divorce...

[teddybllgame]

Wife just called me and said she's tired of the cycles the family has been going through and wants a divorce. We've been seperated for 3 weeks and I had 2.5 weeks then drank and I have a while 4 days this time. She wants to be a friend and try and be helpful for me, but can't be, I'm not sure, I was heavily weeping at that point. We have 2 kids and I am still trying to break the alcoholic cycle in my family, both parents and grandparents were extreme/full-blown drunks. We have been married 7.5 years, help!!!
thanks,
T
:upset:

[Dewdrop]

divorce...

Hi Teddy & :welcome:

You have come to a good place and my advice is to read, read & read some more as there is a lot of experience and support. What you are going through is difficult and emotional but the drink will only make things worse (in my opinion). Check out the Toolbox Thread and get yourself a plan to start with, everyone recommends 30 days alcohol free to start off with. Maybe if your wife sees that you are committed to changing the situation she may come round, clearly she's reached the end of her tether but maybe it's not final. Whatever happens you need to sort your drinking out for yourself.

Good luck

Dewdrop :h

[Choochie]

divorce...

Teddy, Welcome:welcome:I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Would your wife consider staying if you committed to getting help as Dew suggested? Have you gotten any so far? It sounds like you might need the help of a doctor. If you could get started with medical attention, you could try some medications if they thought it appropriate. Aside from that, if you wanted to stick strictly with MWO, you would just have to start researching the site thoroughlly and picking up ideas that would work for you. The toolbox thread is a good start. Here is a link:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Within the toolbox, there are sample sobriety plans that you can look at. You need to be 100% committed and then post your questions/concerns so people can advise you.

Hugs,
Choochie:l

[teddybllgame]

divorce...

Thx a lot Dewdrop and Choochie,
Yeah, I've been on meds for awhile now, alcohol inhibitors. Been to rehab, outpatient program, been sober for year and a half, 7 months, small bits of time... Going to mtgs now, have a sponsor. Praying more, I just hope this is my "rock bottom" I'm going to do the outpatient program again, but double my efforts this time. Its just much easier to drink since I live by myself literally. Wish me luck... These posters on here do give me strength tho.
thanks,
T

[savon19]

divorce...

What comes to mind, Teddy, is Rehab... and I don't think I can do it - but yet probably Should! I need to be in a place where alcohol simply isn't available.

While I had several times where I stopped (cold turkey) - for a month or even Two... it didn't last...

My brother called it the "last name" curse! And I have it, apparently.

[Choochie]

divorce...

teddybllgame;1012336 wrote: Thx a lot Dewdrop and Choochie,
Yeah, I've been on meds for awhile now, alcohol inhibitors. Been to rehab, outpatient program, been sober for year and a half, 7 months, small bits of time... Going to mtgs now, have a sponsor. Praying more, I just hope this is my "rock bottom" I'm going to do the outpatient program again, but double my efforts this time. Its just much easier to drink since I live by myself literally. Wish me luck... These posters on here do give me strength tho.
thanks,
T

Teddy,

How about a 90-day rehab versus an outpatient rehab? Is that a possibility?

Sending you peace and strength,
Choochie

[teddybllgame]

divorce...

choochie,
Not really with my work. I missed a month two years ago from work. Are you talking like on the show Intervention, 90 days? (one of my fav shows btw) I just wish I didn't screw up so much in the past. I know quite a bit about this disease, but continue to lose battles darn it! Any other thoughts?
thx,
T:thanks:

[Choochie]

divorce...

I have not been to rehab but was just trying to think of an alternative since the outpatient treatment didn't work. I'm sure there are shorter ones, but if you can't do it because of your job, well...........just seems that drastic measures might be required to fix big problems??? And, yes, I guess I did get 90 days from Intervention. Absolutely one of my favorite shows!

So, Teddy, guess you'll have to continue with your current idea of AA, a Sponsor, and outpatient. Maybe that combination will do it.

It's funny, but you are saying that you are so free to drink because you're alone. My problem is the exact opposite. I'm so relaxed and content when I'm by myself that I don't want to drink. It's when I go out or am around others that I'm tempted. Just goes to show you how different we all are in what triggers us to drink. I can stay busy, productive, happy at home, but when I get out..........different story. Hope that changes for me since I'm not sure it's practical for me to be a hermit yet.

Good luck and keep us posted on your progress. You might try the chat room here in the evenings.

Choochie

[Wagoneer]

divorce...

Teddy - I am not long term sober (28 days today) but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your struggle. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have a child though, so this makes it that much more important. I hope that you find the strength to beat this bastard called alcohol. YOU and your family are worth it. It is hard, really, really hard but worth it. Please take care.

[mylife]

divorce...

Hi Teddy,
I am new here, too and just wanted to wish you luck. All I can say from my experience is that not drinking makes all problems smaller. My feeling is that you can be a happier person if you just commit to that one thing. For me, trying to find a spiritual side or belief system really helps also.
Wish you the best of luck. Trust me, we all understand how hard this is, and we're here for you!

[Samantha T.]

divorce...

Hi Teddy,
I am so very sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to comment that I can totally relate to your being free to drink when you are alone. I live alone, always have, which is one reason I think my drinking got so terribly out of control. I had no one to nag me, no one to be accountable to. It took me finally starting to want to show myself some deep respect to turn things around and WANT to quit - FOR MYSELF. Wheeew...that has not been easy since "self love" was something I never knew. But I am starting to love myself enough to want this sobriety. I just thought I would share that in case there is anything about it that you can relate to. I used to think, rather childishly, "Oh, heee-heee...I can do whatever I want because no one knows I am doing it." And I really thought I was getting away with something. Really, all I was getting away with was systematic self destruction :upset:

Anyway...welcome to you and I wish you the best as you sort things out and come up with a plan. There is lots of wonderful encouragement, wisdom and support here....

[Choochie]

divorce...

Great post Sam:l

[techie]

divorce...

Wishing you the best Teddy. The damn alcohol does impact our relationships I know firsthand. Stay positive and focused on you and dealing with the alcohol abuse. Your loved ones, friends, and associates will all see the positive change in you. For me, getting my alcohol abuse under control has changed my life in profound and exciting ways. I hope so much you find that too. John