Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

    I cant imagine going a night without drinking. i dont drink and get wasted everynight. there are even some nights each week i dont drink.
    usually 2 glasses/2 beers is what i have. typically its champagne/wine.
    i drink because it calms me. i have high blood pressure, i deal with a lot of stressors during a typical day, and i feel like im going to have a heart attack unless i calm down.
    no health insurance so no, seeing a doc is not an option. my husband is not supportive, he just yells at me about it. i dont even know if with support i could do it.
    i cant imagine being sober more than 1 or 2 nights in a row honestly.
    mostly because i am in a home where i feel miserable. and leaving is not an option either, id just drink more and make more mistakes in life than i already have.
    i dont drink to "forget my troubles" i drink to deal with them.
    when im mad at my husband for not loving me or being nice, i want a drink and then i dont care what he says or does.
    when im sober, im hurt, lost, helpless, sad. i want to cry. everything stresses me out.
    the only good thing i have to offer is that my daughter is well taken care of, happy, healthy, and has no idea what goes on. i think if my husband was nicer to me i wouldnt want to drink so often, but he says that cant happen basically. so im lost, really lost. i recently started wondering how my liver is doing. im only 27. fairly healthy i think other than the high BP, that runs in my family.
    its not like the past 6 yrs ive drank everyday. really, its mostly only been since my daughters 2nd birthday. i drank before that, but not more than 3 nights a week (usually weekends when my husband was home from work)
    my husband has been unemployed most of the past year also, and so were around each other constantly. i can honestly so also, that when he is working i dont want to drink as much either, because i feel less stress since he isnt home yellin at me, or ignoring me, etc.
    i wish this was easy.

    #2
    Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

    OH, BSB...I sure do feel where you are coming from about not knowing if you even want to quit! OMG! That has been me for the past 15 years. My career life is so miserable and I feel so "stuck", "trapped" by my life circumstances (for different reasons than you do, but we still both feel trapped)...

    I would never presume to tell you what you should do but what I can say is that when I was your age (I'm 48 now) I was drinking exactly the amounts that you are drinking with the same frequency. I never thought much about it and certainly never thought of quitting because it didn't really interfere with my life.

    In Allen Carr's book The Easy Way to Stop Drinking, he makes the statement that alcohol is a very addictive substance and that we fall into it much like an animal getting stuck in a trap. We innocently partake and for awhile, it's all good. But it slowly, slowly sucks us in, especially if our life circumstances are such that we are extra vulnerable (like you are right now...and most of us on this board have been/are as well). The bottom line is it feels damned good to check out and get numb. Who wouldn't love that opportunity when they are stressed out and unhappy?

    My point is that just because you aren't drinking a lot now, doesn't mean you won't be many years down the road. I think it's great that you are on this board and even contemplating quitting. It may not be the right time for you to quit and you may not even feel like you need to. But having the experience of being on this board will at least give you a window into the way things can fall apart if you start getting sucked in. I would say just keep your eyes open and really check in with yourself from time to time. Nobody overdrinks because they are so happy and loving life. We all get trapped b/c we thought it was helping us relieve stress. But really just the opposite is true. You will know when/if it's time to quit. In the meantime, I wish you strength and courage in your situation. It sounds very challenging....
    "No matter what happens, be fearless!"
    Sam - AF since 12/11/10

    Comment


      #3
      Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

      It sounds like a bad situation to be in, for both you and your daughter.
      The Alcohol is not helping you deal with your situation, it's really just helping you stay in it. Not being able to function at your best is really limiting your abilities and it's allowing your situation to become more magnified and hopeless. I know you think that Alcohol is helping you, but it's not your friend.
      Have you considered marriage councelling and kicking the AL? You will be able to make clearer decisions when you're not under the hold of AL.
      Try reading around the threads here, check out the Toolbox and post for advice. It does help to have support .
      Good luck on your journey,

      Comment


        #4
        Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

        BSB, welcome. Samantha anb BB, have some excellent thoughts for sure. I used to drink for a lot of the same reasons you, and eventually for any reason. As time went by, the drinking increased and eventually I hit rock bottom - I would hate for you to go there - you have a young girl, who needs her mom. From what you write, it seems that alcohol may have a strangle hold on you. Read and write lots, there are many people here who can give you caring thoughts and feedback. All the best,
        Hill
        Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

        Comment


          #5
          Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

          Hi BSB!
          It was nice talking to you last night in chat. I hope you're doing okay today. Stick around the site and let us help you ok?
          :h
          K9
          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

          Comment


            #6
            Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

            :welcome: BSB. I like what Brigitte Bardot posted. :l AL truly doesn't solve any problems. Not physical issues like blood pressure (mine has dropped dramatically since I quit drinking) or emotional / life problems like an unhappy marriage. (I'm blessed with a good husband, but my drinking almost ruined it). I too used to think that AL "helped" me somehow.

            You've come to a good place and I hope you feel free to read and post lots as you sort out how you feel about AL and life.

            DG
            Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
            Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


            One day at a time.

            Comment


              #7
              Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

              BSB - you've gotten some stellar advice here already but I just want to add some thoughts.

              All of us started out like you and got to where we are now. You may think that alcohol is helping you cope, but it's a tricky addiction. The very things you think it's making better in fact are really going to cause problems for you down the road. As you drink more, you will have more anxiety, the alcohol will be come less effective, you'll have to drink more. Keep in mind that alcohol (ethanol) is a poison and you will progressively work your way into a trap that will be harder and harder to get out of. I wish I knew now what you're learning at age 27. Here's the worst part of all: alcohol is reconfiguring the neural pathways of your brain that give you pleasure. So, eventually, you won't be able to feel pleasure on your own and will require alcohol to get that feeling. You can see how dangerous a proposition this is.

              What you're not able to imagine is that life is actually better without alcohol if you give yourself enough time. And, how to deal with the problems in your life will be clearer if you can take alcohol out of the picture. You don't see that now, but just read the posts on this website. You'll see that same theme over and over and over!

              Sending you peace and strength,
              Choochie

              Comment


                #8
                Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

                BSB, something must have been bothering you to bring you here....that niggly little doubt in the back of your mind that won't go away.

                I drank like you at 27, it escalates little by little, bit by bit, and you don't notice it/admit it until you have a full blown problem.

                If you cannot honestly imagine being sober more than one or 2 nights, that to me rings a warning bell.

                Glad you are here, this place rocks and can really help.

                The very best to you.

                Oney x
                "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

                AF 10th May 2010
                NF 12th May 2010

                Comment


                  #9
                  Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

                  BSB - I cannot add anymore than these wise friends have posted. But I really wish I had gotten a clue earlier than now - I am 46. I am a month sober and it has changed my life. God, what I have missed! I am making up for it now with my family. Life is too short to live it through wine goggles. Oney is right on when she said "something brought you here". Stay here. Read, read, read and post all you want. You are among friends who will help you on your journey. It is hard, but I promise it is worth it. I would not be where I am had I not stuck around.
                  February 27th, 2013. A New , Successful Start. :h

                  When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

                    Just so impressed with all of the thoughtful, wise, and caring responses here.

                    Stick around BlowingBubbles.

                    M3
                    AF Since April 20, 2008
                    4 Years!!!
                    :lilheart:

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

                      Choochie;1013498 wrote: BSB - you've gotten some stellar advice here already but I just want to add some thoughts.

                      All of us started out like you and got to where we are now. You may think that alcohol is helping you cope, but it's a tricky addiction. The very things you think it's making better in fact are really going to cause problems for you down the road. As you drink more, you will have more anxiety, the alcohol will be come less effective, you'll have to drink more. Keep in mind that alcohol (ethanol) is a poison and you will progressively work your way into a trap that will be harder and harder to get out of. I wish I knew now what you're learning at age 27. Here's the worst part of all: alcohol is reconfiguring the neural pathways of your brain that give you pleasure. So, eventually, you won't be able to feel pleasure on your own and will require alcohol to get that feeling. You can see how dangerous a proposition this is.

                      What you're not able to imagine is that life is actually better without alcohol if you give yourself enough time. And, how to deal with the problems in your life will be clearer if you can take alcohol out of the pictures. You don't see that now, but just read the posts on this website. You'll see that same theme over and over and over!

                      Sending you peace and strength,
                      Choochie
                      Excellent post, Choochie...

                      BSB, I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but alcohol actually increases your blood pressure. A lot. If you're going unmonitored, you can develop diabetes, kidney failure, stroke, etc. I have a suspicion that your relationship will improve if you can gain control or stop your drinking. If it doesn't improve, you'll at least have the mental and emotional resources to either take steps to improve it, or find an alternative.

                      Stick around for a while and read, read, read...:h

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

                        wow. im really quite amazed at the response given by all of you. i especially enjoyed chatting last night, and hope to again tonight, and everynight i possibly can. you all rock for being so supportive of each other. it makes me smile to know i have a place to go that i can feel comfortable. i cant really talk to anyone else about this stuff. im very happy to be here. and thankyou all very much for the replies and wisdom.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

                          Nice to "see" you BSB...you're pretty! See you in chat soon!
                          :h
                          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

                            likewise k9! ill be around a lot

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Not Sure I Even Want To Quit

                              Hi sweety.
                              I have to ask this, why is your husband like this with you? You say you drink because of this, maybe you need to think why the hell you should stand for it!?!

                              I used to look at people and think, how the hell do you get through a day without drinking, i honestly couldn't see how it was possible. I stopped because i had a little girl who was watching me. i couldn't bare her to grow up with a drunk for a mother. I now have a son and there is no way i want them around AL. My parents drank all the time when i was at home so i thought drinking a bottle to 2 bottles of wine a night was normal. It's not. I don't want my kids thinking that.

                              You say you don't drink a lot but you can't cover up your problems forever hun. You need to face them. I know it's hard and you have a child involved but you're young (27 like me but i lost control of my al intake) and have soo much to offer, a life ahead of you. Please try fix your problems befor you start drinking more and end up in a mess like most of us.

                              I'm here if you need to chat! pm me anytime Xxx

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X