It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

[Recluse]

with apologies to Leonard Cohen. In a few weeks time it will be four in the morning, the end of December. Will anything have changed? Doubt it. Hoping to get an assessment appointment before Christmas and then, with luck, begin one to one work next month. Tried hard to give up by myself last year and failed miserably. Drinking much more this year, so not going to try again by myself as I know it won't work. Not managed a single even slightly-AF day this year. Success breeds success and failure breeds failure. Maybe next year will be the year that I break free and live the life I want to live? If not, things are going to be bad. Have consumed a bit more than half a litre of whisky this evening. When will I learn not to post things under the influence?:question: I nearly always regret it.

[sapphire1]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Recluse;1016334 wrote: with apologies to Leonard Cohen. In a few weeks time it will be four in the morning, the end of December. Will anything have changed? Doubt it. Hoping to get an assessment appointment before Christmas and then, with luck, begin one to one work next month. Tried hard to give up by myself last year and failed miserably. Drinking much more this year, so not going to try again by myself as I know it won't work. Success breeds success and failure breeds failure. Maybe next year will be the year that I break free and live the life I want to live? If not, things are going to be bad. Have consumed a bit more than half a litre of whisky this evening. When will I learn not to post things under the influence?:question: I nearly always regret it.

Hi there recluse. Good news on your assessment, thats a huge step in the right direction!!! Hang in there until then, read,lurk and post here (drinking or not drinking) imo it doesnt matter as long as you are reaching out and connecting with people. I tried everything under the sun to get sober for ten long years and I can honestly say that I have cracked it. I am not saying that I will never slip and up and drink again, but what I do know is that I will never go back to the lonely darkness of full on drinking EVER!!!!! Its an inner knowing that cant really be defined or rationalised. So Recluse there is hope and lots of it that you will find your way..all you have to have really is a burning desire to continue the search until you find your pot of gold. Sending you strength and grace Saff:l:l

[Recluse]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Thank you for the encouragement Saff. I guess that's what this place is all about. We all have some understanding of what each other is going through. Very pleased for you that you have cracked it. Very well done!

All the best

Recluse

[medic]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Hi R.

I know too the lingering doubts that nothing will change. I am struggling with going a day without alcohol. It is my coping mechanism for getting through the day, or at least that is what my schizo sub-personality is telling me. The fact we are here on the forums shows we have better sense though.

The tough thing is obviously evading the impulses to sell ourselves short by giving into our so-called desire for alcohol. Alcohol is drain cleaner with the additive of a more palatable taste and mind altering side effects. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I have told myself tomorrow is going to be a new day and no matter what happens I will get through tomorrow without reaching for the drain cleaner.

Somebody on the forums mentioned Amoryn as a treatment for depression/cravings. I believe it's much like St. John's Wort if I'm not mistaken. As soon as I finish work I'm going to go to the all night supermarket and pick up one or the other and see if it can help me with my mindset.

I hope you can find something that will help you keep off the drain cleaner.

med+c

[gogators]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

hey recluse. I actually lost my girlfriend, and the child I helped her raise due to my isolation. it sucks. I'm still averaging about 30 drinks per night. I ordered some medication, so we'll see how that works. the worst part of all this is that I am actually a pretty cool dude. I'm fun, and have a good personality, but I rarely let people see it. we'll get there.

[techie]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Hi Recluse I hope you find the New Year your portal to freedom from this disease. I only know too well the struggle to break the vicious cycle of dependence. It took me manyl starts and stops to get there. I have been totally AF for over six months. We all deserve to find happiness and sobriety. For once in a very long time I'm back in control. Go get yourself some of that. I wish you well and I'm always available to talk! John

[Recluse]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Thanks to everyone who replied. The replies all help, whether they are tales of success or failure, or something in between, and occasionally they make me laugh. Medic made me laugh, calling alcohol "drain cleaner"! I thought I was down in the gutter but now, apparently, I'm a drain! Well, I guess I am...

[j-vo]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Hi Recluse,
Check out the MWO book. It's a great start and lots of tools to aid in sobriety. Good luck to you.

[Dewdrop]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Recluse (and others lurking or reading) don?t ever feel that you are a failure because you are here and you are trying in whatever small way you are still reaching out. You know you have a problem and you?ve accepted that it can?t continue, and you are taking steps to address it, that alone is a huge achievement. Done underestimate the power of this addiction.

Keep posting, keep reading and connect with other people on here you never know what will trigger the determination to stop. I?ve had so many 3 in the mornings and it makes me sad sometimes to think of the wasted years now that I am sober.

You have things set in place for the New Year so hang around here till then, get your plan in place and prepare yourself, try and get a few AF days under your belt and take it ODAT. Hell if I can do it you sure can.

Dewdrop :h

[Doggygirl]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Recluse, just wanted to say hi and let you know I am rooting for you. It took me SO many years to figure out that I 1) have no control, and will never have any control over AL if I start drinking it and 2) I could not stop or reduce my drinking by myself. As the years went by, I drank more and more in isolation. I understand that vicious circle and I hope 2011 is your year to get free!

I hope your assessment goes well and is helpful. I second the motion about the MWO book if you haven't already read it. I am also reading two books right now - The Diet Cure and Potatoes Not Prozak which are hitting home for me in an eery way. Just tossing that out there FWIW.

Strength and hope to you! Keep posting.

DG

[Recluse]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Short and to the point. Thanks to j-vo, Dd, and especially Dg for your comments. Dg - a lot of what you said rang true, and it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who drinks alone.

[Wagoneer]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

All the best to you R. We are here for you in your journey. ODAT is how I did it. Only 36 days sober, but I can tell you my life is better in a myriad of ways. And I could not have done it without the people on this site. Seriously.

Take care

[cmhguy3]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Recluse, you are not alone! You would be surprised how many isolated drinkers are out there and on MWO. I am one also. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Be strong, start with one day at a time, read the book, when the urge hits take a walk, take a drive, do something to keep busy. Keep reading and Keep the faith!

Guy
Day 3 AF

[Choochie]

It's three in the morning, the beginning of December

Recluse, just wanted to welcome you and tell you that we are here for you. I think reading the MWO book is a great way to begin if you want to get some af days - you can download it from this site. Or, if you want to PM me an address I would be happy to send you my copy. We've all been where you're at right now so don't think you're alone. Post your questions and read all you have time for on this site.

Choochie