is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

[iwonder]

hi, i feel bad even writing this but i think my boyfriend could have an alcohol problem. We have been together for aprox 11 mths and in that time we have broken up twice. he is without doubt the kindest, most thoughtful and reliable man i have ever dated. He is a great friend to many people and has a heart of gold but recently i have started to worry when he goes out drinking, he can sometimes get out of hand. It would not be fair to say he is an aggressive drunk but his moods can be unpredictable and he becomes hard to handle, he will roar and shout and talk over me, make rude or insensitive comments and walk off leaving me worried for him. If it is just the two of us i am usually fine as he will not go overboard with his drinking (he thinks i am a lightweight) but on one occasion we were with work colleagues and went to a club where we argued and he flirted with two females. I felt this was unacceptable and asked him to leave me alone so he walked away and refused to answer my calls for the rest of the night. In the early morning he turned up at my house, apologised for what he had done yet proceeded to break up with me. We have since got back together (as he swore it was all drink related and would not happen again). i find it hard to trust him now as he could not tell me who he was with or where he went - i do not believe he cheated but i am concerned that he is not more worried about not being able to remember. It is pretty regular for him (when drinking with childhood friends) to not remember how he got home etc. He is very young, only 23 so i do not want to sound like i am nagging or judging him and to be honest i doubt he is an actual alcoholic as he does not drink every week and has always held down a steady job but i just wish he could see how much his drinking bothers me. I do not want this to come between us but i cannot bare too many more nights lying awake in worry. When i voice my concerns he gets annoyed and brushes off what i have to say, he feels like i am attacking him and says there is no need to worry as he is in control and he just likes socialising and getting drunk every now and then.
Please help, any advice would be much appreciated.lease:lease:

[janka]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

Hi there -- it almost doesn't matter if he is an "alcoholic." You clearly find his drinking troublesome, and, from your description, it seems he does not want to change his behavior. Sorry but I see only 2 choices: 1) accept him "as is;" or 2) distance yourself from him. Sorry, wish you all the best, j

[Wintyr]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

Hi there iwonder, the problem with drinking is that it escalates before you even realise it, his only young and Im sure he thinks this type of drinking is the norm, problem is love he may end up here talking to us in a few years when its taken over his life! if his not willing to change for you then the future is grim, remember the heart can be treacherous, so think with your head on this one.

[lil.michelle]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

Hi hunni,
It's a hard one. Most 23 year olds drink and go out and many drink to extreme. It is a problem when it takes over his life, controls his life. Some people are just bad when they are drunk in general.
The thing you need to look at, is if you honestly want to stay with him? His drinking really seems to be upsetting you. I hope you figure it out *hugs*

[brightlite]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

Iwonder,

Whether he has an alcohol addiction problem (yet) or not, I do not know. However, it does sound like he wants to be single and just be one of the guys, yet keep you on the line too. You two may have different ideas of the relationship that you want to be in right now. You are both young, what you are looking for may not be what he is looking for. You may find that you are more compatible and on the same emotional level with someone else. He may mature or he may continue to get drunk and have episodes. It's up to you how many times you will let it happen. Good luck.

[hillsidetime]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

Hey Iwonder, and welcome. You have received some great thoughts from the previous posts. As a guy, who lived a life that sounds a lot like his, I will add a few thoughts. It does not seem like he is in a place in his life, where he is ready or wanting to change his pattern of behaviour. At that age, you feel like you have so many miles left on the old engine, that it doesn't matter how hard you party. If this behaviour continues to cause such a rift in your relationship, most likely, you may need to think about your needs, and contemplate moving on.

His drinking may decrease as he ages, and enters a next stage in life. However, from the little you have told us, it seems that he may be a candidate to have alcohol abuse continue to be a part of his life. That was the pattern I lived. I continued to be a great employee, great friend, great father, - but the booze slowly took more and more of my life. I hope he doesn't go down that road.

All the best,
Hill

[Wagoneer]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

Sounds like my ex-husband. Everybody loved him - life of the party, had a good job for a number of years, but over the years his drinking escalated adn took over. I enabled him to keep the peace meanwhile losing myself in the process trying to protcect the children. He found drugs and then lost his family. He kept drinking, got throat cancer from all the crack and gin and died two years ago. Extreme I know, but it happens. Better to know what you DON'T want now, before you marry, have two kids and almost let him ruin your life. Just my opinion, but he seems like he wants his cake and eat it too like others have said. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't settle for less than you deserve.

[gyco]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

big word

iwonder;1028970 wrote: hi, i feel bad even writing this but i think my boyfriend could have an alcohol problem. We have been together for aprox 11 mths and in that time we have broken up twice. he is without doubt the kindest, most thoughtful and reliable man i have ever dated. He is a great friend to many people and has a heart of gold but recently i have started to worry when he goes out drinking, he can sometimes get out of hand. It would not be fair to say he is an aggressive drunk but his moods can be unpredictable and he becomes hard to handle, he will roar and shout and talk over me, make rude or insensitive comments and walk off leaving me worried for him. If it is just the two of us i am usually fine as he will not go overboard with his drinking (he thinks i am a lightweight) but on one occasion we were with work colleagues and went to a club where we argued and he flirted with two females. I felt this was unacceptable and asked him to leave me alone so he walked away and refused to answer my calls for the rest of the night. In the early morning he turned up at my house, apologised for what he had done yet proceeded to break up with me. We have since got back together (as he swore it was all drink related and would not happen again). i find it hard to trust him now as he could not tell me who he was with or where he went - i do not believe he cheated but i am concerned that he is not more worried about not being able to remember. It is pretty regular for him (when drinking with childhood friends) to not remember how he got home etc. He is very young, only 23 so i do not want to sound like i am nagging or judging him and to be honest i doubt he is an actual alcoholic as he does not drink every week and has always held down a steady job but i just wish he could see how much his drinking bothers me. I do not want this to come between us but i cannot bare too many more nights lying awake in worry. When i voice my concerns he gets annoyed and brushes off what i have to say, he feels like i am attacking him and says there is no need to worry as he is in control and he just likes socialising and getting drunk every now and then.
Please help, any advice would be much appreciated.lease:lease:

that is not the question ? do you want to put up with his antics for the rest of you life is the question.im tempted to put my shy wife on here to answer the question. never mind. i no her answer NO ? his over drinking my dear is his problem,not yours,my children date people with children,great kids, i told them ,if they were have had to ask,run like the devil was after you,your decision gyco:thanks:im the father

[gyco]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

by the way i love both the kids like they were mine own

[choice]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

Hi iwonder,
I read your post and can really relate to how your feeling. I wish I had some words of wisdom regarding your post. All I can say is I could have written it myself. I'm taking a 3 month break from my fiance because I am confused about how to deal with my guys behavior when he drinks too much. It's not all the time, but when it happens it is really upsetting. It's tough to know what to do. :l:h
Take care,
Choice

[babysteps]

is my boyfriend an alcoholic?

this won't get better unless he wants it to be different, so iwonder the question is do YOU want to have to worry about 'alcohol' in a new relationship....at your age there are many wonderful guys out there available so....? I have an easy way I know now when alcohol became a problem for me. (As that did not happen until my late 40's). When alcohol is 'not an issue' one never thinks about alcohol or has discussions with anyone about 'alcohol'. Once there are discussions and one is thinking about it....too much? what did I do? should I have another? hungover, sick, missed work/date etc., embarrassment.... well alcohol is then a problem. It's hard to define the day one actually becomes an alcoholic as its a process but once a 'problem' unless nipped immediately you are on a downward slope.