So I went to the shrink...

[Cassia]

And it was somewhat helpful but I don't know if I feel any better but suppose that will come with time. She is in recovery herself and recommended that I give aa another go so I will see about a meeting tomorrow. The most helpful thing she said was that if I think that where I am is enough for me, then it's time for help and basically that I shouldn't compare myself to other peoples stories. I hadn't thought about it like that. She also said my old socialising patterns will be difficult to maintain i.e. going out on a Friday night 'my key trigger point' to which my heart sank. Socialising is such a massive part of my life! I guess I just have to learn to socialise on a different way. She is also going to help me work out how I got to where I am now which is what I need to understand. It would be so easy to blame it on the genetic dispositin which may ultimately play a part in it but seems like a bit of a cop out. I feel we all are responsible for our own actions. So that's where I am at..thoughts always welcome =o)

[mylife]

So I went to the shrink...

Hi Cassia,

I also had a hard time accepting (from my counselor) that I had to give up certain things. I think it's great that yours is in recovery because she'll know what you are going through. I love to socialize, too, so I guess I'm just figuring out how to do it without AL. We went out with some drinking friends a couple weeks ago, and I was surprised how little they noticed what I drank and also how little they actually drank! Was I imagining all the drinks I thought they used to have???

Also, I have come to believe that there is a genetic component and for some reason my chemistry is affected differently than other peoples by AL. That's why I would like to continue to have glass after glass of wine, when most people stop at 2 or maybe 3...

Hope that helps, I'm just figuring my way through this as well. Keep reading there is loads of great advice here.

[Sharky]

So I went to the shrink...

Cassia & MyLife-
I noticed the same thing when I'm not drinking. Most (ok all) people do not drink as much as I do - never really noticed it. We still have guests in for the holidays, they all had a beer (1) and wine with dinner (1-2) then had tea afterwards. Since I wasn't drinking I noticed how slow and in control they were with their consumption. If I was drinking it would have been 3-4 beers and multiple glasses of wine and I would think that I was in control....arrghhhh. Go to my first shrink appt tomorrow. Very nervous about it. The social thing is also a huge part of my lifestyle and very expected with my job - not drinking at these things will be very noticable.

[Doggygirl]

So I went to the shrink...

Hi Cassia. I think it's great that your shrink is also in recovery. No matter how much formal education a person has, I believe it is really difficult for someone to understand an addictive compulsion unless they have one.

"Socializing" to me used to mean going to a bar (or party or restaurant) with friends, and drinking. Or doing some other thing superficially, while drinking. Drinking was always at the center of all things social.

I no longer enjoy doing things "dry" where drinking is the central focus for everyone else. So I rarely socialize in that type of forum these days.

However - there is a whole 'nother world of socializing out there, where people do not have booze at the center of everything they do. A fun hobby might be at the center. Enjoying good food might be at the center. Doing volunteer work together might be at the center. I'm having to totally re-learn my life, but I have to say that my relationships are much better and deeper socializing around things other than booze. It all takes time though.

I think a benefit of AA is having a group of like minded people right there in front of me to offer social opportunities. For some people AA becomes the center of their life and that's fine. For others, it's a launching pad for transition and that's fine too. I know and value both types.

When I drank, I cut myself off from many fabulous social opportunities. I would never have become a Mary Kay Lady because drinking is just not part of what happens at Mary Kay events. Now I enjoy that. I never went to plays or anything like that in the end. I couldn't drink like I wanted to in those venues. I would never take a class to learn something new in the evening (or even in the afternoon) because again - that interfered with my drinking.

I have WAY more social opportunities now. They are just not the old ones.

Strength and hope to you!

DG

[Cassia]

So I went to the shrink...

Hey Sharky

I totally know what you mean about work...networking is a big part of my job but I am just going to bring car for the next few months and use that as an excuse. I was so nervous about going to the shrink today...I thought she was going to chastise me or tell me some real home truths. I am sure we will get round to that. Try to go in with an open mind. It wasn't anywhere near as awful as I thought it would be. Good luck tomorrow and let me know how you get on. L x

Ps I was at a wedding yesterday and also noticed how little people were drinking. No one questioned why I wasn't although I had the excuses at the ready. Although I wished desperately that I could exercise the same control. Never mind. If we were all the same it would be a pretty boring place.

[Doggygirl]

So I went to the shrink...

I have found that "normal" drinkers aren't focused on drinking. They really don't care what I drink. The people who "care" are other problem drinkers. I used to care about other people drinking. That's because I wanted DRINKING BUDDIES. I didn't feel so bad about my own consumptiom / behavior if I was not alone in it.

I don't worry about anyone thinking one way or the other about my drinking today. I'm just glad I'm not making an ass out of myself at company functions any more. And I was, even when I didn't realize it. THAT is a blessing.

DG

[Sharky]

So I went to the shrink...

Doggy-
Here ya about making ann ass at company functions. Had my boss tell me at our last event "man you were pretty wasted last night". Didn't (of course) think I was. Certainly not what I want to portray. You are right - it is a blessing when in control

Cassia-
I'll let you know how it goes. Appreciate your advice.

[Cassia]

So I went to the shrink...

Hey DG,

Thanks for all your positive points. Half the battle is changing my mindset and that will come in time.

Yes also totally agree about making a fool of myself on a night out. It's never worth the torture you put yourself thru.

The socialising bit will take a bit of getting used to. My true friends will want to do things with me that don't centre around drink. Others will go but such is life.

I am really excited about this next stage.

I am off to google Mary Kay lady...

[gyco]

So I went to the shrink...

input

Cassia;1030014 wrote: And it was somewhat helpful but I don't know if I feel any better but suppose that will come with time. She is in recovery herself and recommended that I give aa another go so I will see about a meeting tomorrow. The most helpful thing she said was that if I think that where I am is enough for me, then it's time for help and basically that I shouldn't compare myself to other peoples stories. I hadn't thought about it like that. She also said my old socialising patterns will be difficult to maintain i.e. going out on a Friday night 'my key trigger point' to which my heart sank. Socialising is such a massive part of my life! I guess I just have to learn to socialise on a different way. She is also going to help me work out how I got to where I am now which is what I need to understand. It would be so easy to blame it on the genetic dispositin which may ultimately play a part in it but seems like a bit of a cop out. I feel we all are responsible for our own actions. So that's where I am at..thoughts always welcome =o)

interesting ? seeing a psychiatristis a good start,:goodjob:ive seen many in the last 12 years or so,AA is also good,but itis not for all,reading up on why your the way you are ,you mt get a big surprise,:upset:doesnt take a genious to figure it out,it just takes time and effort,:Hother then that i wish you well:Hgyco

[Doggygirl]

So I went to the shrink...

Cassia;1030066 wrote: I am off to google Mary Kay lady...

Skin Care and Makeup. But not just ANY Skin Care and Makeup. FABULOUS Skin Care and Makeup!!!!!

DG

[mylife]

So I went to the shrink...

Hi Guys,

I have to say I have such a good time reading all your posts. I remember Mary Kay parties! Sounds like fun DG, way to go.

Cassia & Sharky, drinking at company functions is also big for me, lots of dinners etc. However, I have noticed since trying to stop that several people at those functions manage to avoid drinking. One manager I noticed last time indicated to the waiter very little. At the end of the dinner his wine glass was untouched and he'd had several glasses of water refills. One of my female co-workers gets some frilly cocktail and lets it go all watery as well. I think if we're not drinking we'll start to notice again that it was us, not them, who were doing the real drinking and feeling the pressure to drink. Anyway, my excuse next time is driving as well Cassia, hopefully I won't even have to use it.

[babysteps]

So I went to the shrink...

Aha DG; in the past year I became a 'Jafra' consultant, but so far have only purchased for me. Fabulous products...because I have just not had the 'time'!!! in evenings to work on getting it going...Imagine. What was I doing that was so important? I may pull that box out and get to it...Cassia, why are you leaving Scotland to come to states? Scotland sounds wonderful to me but what do I know.

Oh AA does provide a social atmosphere w// alcohol which is great. But as others have listed there are so many things I want to do again...painting to start. nite all. ps my psych visit oct. 09 was a bit judgmental...but really if someone hasn't had the itch to drink (or drug) more then they should compassion is likely not the name of the game. and I am the daughter of an alc problem and grandaughter...

[Doggygirl]

So I went to the shrink...

Mylife, I observe similar things. In business settings, there are very few people who drink like I did. And way more than I ever realized who don't drink at all. My thinking was usually the problem - not everyone else's.

Babysteps, my drinking life was so limited. Once the drinking was underway, I was useless to do anything else. My life got so incredibly small. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish once you rid yourself of this ball and chain. Dust off that box!

DG

[Pride before Fall]

So I went to the shrink...

One of my female co-workers gets some frilly cocktail and lets it go all watery as well. >>

This still amazes me. Cleaning up after Christmas dinner, I dumped two half-finished glasses of wine down the sink. We didn't even open one of the bottles on the table. When I drank, I drank until the glass was empty, the bottle was empty, the house was empty, of AL.

[mylife]

So I went to the shrink...

Yes, Pride. It still amazes me, too. It's really amazing because my Husband is that way, and my sister, too. They are constantly leaving half finished glasses and nearly full open bottles of wine around. Luckily my sister doesn't live in our house, but I had to tell my husband to please put those unused things away out of my sight!