I think I finally got the message

[Trixiebelle]

After almost 30 years, I think my alcohol career is finally coming to a close - I think after all these years I HAVE FINALLY GOT THE GODDAMN MESSAGE.

Last weekend I put on the biggest and best display of my career.

I got totally plastered at the staff Christmas party and cannot remember much after the first hour or so.

When i got back to work, only one person said anything to me. Total and utter shame. I would rather they teased me about how drunk I got, all I got was a total silence.

Was I that bad????? I cant remember.

Oh I have done this many many times, but this time it's different. I have totally and utterley humiliated myself beyond words.

I have not drunk a drop since (almost a week - and that is a first time in 30 years!!!!) I'm too scared to.

I have now come to the harsh realisation that I cannot handle the grog.

In some ways its a relief, and perhaps a blessing in disguise.

I hope this is finally my exit off the highway to hell.

Thanks for listening.

[mylife]

I think I finally got the message

Hi Trixie, Welcome! I think a lot of us have one of "those" memories, public or not, that is so shameful, we decided that is it. Enough. The good thing to know is it will pass, and you'll move on with your life in a more positive direction.

I recommend you write down exactly how you feel and everything that you remember happening right now, so that you can pull it out and re-read it if you ever feel the urge to lapse again. Good luck with your journey. Sobriety is so much better than being drunk!

[Korlan]

I think I finally got the message

Trix, great news!! Just think, you jhave the rest of your life knowing that whatever you do, you're actually going to remember, and you'll have a lot fewer of them since you won't be making drunk decisions! It's a great feeling, scary sometimes, but that's why I'm on the boards!

Stay Strong! Great Idea ML - I relapsed last week, not badly, but was so bloody miserable after the first drink that I wrote down all the crap that sucked, lost of money, dog not walked, house filthy, maudlin and depressed - I don't want to ever be there again!

[Trixiebelle]

I think I finally got the message

Thanks for the idea ML, I am still feeling it all nearly a week later, so it wont be hard to recall, and thanks also for the support from you both.

This afternoon is the test. My husband lives about 1.5 hours away from me (lonliness - another reason to crack open another one) I go down to his place every weekend. We have been drinking partners for 20 years - wish me luck.

[Wagoneer]

I think I finally got the message

Good luck Trixie. So sorry to hear your rock-bottom story, but maybe this is what had to happen for things to click for you. Have you shared your struggle with your husband? I hope you stay strong. Early on it is very hard to be around your drinking triggers wthout imbibing. I hope you make a plan - things that are alcohol free, things to do INSTEAD of drinking, etc.

Hope things go well.

[techie]

I think I finally got the message

Hello Trixie. I want to wish you luck. Hope things mend at your job, these things often do. Anything I can do to support you going forward I'll be happy to do. I'm on the boards daily. John

[Trixiebelle]

I think I finally got the message

Thanks Wagoneer and Techie.

I have spoken to my husband many times over the years, he listens, then everything goes back to normal - it feels as though he totally ignores me, not sure whether its because its too emotional or he may have to face his own problem.

I find it really tough.

He brews his own scotch and starts drinking about 2.00pm til stumps every day.

Any ideas about how to be strong enough to overcome a situation like this are gratefully welcome.

On the upside, I dont have to deal with this daily!!! Though once you start one day, it flows to the next....I dont have to tell you all that.

[Choochie]

I think I finally got the message

:welcome:Trixi - somewhere down the road you're going to be glad you embarrased yourself at the party if it leads to your sobriety. It's such a good life, really. We've all been where you're at, and this is better!

Re the hubs - mine has quit drinking around me and only drinks when we're with others who are drinking (and then only 1-2 drinks). Sounds like your situation will not be that easy. I hope you can protect your sobriety because your husband will be a trigger. Maybe if you can stick with it he'll see how much better you're doing and want to join you.

Wishing you luck!

Choochie

[jennyneric]

I think I finally got the message

welcome! I sort of have the same thing in my life except me and my hubby both drank, he still drinks but we never drank together, we are in the same house but are normally in different rooms and we don't drink the same thing, he drinks beer only and I hate beer, he drinks daily but I have found that watching him get drunk acts as a deterrent in that I know I don't want to be like that again. It's a mine set I guess and it takes restraint to not be angry at him for drinking but to each his own and for me I don't want to be drunk anymore. Try to ignore it as best you can and just be what you want to be and let him be what he wants to be. As the great John Lennon once said. . . Let it be. . . .there will be an answer. . . Let it be.

[mylife]

I think I finally got the message

Jenny and Trixie, one thing that struck me when I went to AA meetings were that there were quite a few couples where one had decided to stop drinking and sooner or later the second one followed and their relationship came back and was stronger than ever.

My husband is not a drinker, so he has no issue not drinking around me or drinking at home. In fact he always bothered me about drinking at home...so he's just happy I don't do it anymore. Maybe you'll have the opportunity to become stronger and happier and your spouses seeing that will want the same? Just some thoughts...

Good luck Trixie, I don't think I could spend a weekend or a day with my husband right now if he was drinking and I was trying to quit. Stay strong and have a great weekend.

[cmhguy3]

I think I finally got the message

Stay strong! We can do this!

Guy
Day 6 af

[mollyka]

I think I finally got the message

Hi Trixie, I truly believe we all need a 'rock bottom' - maybe that's yours? I agree with Mylife, I would have had great difficulties in the early days if hubs was drinking like that and I had been his drinking buddy. I think you'd have to have a very big chat or steer clear for a bit? There is nothing more important to an alkie than sobriety and if it takes very big changes in your life - so be it! If I told my hubs that I needed to move to another country to maintain my sobriety he would start packing - that's the truth, that's how important it is to me and him (even if he is a grumpy old git!!). Best of luck anyway, and as my Doc always says to me - let the cock ups work for you - don't forget how awful it feels.
Molly

[lil.michelle]

I think I finally got the message

Oh hunni, i'm soo sorry this has happened with people you have worked with. can't you find anyone to tell you what you did when you were pissed? It couldn't have been THAT bad.. could it? On the other hand, i'm glad it's been the kick up the ass you've needed! Hopefully it's enough to keep you sober!

[Rags]

I think I finally got the message

Hi Trix,
Oh dear, hate to say been there myself.
But that was probably the final and necessary jolt you needed....
take small steps, and you'll achieve your goals.

[Korlan]

I think I finally got the message

Trix, everyone has already said all the brilliant things - Thank Gosh it's done and over! Lots of people have a much much lower bottom than that. I personally wouldn't need to know, not yet - just focus on you right now...

As for the hubby, I have to agree that he isn't ready to look in his own mirror yet, and having you sober up shows him just how out of hand things get. I'll bet dollars to donuts (don't know if that's a Canadian sayingbut...) that he's thinking if she's thinking she's bad, what must I be like? Just be strong! Sobriety is one of the most unselfish - selfish acts ever. It's all about you, but everyone reaps the rewards.

Another Day... Wishing you all another 24 hours!!