.

That's what got me to this point. I think I've mentioned to you that I believe I've made the mental switch from deprivation to gratitude. I no longer feel I'm missing out on anything without alcohol. Everything after that really tough two week period has turned into positives for me. The quality of my sleep is probably the biggest bonus to me.

I have down times - not really depression, just a kind of fleeting boredom, but I can always think of things to do. I read voraciously - I love books about addiction and just reading in general.

So, that's what I've done. I think about the sweet picture you posted of you and your kids and know they would have a better life if you could give up alcohol. And, of course, so would you!! But you know all that - you're just fighting the beast, and the beast is tricky.

There are a lot of people here, though, with some good sober time - 1, 2, 3 years. So, we know it can be done. One last thing - I am keeping the idea of AA on the back burner as a safety net if I feel like I might drink again. I will attend if I think I need it beyond what I'm getting here at MYO.

Hope this helps in some way. Really pulling for you!!


Choochie

[Lavande]

fucked off but ready to go

over it,

Sorry about your situation but you've made a good decision to stop drinking now before things get worse!

You need to make yourself a good plan to help you get thru your rough times. Take a look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for some good ideas.

A good, strong plan & a firm commitment to yourself will help you. If you have the Hypno CDs, use them. They really helped me change my thinking about AL.

Wishing you the best on your journey!

Lav

[over it]

fucked off but ready to go

Hi guys,

Feel a little better after reading these. One thing ive got to point out thought is I have never driven with a drop of alcohol in me. Never would! Its Monday morning here, whole day ahead of me, list of tasks to complete , Water galore and its ging to be hot! Im confident that I can do something positive and change things around. Will be checking in every few hours. Im at a low point and all I can do is move up.
I cant promise i wont drink today but hell im gonna fight it. Its these panic attacks that really make me want to as it is complete ecstacy when they stop, the thing is once I have a drink to get rid of them I cant!!!!!!!

Cheers for all advice and speak real soon

Over it! xxx