Just had the most awesome NY eve - good friends, new friends, 3 generations, got face ache from laughing, enjoyed amazing homemade Japanese dumplings, sushi, miso & chocolate, short walk home, lights out at 12.05, long rejuvenating sleep, woke up happy and hopeful.
ALL because I am AF
I am full of gratitude that I quit 4 days ago as if I was still drinking I would either have declined the invite so I could stay home alone and get wrecked. Or I would have gone but been unable to relax and enjoy myself because I'd have been so preoccupied with when I could go home and get stuck in. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that if I'd drunk last night, I would have woken up this morning feeling depressed, miserable, sick, pointless and unmotivated. Either way, I'd have missed enjoying this lovely experience.
My friend, the host used to be a chronic drunk himself and has been instrumental in helping me reach the stage where I am ready to quit. His 7 year old son kept us all in stitches all evening and seeing this beautiful boy with all his innocence and joy he brought us convinced me that THE MOST IMPORTANT THING a parent can do is maintain sobriety for their kids. I am not a parent but I wouldn't want to miss a moment of any of that through drinking if I was. Easier said than done, I know.
Yesterday I also emailed close family & friends (abroad) to tell them I have quit AL. So now I am truly accountable! The funny thing is that I used to dread announcing the decision as I felt I would have to stick to it (I guess I was uncertain that I could) but now I actually feel a huge relief it is all out in the open. No more secrecy, hiding and trying to manage it on my own. I am very excited about the prospect of being more present in my relationships and being able to live my life more authentically.
For those of you just starting out or considering it (I see a lot of posts today of people right on the brink in that place of despair - right where I was only days ago), I say 'leap and the net will appear'. There is an enormous amount of support here for starters and you are not alone.
Good Luck and Happy New Year.
Bean
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