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[foxtrott]

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Bean & Sona,
I would like to join you both if I could. I don't have a support system and know that is an important part of this journey. I've posted a few times before but never felt part of any group which I'm sure is me and my insecurities. You both have very positive attitudes at this time and the determination to be AF. I was going to wait until Jan 1 but decided I wanted to start the New Year for me now.

I am going to develop a plan tonight. I have a RX for Campral but have not been able to stay sober for the 3 days needed to start the medication. I am very high functioning and I truly believe the only person that might think I'm drinking too much is my husband. He is gone all wk but has made comments about our phone converstations....from that I have started to avoid talking to friends at night...don't want them suspicious. I can drink 2 bottles of wine pretty easily and have no hangover.

Lets all work together to support each other. I too, am going to keep reading info from the Tool Box...there is tons of good info on here.

Fox

[Sona]

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Foxtrott,

The more the merrier, join us in sobriety today! Bean and I have been in contact via PM and we have begun the journey. Now we need to stay focused, don't let our own brains fool us! I know I need to never drink again, and that's what I am beginning to attempt here. We would love to have you join us in this -- right now! No waiting until the New Year tomorrow night.

I am beginning to feel just a little bit better today. I am trying to follow up on my goals. I shaved and jumped in the shower and did my chore this morning. I will be making dinner for the kids very soon. I still need to clean my room (that was on my list of things to do today). But even 32 hours into sobriety I am already feeling a little bit better. In a few days my head will clear up even more. And hopefully in 2011, I will see some things fall into place for me. I have come to expect it when I live life sober.

The forum has helped me a lot, just having a place where I can post my thoughts and make commitments. I don't think it will be enough in the long run, so I personally will be making sure to get to AA and on Monday, at my favorite meeting, I am going to ask for a sponsor, or even a temporary sponsor. At this point I have realized that I need to do anything to beat this addiction, an addiction that has stolen so much from me -- my marriage, jobs, all my money, my car, and even a home to live in.

No more.

I plan to be here and check in daily. I plan to report my progress, and I plan to make contacts in the real, physical world that will help me finally beat this thing once and for all.

Join me, I am very serious about journeying forward, and not back!

[Bean]

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Yep Foxtrott, join with us! I know this site feels a little daunting when you are starting out and that "everyone else" has got bags of AF time under their belt etc.

But I don't yet and I know that the more 'real' the friendships I can make on here, the easier it's going to be stick with it when things get tough. Feeling that other members are just an amorphous mass of faceless people will be a perfect excuse to drop off the scene. And I don't want that so stick around please!!

Bean

[Sona]

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Bean, aside: You also asked about posting in the same threads over and over. I don't know how that's supposed to work either. I plan on posting here until someone tells me its time to move into another section of the board.

If anyone feels we should do that, let us know. I've been using this thread and I'm on my second day here. I know it's not the "Sona Show," but it has helped a lot to just post away, and all of your thoughts have helped too.

[Sona]

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Second night and I am feeling awesome. Having a good time with some friends online, getting ready to pop in a film. I accomplished my goals except for cleaning my room, but I will do that tomorrow. The wife/soon ex-wife will be home so it will give me something to do, to be out of her sight a little bit. Other than that, tomorrow I am going to cook a ham and some nice side dishes for her and the kids. She'll still want me out as soon as I can, but I'm going to do everything I can to let her know she's loved. It's gotta be hard -- I know she loves me back. But she is so done with addiction, and I don't blame her.

Have a good night everybody. Let's suck the sap out of life.

[Sona]

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It's now been over a week and I haven't had a drop of alcohol!

I do feel like I drew a line in the sand, and it started here at the forum.

Taking kudzu and vitamins daily, still interested in the supplemental program here at MWO.

Overall I am feeling healthier. Last night I got a very good night's sleep.

Now I need to stay on guard. Having done this before, I know the thoughts that are going to creep into my head. Yes, I want 2011 to be a sober year. Yes, I want to be done with this forever. Yes, I want January to be a sober month. But my focus is on TODAY. Like that old Smashing Pumpkins song, "Today is the greatest day I've ever known." That is my song today, and hopefully tomorrow, that will be my song TODAY.

ODAT.

Peace, ya'all. You've been a part of this. Thank you for your presence, your words, your help.

[KundaliniGirl]

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Glad to hear that you're doing well Sona. It's really worth it to get the beast under control. I feel so much better these days!

xx,
KG

[Sona]

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So do I. Much better.

Even my bowel is better, haha!

Last night I slept pretty good too, I got about six hours of excellent sleep. That's the best it has been so far this week.

[Ravencrest]

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Hi Sonja, just read your thread. I recently joined myself. I hate this battle we have. It is possible to overcome. Stay strong, eat, don't isolate . . .

[Ravencrest]

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Sorry . . . Sona

[RudyB]

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just jumping in to say good for us! sona, i, too, lost a marriage over drink (in part) and probably lost my only beau since cause of the booze and the bad impression it made, though that's okay. wasn't meant to be. (that was a good lesson in what NOT to do with my next chance at at supportive relationship.) this is a hard battle, but as a former-drinking friend who's now sober told me today, all of life's challenges will be so much easier without alcohol. i can face them head-on without the shame and guilt and remorse and lack of self-love that drinking was bringin to me. raising a son, getting and paying a new mortgage, going to work every day, staying alive without hating life, all will be easier without that beast driving my will. i'm relying on cigs right now, but ii'm cuttting myself some slack for that. they don't even feel good, they just give me a crutch till i can walk straight on my own. guess i'm doing okay so far, day five.
we will stay strong.
rudyb

[Sona]

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Two weeks yesterday felt great. Seriously, life's not going to be all roses for quite some time -- someone here recently pointed out that if it took years to dig into your problems, it's going to take a while to dig out (good advice!) -- but I am feeling great about being AF. I've had the occasional urge, but have had the will to get past it (I wonder how much the kudzu is helping with that?!), and don't want to go back. If anything, I also know that if I relapse, I CAN DO THIS, not that I plan on any relapse. But if I do, I will report it here, this has been a good place for me to draw a line in the sand and have accountability for it.

For now, it continues to be ONE DAY AT A TIME, and I am so happy to feel like I continue to progress. Honestly, thank God for that.

I haven't been posting quite as much but I am here, and reading. When I feel I have something unique to offer, I post.

I will need to begin looking for a new job next week. Maybe just temp for now, but that will be a goal after staying sober (my first goal).

Thank you all again for your help in these beginning days, you have been a source of strength to me!

[Wagoneer]

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So good to hear from you Sona. Wonderful that you are two weeks already. It's no picnic, but you have a great attitude and that alone is half the battle

[mylife]

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Great job Sona! You sound very wise about the future, but the good thing is you know it can only get better by not drinking.