Telling my dad Im AF

[mistysmoma]

I have not been close to my Dad for years. His Birthday is Sat. and I am going to call him and let him know that I quit drinking 2 months ago. I used to call him when I had been drinking and he would say he prays for me every day. He will be 80 years old and he quit drinking many years ago, and it was one of the reasons he and my mom divorced I think. I havent seen him for a few years even tho he lives an hour from me. He abandoned my mom and 6 kids when I was 12, and never saw him for many years afterward. he never paid her a dime either and went on to make a new family, so you can see why Im not close to him. He always said he regrets what he did and he found God,prays for us etc. I have forgiven him a long time ago..thats no longer an issue. I just wonder why I feel the need to call him to let him know, since we arent really close at all. Oh well, I will see what he says on Sat.

[mario]

Telling my dad Im AF

Imo i think that be a great birthday present both for you and your dad,letting go of resentment really helps us in our journey as it is not just about stopping drinking its about allowing our real feelings from inside be free, alcohol never lets us do that.have a happy birthday. :-)

[Brigitte Bardot]

Telling my dad Im AF

I think it's a great way to heal and move forward with your life.

[mistysmoma]

Telling my dad Im AF

I resented him for a long time, and finally realized, it was better for me to just forgive in my heart and go on. I just really missed having a father. Its just sad now that he is 80 and I cant feel close to him at all, like I dont even know him. Like when I used to call him and I was drunk, and it made him feel sad for me, it was like I wanted him to think it was his fault and apologize for it. Now I know it was all my fault for drinking all those years, even tho I blamed him in alot of ways. i know he will be happy for me, but I dont want to feel like he was in anyway responsible for me quitting. I did it on my own. I just pray I can remain AF, and I intend to, but ODAT for me.

[michaljetson]

Telling my dad Im AF

Yes , I dont have guts to tell my dad that I left all my bad habits . When we pray to god our clothes to burn the ,,,, the floor.
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[mylife]

Telling my dad Im AF

Hello Misty,

I'm sure it would make your Dad feel good to hear you are sober. And it might have some positive impact on you as well. My Dad also left my mom (with 5 kids) for drinking when I was young. I have spoken to him over the years but we've never been close. He's now in a nursing home and I always feel guilty about that! Don't have any idea why I feel bad about it, as he was never there for us, but I do. So I am always calling and sending him cards and actually went to visit him with my cousin and Aunt. Anyway, I do it because it makes me feel good for some reason to let go and not be angry with him, but I don't really expect anything from him.

I hope you work out what will make you feel better about your relationship with him.

[mama bear]

Telling my dad Im AF

I really admire you Misty and Mylife...not sure I could do that!!!

[Chillgirl]

Telling my dad Im AF

Misty & Mylife, holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, it only hurts ourselves and you two are giving yourselves the greatest gift by letting go of this and forgiving your Fathers. I admire you both so much, this takes huge courage but it also help heal past pain.

Misty if your Dad is only an hour away you could always plan a visit, you never know, it may still be possible to become closer.

[choice]

Telling my dad Im AF

Hi Misty,
I think what your planing to do takes a lot of courage and strength. My dad is an alcoholic too. It was hard for me to tell him I'd quit drinking. It's a big step. Good for you. :h

[gyco]

Telling my dad Im AF

life is what it is

mistysmoma;1023645 wrote: I have not been close to my Dad for years. His Birthday is Sat. and I am going to call him and let him know that I quit drinking 2 months ago. I used to call him when I had been drinking and he would say he prays for me every day. He will be 80 years old and he quit drinking many years ago, and it was one of the reasons he and my mom divorced I think. I havent seen him for a few years even tho he lives an hour from me. He abandoned my mom and 6 kids when I was 12, and never saw him for many years afterward. he never paid her a dime either and went on to make a new family, so you can see why Im not close to him. He always said he regrets what he did and he found God,prays for us etc. I have forgiven him a long time ago..thats no longer an issue. I just wonder why I feel the need to call him to let him know, since we arent really close at all. Oh well, I will see what he says on Sat.

hi misty,at least you still get to see him,tell him how you feel,thats a blessing i guess,i had a loving mom and dad,they both died quite young,:upset:but thro thik and thin they stuck together som e were less fotunate i guess,you say you forgive him,for what,do you forgive him,as we get older the actions can play a great burden on how we run our own lifes,what we dont mean were doin it rite,:thanks:gyco

[gyco]

Telling my dad Im AF

sure messed tht up missed a few words i wish you well

[mistysmoma]

Telling my dad Im AF

Gyco;1023888 wrote: sure messed tht up missed a few words i wish you well

no worries gyco..I know what you meant, and thank you. I forgave him for leaving his family 40 years ago. But I forgave a long time ago. I feel some sadness for him, but Ive only seen him maybe a dozen times since I was 12. I dont feel close to him at all. Ive not spoken to him sober in a while. He has found god and belongs to a church, helps the preacher and very active with them. He hasnt drank in many years. I just want him to know that I havent been drinking and dont intend to, maybe for his peace of mind, since I used to scare him with my drunk phone calls and talk of dying. I will post on sat after my talk with him.

[mistysmoma]

Telling my dad Im AF

Talked to my Dad today. He had been sleeping and has a cold, so I almost said Id call back. Funny tho, for a few minutes he thought he was talking to my sisiter. Whe I told him who I was, he was glad to hear from me. When I told him I quit drinking, he said that his prayers were answered, that he prayed every night for all of us kids. We had a nice long talk about drinking, and not drinking, and he even talked to my mom for about 15 min. They havent spoke in years, since my sisters wedding over 10 years ago, and then it was years before that. I am gonna try to get to see him real soon, he sounds lonely, because my stepsister moved to Ga. and she and her family were always there with him. He is 79 today.

[mylife]

Telling my dad Im AF

That's great Misty. I'm sure it was a relief to have that conversation.

I think being sober in general is a very healing thing.

[mistysmoma]

Telling my dad Im AF

Thanks mylife, yes i was actually nervous about it, after all, was the first time in a while I talked to him and remembered all of it. He was Happy for me and said he was gonna tell everyone he sees how God answered his prayer. Now hes gonna pray for me a new job, and a better one that i just lost. He loves to pray, i must say, thats a good thing, we also compared our dui's that we got in the past, and I told him about this site and how it helped me. It was a good conversation and I do feel better. I am going to my sisters for xmas and might get her to go with me to see him, he lives about an hour from her. He also said it was the best present he could get for his BD today, to know that I quit drinking. Now I am praying that I will never feel that I need to drink again.