friends unsupportive of quitting

[Charlotte]

Hi all.

This is my first time here, and my first time to seek support for stopping drinking. I've binge drank for nearly 20 years. Sometimes I've had the best nights ever, some nights have ended in absolute disaster... blackouts that have resulted in things as shameful as arrests, risky sexual behaviour, and personal injury.

Several times over the years, after particularly bad events, I've tried to quit drinking. And I have succeeded, for a while. The trouble is that after a few months I forget how bad things were and how awful I felt about myself and I start having one or two. That can be ok for a little while, but it always ends up back at square one, usually after some trigger like stress at work or a bereavement etc.

How can I stop for good? I get very little support from friends, as where I live there is a huge drinking culture. It's actually very difficult to even find people who don't drink. I feel very isolated already, and I've only done 10 days without a drink!

I know the received wisdom is that you find new friends, but I like my old ones, and the thoughts of losing people I've known for years as well as not drinking just makes me want to cry.

[JackieClaire]

friends unsupportive of quitting

:welcome: Charlotte,
Sorry that your friends want you to keep you as a drinking buddy. First thoughts are to get 30 days AF (alcohol free) under your belt just by saying you're on a health kick and see if any one wants to join you.
I'll have another think and get back to you.
J x
:l

Back again
Have a look in the link below and it holds masses of info to get AF and also stay AF.
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Hope this helps. Keep posting and keep reading and let us get to know you.

[Mazzie]

friends unsupportive of quitting

Hi Charlotte

It's a bugger isn't it - not being able to stop at 1 or 2. If we could just have that 1 or 2 now and again no one would have a problem. It sounds like you are surrounded by it and this would make giving up the al more difficult but still doable if you are really 100% totally committed to doing that.

On some threads some have posted links to info on addictive behaviour and what al is doing to our brains to keep us in its clutches etc. I don't know how to post those links sorry. Information like this helping me to understand the whats and whys is saving my butt.

Alcohol addiction, consumption and the consequences of that consumption will only ever get worse if left unchecked. It will never get better without action on our part.

Congrats on the 10 days. Just keep it going.

All the best

Maz

[_EndOfTheLine_]

friends unsupportive of quitting

I've got the same problem regarding friends. I think you've just got to be prepared to take a little bit of flack from them for a while without taking it too seriously. You do have to be firm with them though, if you give them an inch....

If you have to invent a medical problem. Pancreatitis? That will give you 6 months.

[Choochie]

friends unsupportive of quitting

:welcome:Congrats on 10 days - that's a wonderful start!!

Charlotte, to me if someone is your friend, knows you have a problem with alcohol, and still wants you to drink with them, it is selfish on their part. If you are younger, though, I'm not surprised. I think you have to do what is best for you even if it means losing so-called friends. If you get into a program, you will find nondrinking friends. I like EotL's suggestion - make something up if you want. Or, be firm and tell them you have to do this! Easier said than done, I know.

If you want to get sober, you have to really want it, have a plan in place, and work on staying sober. The tool box link Jackie gave you has lots of ideas on sobriety plans, etc. Most plans have several components including healthy diet, lots of water, supplements, anti-craving supplements, and exercise.

Please take the time to read and post here. It will be a big help to you.

Good luck!!

Choochie:l

[Guitarista]

friends unsupportive of quitting

Hi Charlotte, and welcome.

A big drinking culture here indeed, but there is so much more out there to do, so much more to life, and lot's of people get on with life and enjoy a rich one, without the grog. I agree with Jackie that 30 day's alcohol free is a great place to start. You need to take action here, bite the bullet, and do. I know exactly what you mean about old friend's who drink. Most of my best friends are drinker's, and now i've been sober for awhile, i can go and hang with them without a worry. But if people turn out not to be friend's, and only value you as a drinking partner, you may want to consider moving on from them. Some sober time will give you a clearer head, and clearer direction and decision's can be made. Great stuff on 10 day's. Keep it going!

Best wishes on your journey. G-bloke.

[Charlotte's Web]

friends unsupportive of quitting

Hi Charlotte and welcome.

Although this has not been an issue for me, I have heard of people who had "drinking friends" and "normal friends" - sorry for the turn of phrase. Are the people that have an issue with you not drinking REAL friends or people that you drink with. Can you take a step back and look at that?

The last few times I've been out, I have had soft drinks and my friends have not said a thing - even though I was always the first to get drunk before.

Earlier in the year, I told everyone I wanted to get fitter and healthier, so maybe that's an option for you.

xx

[Accountable for Me]

friends unsupportive of quitting

Hi! Welcome!

It is tough all around when you decide to quit drinking. Everything changes.

Decide what you need to do. Your friends will either get use to the idea you want to make positive changes in your life or they won't. Bottom line is you need to think about what is best for you.

I wish you all the best. Friends will be there for you no matter what.

[Popeye]

friends unsupportive of quitting

As Guitarista mentioned...You could make new friends, ones that enjoy living without drinking and keep your old ones too.
It's a big step and will involve some difficult choices but they need to be made. We're so conditioned and pressurised to live and play in certain ways and it takes courage to get out of the groove and onto the lifestyle that's right for you.
Good Luck,

[hillsidetime]

friends unsupportive of quitting

Hi Charlotte, and welcome. You should really be proud of your ten days of being sober, especially in your social situation that you describe. Certainly from what you explain, it is time to really examine your alcohol intake and habits, similar cycles flirting with sobriety, and I would agree with you that stopping seems to be the best thing you could do. A lot of us in here can tell you that we had similar habits, and eventually we ended up in a really bad place.

Deciding to go sober, is very complicated. I never really thought about it when I was drinking. I used to simply anticipate the physiological effects of not drinking. The social ramifications, especially in a situation like yours are complicated and cause a lot of anxiety for sure. Regardless of what others do, we need focus on our own wellness, it is hard work, but so worthwhile. Your ture and valued friends will still love you sober, and you will love yourself sober!

One frustration that we all have to work through is how alcohol has its claws in us, for a long time, even when we are sober. It is a battle to go sober. You can fight through the stress about friends and family and your sobriety, but it takes work, and we are here to support you.

All the best, read and write lots.
Hill

[gogators]

friends unsupportive of quitting

I have found most friends to be supportive. I actually had a drinking buddy, and when I was abstaining, I went over to his house because I honestly didn't have any clue if I had anything in common with him outside of booze. I was surprised to find out that we had a lot in common, and I had fun hanging out. he got wasted, but he only asked if I wanted a beer once. I told him that I hadn't been drinking, and he was actually kinda proud. I've also ran into friends that are in denial. I thought we were supposed to be the one's in denial. I would tell them, "I drink too much," and they would tell me I didn't. whatever.

[lil.michelle]

friends unsupportive of quitting

Hunni, i don't personally think you need to lose your friends that you have. They don't anc can't control if you drink or not. Only YOU pick up that glass and drink. I'm sure they'll get used to you not drinking. Do it for YOU. Stay strong. We're all here for you!

[Charlotte]

friends unsupportive of quitting

Thanks everyone. I suppose I'm just going to have to give people time to adjust to the new me. I've been in full-on party mode for a long time so it's no wonder they're surprised!

Have a birthday party on Saturday which will be the first major test. I can't get out of going, but I'm arriving late and leaving early. Have made plans for the following morning to keep me focused, and bought myself a new dress to give me a bit of confidence without the booze.

Dreading seeing a few people because of stupid things said and done on my last drinking night. At least I know I won't be in that position again though, I suppose...

[moglor]

friends unsupportive of quitting

My friends don't really know the extent of my problems or the battle I've gone through to quit, so I end up dealing with a lot of flak when I don't drink. I usually just pass it off as being on a diet or trying to lose weight, both of which I've done in the past. I suspect they'll start to get the idea when I actually stick to this "diet" !