Tough day

[Cassia]

Happy Thursday all!

Yesterday was a tough day for me...not because I had an insatiable craving to drink but because I knew I couldn't and that made me angry at myself. But I didn't drink so good.

I went for afternoon tea with three good friends which was great and I would thoroughly recommend as a great sober way to socialise. Anyway, the conversation eventually got round to drink and I got the usual, maybe u just need to cut down, you aren't focussing on the real issue, you are miserable because u have a stressful job and are in a country that you don't want to be...they were all of the consensus that if I was happier I could moderate. Plus they seem to think that my dad and husband have a hidden agenda for laying the guilts on me (my dad is in recovery and my husband isn't a big drinker). So I came home even more miserable. I told them I need to do this for me right now and that drinking is no longer fun! They were all supportive. I should mention that only one of my mates may also be abusing alcohol.

I guess they see it as a chicken, egg scenario...am I miserable cuz I drink or do I drink cuz I am miserable. I can see their point. But I know lately that I can't stop once i start and I am playing Russian roulette with my evening.

As always thoughts always welcome and thanks for reading!

[Stargazerlily]

Tough day

Good for you. It is hard to talk to others about alcohol and have them understand all you have been throough; you want to quit. You did a great job and having tea sounds fun. You show amazing insight by realizing that it is not people, places and things.

[Wagoneer]

Tough day

Cassia - that is hard, but you did a great job getting through it. People who do not have our drinking issues really don't get it. They are not being malicious, but they just don't understand the pull that AL has on us. I know my husband does not understand. I told him that I am almost two months sober and he just kinda looks at me like "duh". Like I am speaking another language. But that pretty much is our relationship anyway...lol. My kids are proud of me though and that is what really counts to me.

Friends are tricky when it comes to this. People have found that I am not drinking and some have backed away a bit. Not until I am in a situation where they are drinking and I am not, yet I am still happy and talkative and goofy like usual do they understand that this is a GOOD thing for me. Maybe not for them, but eventually, if they really are your friend they will respect your choice and support you. The people that don't and try to sabotage you are feeling their own guilt about drinking and want you to be in the same boat as them.

Anyway, stay strong and you are doing the right thing. You should be really proud of yourself. We're proud of you!

[greeneyes]

Tough day

After an AF year, I mulled over the idea of modding (just to do it socially - the glamorized part of it - you know the stuff you tell yourself). During that year I had risen above a real eyebrow raising ordeal of a divorce. As I mulled with family and a few friends, they all said things along the lines of your friends. It was your situation, your husband, your marriage, etc.... not "you". You're not an alcoholic. They meant well. They simply can't relate. I made my choice and now we all know for sure that AL can no longer be a part of a happy, productive, and most of all... authentic life. I refuse to settle for less. It doesn't matter if I drank because I was miserable or if I was content, even elated... in the end, I was scared and miserable. Who needs that, right? Stay the course, it's worth it!

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Tough day

Cassia, I honestly believe that unless a person is cursed with this, then as well meaning and intentioned their trying to help and advise may be, it will never be coming from a point of true understanding that only an addict can have. This is because alcoholism is illogical, cunning, baffling and self destructive in the face of everything we hold dear yet we continue to make the same bad judgement calls over and over.
I suppose what I am saying is I have also been told the same by people close to me in the past, but I know what I am, no question. I hope you make the choice that is best for you and not one that based on how others see you.

[Pride before Fall]

Tough day

Hi Cassia,

Someone either posted the bolded quote below on MWO or I read it somewhere and saved it. It sums up that "to drink or not to drink" tug of war we go through pretty well.

To me, when the type of beverage in my cup dictated whether I was having a good time or not (versus the company I was with or the activity I was engaged in), the line from "normal" drinker to problem drinker had been crossed. The exaggerated role it had in my life was not the role it had in my friends' lives (at least most of them). Do 'normal' people feel acute disappointment, or even anger, when they get together with old friends and there's "nothing but coffee"? Do they passive-aggressively cold-shoulder their partner when the romantic evening he planned doesn't include wine? When did being happy to see them get replaced with being happy to 'get to' drink?

I woke up after a blackout and "getting to drink" had been replaced by "getting to commit suicide"; "getting to permanently damage my children"; "getting to destroy my first sustained healthy relationship with a man"; "getting to be fired from my job for poor performance"; "getting to lose the respect of my loved ones, community and, most of all, myself." This realization is what living sober (vs getting sober) means to me. As horrible as it felt to get to that point, I am grateful for it every day. It was more than ten years coming--probably longer, if I'm honest with myself.

This is a loooong-winded way of saying, isolate the voice that says you're missing out on something if you aren't drinking. Asking why may give you the answer you're looking for. It will certainly be more true for you than advice, however well-meaning, from people around you.

xoxo Pride


In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink." Alcohol is not a reward; it is a glass-by-glass demolition team designed to destroy us.

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

[mylife]

Tough day

Hi Cassia,

Good for you not drinking. I am trying not to make an issue of it with my friends and family because I know I'll get the same thing from them...just cut down, try to watch it...they really just don't understand. My husband said the other day he understood I was stopping, but could I just take a break for NYE? (haha). They really don't understand.

Anyway, it's really up to you and how you feel about it. I know internally I have a problem, so I feel my life will be better without it. That's really all there is to it for me! I hope you can come to terms. I also think it would really help to see a counselor who has worked with this type of thing before and understands addiction.

Good luck and stay strong!