Hi all,
:new:
I posted on Monday that I was starting this journey. (On the Need Help board.)
Today is Day 3 (the beginning of it anyways
) and I'm still committed to bettering myself and shaking off the need to cope using alcohol. (Wine being my crutch of choice.)
I saw a therapist last night and while I'm not convinced we're the most perfect "match" she's the only option in the area. She knew ZERO about kudzu or L-Glut or Milk Thistle. Nothing about online recovery boards such is this. Nothing about how alcohol breaks down into sugar and becomes addictive in a similar way, and why I believe being sugar-free (which I was for many many years - AND - in the best shape, mentally and physically in my life) is a goal that can support becoming alcohol free or moderate. And while she seemed sympathetic in general, she couldn't offer any options I hadn't already thought about (or learned about from here) other than AA. Because its "been around over 50 years" (repeated many many times by her as if the fact that its been around a long time makes it the answer
I didn't have the heart to bring up the fact that many in AA aren't successful at staying completely AF either.) So anyways I told her I would remain "open" to the idea of it, but at the moment it's not something I think would work for me for a variety of reasons. I'll see her again on Monday night and I'll decide based on how that session goes whether to stick with seeing her.
When I got home my husband was very interested in my experience ... "How did it go?" We talked for a while and I explained to him that for me to be successful he has to accept when I tell him there are things *I* have a concern about and he can't just brush it aside else I will bottle things up, and to keep my frustrations contained I turn to a glass (or 3) of wine to keep my mouth shut. (Some background, I'm his second wife, we have custody of his 2 kids (18 year old boy in first yr of college and 13 year old girl) their mom's an alcoholic/drug abuser (and she was also a nurse) up on felony charges, I have no kids of my own and am an introvert ... so there's been lots of adjustments for me coming into this marriage (we've been married 2.5 years now.)
Not to mention issues with my parents' health which is not good, and is and has been incredibly stressful for me over the past 3 years ... I also lost my job in Nov 2009 (not related to this issue - just general layoff due to the economy), which was just yet another stressor. Did part time stuff and found full time employment again in Oct of this year, and after the first 4 weeks of a very challenging and substantial (!) learning curve to come up to speed, I can say I'm finally feeling comfortable and confident in my new position. So that stress has begun to become more manageable.
Anyways, I'm just keeping my focus on what I need to do. I'm feeling some anxiety and sadness, plus fear over the coming holidays. I can't say I won't have a glass to toast the new year, but I'm not going to look that far ahead. I'm putting one foot in front of the other lest I fall flat on my face well in advance of the holidays. :H
Anyways, just felt like posting and saying hullo to you all. I've learned a lot reading here :thanks: and plan to visit as much as I can.
:new:
I posted on Monday that I was starting this journey. (On the Need Help board.)
Today is Day 3 (the beginning of it anyways
) and I'm still committed to bettering myself and shaking off the need to cope using alcohol. (Wine being my crutch of choice.)I saw a therapist last night and while I'm not convinced we're the most perfect "match" she's the only option in the area. She knew ZERO about kudzu or L-Glut or Milk Thistle. Nothing about online recovery boards such is this. Nothing about how alcohol breaks down into sugar and becomes addictive in a similar way, and why I believe being sugar-free (which I was for many many years - AND - in the best shape, mentally and physically in my life) is a goal that can support becoming alcohol free or moderate. And while she seemed sympathetic in general, she couldn't offer any options I hadn't already thought about (or learned about from here) other than AA. Because its "been around over 50 years" (repeated many many times by her as if the fact that its been around a long time makes it the answer
I didn't have the heart to bring up the fact that many in AA aren't successful at staying completely AF either.) So anyways I told her I would remain "open" to the idea of it, but at the moment it's not something I think would work for me for a variety of reasons. I'll see her again on Monday night and I'll decide based on how that session goes whether to stick with seeing her.When I got home my husband was very interested in my experience ... "How did it go?" We talked for a while and I explained to him that for me to be successful he has to accept when I tell him there are things *I* have a concern about and he can't just brush it aside else I will bottle things up, and to keep my frustrations contained I turn to a glass (or 3) of wine to keep my mouth shut. (Some background, I'm his second wife, we have custody of his 2 kids (18 year old boy in first yr of college and 13 year old girl) their mom's an alcoholic/drug abuser (and she was also a nurse) up on felony charges, I have no kids of my own and am an introvert ... so there's been lots of adjustments for me coming into this marriage (we've been married 2.5 years now.)
Not to mention issues with my parents' health which is not good, and is and has been incredibly stressful for me over the past 3 years ... I also lost my job in Nov 2009 (not related to this issue - just general layoff due to the economy), which was just yet another stressor. Did part time stuff and found full time employment again in Oct of this year, and after the first 4 weeks of a very challenging and substantial (!) learning curve to come up to speed, I can say I'm finally feeling comfortable and confident in my new position.
So that stress has begun to become more manageable.Anyways, I'm just keeping my focus on what I need to do. I'm feeling some anxiety and sadness, plus fear over the coming holidays. I can't say I won't have a glass to toast the new year, but I'm not going to look that far ahead. I'm putting one foot in front of the other lest I fall flat on my face well in advance of the holidays. :H
Anyways, just felt like posting and saying hullo to you all. I've learned a lot reading here :thanks: and plan to visit as much as I can.
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