Slow death

[Bean]

Just woke up from the final binge. Drank solidly throughout the day yesterday, went to bed sometime in the afternoon (no idea when) and slept on and off for 18 hours. Feel and look like absolute crap. Why anyone would do this to themselves of their own volition is completely beyond me. Why we think it's 'fun' is even more insane.

I can't do it anymore. Today is the start of my sober life. Just wanted to document that here because I know how alcohol has a cunning way of not appearing to be as dangerous as it really is when you've been off it for a few days.

Thanks in advance for your support here. I hope to be able to do the same for you.
Bean

[janka]

Slow death

Hi there Bean, and welcome back. How are you? How are you feeling?? It will get better as each day passes without AL. It will, j

[mylife]

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Welcome Bean,

Good for you to post how you feel so you'll remember it whenever AL tries to seduce you back. It really feels great to be alive again once the AL is out of your system! Good luck to you.

[Sharky]

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Great first step Bean. Perfect to document a successful journey.

We are all in this together. Welcome aboard!

Sharky

[Sona]

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Thanks for your support in the other thread, Bean. Let's hang in there together. Today is a great day to begin living in sobriety.

[Lavande]

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Bean,

You've made a good decision to stop drinking now!
What is your plan?

Jump into the Newbies Nest to see what the others are doing. There is strength in mumbers
Wishing you the best!

Lav

[Wagoneer]

Slow death

Bean - you have come to the right place. Keep close for a while - the support you receieve here will be amazing and will seriously help you. I know from experience. Best of luck to you - it's a pain in the ass, alcohol is, but you can fight this thing.

Kat

[Anjicia]

Slow death

I did the same thing Bean and i spent much of wednesday sleeping on and off throwing up and feeling and looking like crap also. This is day 2 and new years eve will find me me at home curling up on the sofa wit my cat watchin tv with a soda or juice. I'm usually home alone on new years but always with a drink. This time of year can be lonely for singles but al is no friend. Havn't eaten since tuesday and very little today. Will we ever learn. This is the worst hangover i have had in some time enough is enough. Good luck to everyone struggling lets support each other.

[Sharky]

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Bean-
How are you doing today?:welcome:

[brightlite]

Slow death

I am going to post this on a thread....but I always loved this poem from "anonymous author" Hope it puts it into perspective.



I drank for joy and became miserable.

I drank to be outgoing and became self centered.

I drank to be sociable and became lonely.

I drank for friendship and made enemies.

I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity.

I drank for sleep and awakened without rest.

I drank for strength and felt weak.

I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.

I drank for confidence and felt unsure

I drank for courage and became afraid

I drank for assurance and became doubtful

I drank to forget thoughts and had blackouts

I drank for conversation and tied my tongue

I drank to be in heaven and I came to know hell

I drank to forget and became haunted

I drank for freedom and became a slave (of alcohol)

I drank to ease problems and saw them multiply

I drank to cope with life and invited death.

I drank because I had the "right" to and everything turned out wrong.

Said this fellow, "It must have taken a bunch of booze to get you in this shape?

I said, "Just one. For me one is too many and a thousand isn't enough."

[Sona]

Slow death

Great words, BL. I agree with every one of those sentiments.

[Bean]

Slow death

Morning everyone

It's a really beautiful day here. Thanks for that amazing poem. I couldn't have summed it up better myself.

Yesterday was spent in a very reflective mood. I had a good chat with my ex who has 'known' of my problem for about 6 months but I guess didn't know the full extent of it and has realised he can't help me. I know that too but I guess was still clinging on to the tiny shred of hope that someone else (other than me) can figure all this out. One thing he said was that at least I'm not nasty when I drink, I don't treat my friends badly and it just seems something very private that I do. Which is true, but made me feel better to know that I continue to reach out for help and support rather than push it away all the time.
Often feel I don't deserve it but that's another story.

My mood is still low though. I've been taking anti-depressants since October and although I'm not in the place I was back then (vaguely suicidal, wanting to self harm etc), I really struggle to get out of bed every day. I was also drinking heavily most of that time so not sure what is the booze, or the pills not working or combo of the both or just me being me?

Losing my joie de vivre makes me very anxious for the future but I will stick with being AF and surely, eventually things will change?
Hope you are all having a good day. I just declined an invitation to a NYE party where there will be drinking in favour of dinner with a friend and his family, cooking traditional food and no booze. Kind of don't want to go, feels like a lot of effort to be around lots of new people these days but I'm sure I'll be glad I did.
Bean

[allswell]

Slow death

Hi Bean,

We've all been there, at least I know I have. Getting free of the drink will expose the real happiness that does not and can not come in a bottle. Let's make 2011 a great, year full of freedom!

[Sona]

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Ah, you answered my New Year's Eve question already. I believe that is a good choice -- you seem to believe it, and that's what matters most.

[damo180]

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Hi Bean, Just want to say I thought Longshot was quite harsh on you on another thread, and hope it didnt upset you too much,