This is a long post... sorry
I've finally hit that realisation that i can no longer drink, no matter what. After hundreds of relapses it finally clicked. I've been sober for over 30 days now. I don't even think of AL. No matter what the situation, AL never pops up anymore. What i have found is that i feel like i'm having to start the basics of life ALL over again.
The last 3 weeks have been all over the place, lots of pain in my back, lots of doctors appointments... we have tried to sell our house on and off for 9-10 months at a time for 3 years now but have never had any luck due to the fact that our house is RIGHT on a main road. Anyway, me and hubby decided to give it one last shot as although our house is PERFECT, if (god forbid) one of my children got out, the chances are they would get hit by a car. Same with the dog. I've already lost a cat due to the road so yes, one last shot. SO 2 weeks on the market and it sold, ?6000 under the asking price, which my husband raised anyway so it sold on the vaule the estate agents gave us. We were told we need to be done by middle of Jan but we haven't even looked at any houses SO yesterday we spent all day searching and viewing houses and luckily found 2 perfect ones. So now i need to pack the houses ect ect AND i have my operation on my spine on the 16th so i need to get MOST of it done before then.
ALSO My mums cat sadly died which very emtional for me, the upcoming operation is weighing on my mind, had 2 ill children... Oh the list goes on on and ON. Had food posioning, sickness bug and more ='(
Throughout all of this, i haven't once thought about even lifting a drink.
HOWEVER, like i said at the start of the post, i've found i am having to learn the basics of life again. Dealing with emtions has been very confusing for me. I've got 2 children and as they grow you can see them learning how to deal with there emotions. For example, My little girl is 3 and when she gets happy she bursts in to tears as she hasn't yet figured out how to control them. My little 7 month get fustrated and again doesn't yet know how to deal with them and now I AM THE SAME. No matter what happened in the past, anything good, anything bad, just because, i used to reach for that drink and numb it all. Now i'm learning how to cope with them. Most of the time, just like my children, i burst into tears as i haven't yet 'got it'. It's amazing how AL controls so much. It just seems to be human nature to pick up that drink after a hard day at work, bad news, good news.. even for people without a drinking problem.. I'm starting to wonder how much of the worlds people actually know how to deal with these emtions without a drink...
It's hard!
I've finally hit that realisation that i can no longer drink, no matter what. After hundreds of relapses it finally clicked. I've been sober for over 30 days now. I don't even think of AL. No matter what the situation, AL never pops up anymore. What i have found is that i feel like i'm having to start the basics of life ALL over again.
The last 3 weeks have been all over the place, lots of pain in my back, lots of doctors appointments... we have tried to sell our house on and off for 9-10 months at a time for 3 years now but have never had any luck due to the fact that our house is RIGHT on a main road. Anyway, me and hubby decided to give it one last shot as although our house is PERFECT, if (god forbid) one of my children got out, the chances are they would get hit by a car. Same with the dog. I've already lost a cat due to the road so yes, one last shot. SO 2 weeks on the market and it sold, ?6000 under the asking price, which my husband raised anyway so it sold on the vaule the estate agents gave us. We were told we need to be done by middle of Jan but we haven't even looked at any houses SO yesterday we spent all day searching and viewing houses and luckily found 2 perfect ones. So now i need to pack the houses ect ect AND i have my operation on my spine on the 16th so i need to get MOST of it done before then.
ALSO My mums cat sadly died which very emtional for me, the upcoming operation is weighing on my mind, had 2 ill children... Oh the list goes on on and ON. Had food posioning, sickness bug and more ='(
Throughout all of this, i haven't once thought about even lifting a drink.
HOWEVER, like i said at the start of the post, i've found i am having to learn the basics of life again. Dealing with emtions has been very confusing for me. I've got 2 children and as they grow you can see them learning how to deal with there emotions. For example, My little girl is 3 and when she gets happy she bursts in to tears as she hasn't yet figured out how to control them. My little 7 month get fustrated and again doesn't yet know how to deal with them and now I AM THE SAME. No matter what happened in the past, anything good, anything bad, just because, i used to reach for that drink and numb it all. Now i'm learning how to cope with them. Most of the time, just like my children, i burst into tears as i haven't yet 'got it'. It's amazing how AL controls so much. It just seems to be human nature to pick up that drink after a hard day at work, bad news, good news.. even for people without a drinking problem.. I'm starting to wonder how much of the worlds people actually know how to deal with these emtions without a drink...
It's hard!
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