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**Cheech66** · January 4, 2011, 10:38 PM

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well..... the good thing is you are safe and not hurt in any way!! i can only talk from my experience but this al makes you do some crazy stuff! with that being said what is done is done, it is in the past so leave it there and move on!! stay on the boards, check out the toolbox, make a plan and move forward. i assure u the toughest step will be the first one but u can do it and there are plenty here who can help and certainly relate. gl I wish you the best keep us up to date!!

**oceansize** · January 4, 2011, 10:50 PM

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Thanks Cheech.

Of course I never would have done those sorts of things sober, it just turns me into a crazy person! I'm really doing a number on myself over getting so blind at the concert. I can't remember anything awful happening there, other than my trip down the stairs and pushing my way into better viewing spaces annoying a few girls perving on the lead singer in the process.

I've got that awful dread feeling, like there must be something really bad that I've done and should feel guilty and terrible for. I know it's a process of the booze working its way out of my system, but the anxiety is pretty major right now. I feel like I've made a total tool of myself. I hate being so out of control.

**Wintyr** · January 4, 2011, 11:23 PM

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Hey oceansize, if only we could hang onto that morning after hell spiral of shame then we would never have the urge to drink again! I drank 3 bottles of wine a few weeks ago and Im not a big women that was when I decided to give up, I have never felt so toxic in my life, it really is poison we pump into our bodies under the illusion of pleasure which is not the same emotion as happiness, I sent a text the next morning to a friend of mine saying I felt so ill I wish I was dead, now when I get the urge I read that text. I guess we have to learn to like ourselves sober enough to have a good time. Hang in there love these words are just as much for myself as for you. Remind yourself of that bad feeling the next morning after a bad night and hang onto that good feeling when your sober, then make your decision to drink.

**oceansize** · January 4, 2011, 11:38 PM

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Hi Wyntr. Yep, feeling sick as a dog on top of being wracked with remorse. What a fun day! I'm trying to put last night into perspective, but I've wound myself up pretty tight over things so I'm in catastrophe mode.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I definitely need that right now.

**lil.michelle** · January 5, 2011, 02:58 AM

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Hunni, Ok so it's over with now. you didn't get hurt and you're safe.
Don't be too hard on yourself as you can't do anything to take any of it back. It's a learning curve.
So stop looking back, thinking if over. Look forward to tomorrow and plan what you're going to do to stay sober!
Glad your safe XXXXx All my love.

**oceansize** · January 5, 2011, 03:39 AM

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Thanks lil.michelle. I've been way overthinking this I know. In reality there are people who have made bigger idiots of themselves before and I'm sure if I had been that awful I would have been asked to leave. Just very upset at myself for going so overboard and bahaving messily.

Thanks again for your support and wise words - I really appreciate it.

**Chillgirl** · January 5, 2011, 03:44 AM

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Oceanside - this sounds like a typical Saturday night from my youth but I obviously never felt enough guilt or remorse as it took me another 20 years to quit. 1st off the anxiety we feel because the AL is still in our system is immense and you are best not to analyze it until you have a clear head. I do belief a little guilt is a good thing and can be used as a reminder for how we never want to behave again.

**oceansize** · January 5, 2011, 03:51 AM

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Hi Chillgirl

I'm 35 so should defo know better than to behave like a twit. I haven't done anything like that in a very long time and don't intend to again. I just hope there's no nasty repercussions for a wild night other than a day of guilt and regret.

You're right in using this to fuel my need to quit drinking, I must remember this the next time I even think about picking up a drink.

**mylife** · January 5, 2011, 06:42 AM

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Hi Ocean, I agree with Chill -- many of us have been there, use it to your advantage to help you stop.

I have been reading Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Alan Carr. In it he talks about finding the mental switch when we realize drinking was NOT fun, or glamorous, or stress relieving in any way, so we are not giving up anything by quitting. You can add this night to your list of experiences that may help you to find that switch.

**Chillgirl** · January 5, 2011, 07:14 AM

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mylife;1035402 wrote: You can add this night to your list of experiences that may help you to find that switch.

Well said! Glad you are enjoying Allen Carr I have him to thank for giving up the smokes and the booze.....

**brightlite** · January 5, 2011, 07:32 AM

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Oceansize,

I'm glad this was a wake up call for you. And, I hope you don't take it lightly. I feel, you put yourself in a dangerous situation, you were alone and vulnerable. I would advise you to pair up with a friend if/when you go out.

I'm older, but I had some wild crazy days. I did have a friend that I went out with and we would "watch out" for each other. It saved me from doing many stupid things. Of course, I hope you are heading towards AF. You don't have to be Fun free, however you will have more control over yourself.

**allswell** · January 5, 2011, 08:02 AM

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Being alcohol free doesn't mean you still can't have fun. It's just going to be a different kind of fun that doesn't get anyone hurt or put us in positions of guilt, shame, or danger. There can still be rock and roll.

**oceansize** · January 5, 2011, 08:10 PM

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mylife, brightlite and allswell thanks for your words.

I'm feeling a lot better in the clarity of the day after the day after, and I think I might grab Alan Carr's book as suggested. Need all the help I can get!

I know I'll need to learn a new way to go out and have fun without imbibing, it can be done I'm sure. Brightlite, I have no friends here in Sydney as yet as I rarely go out now and I work far too much. My old friends are mainly in Melbourne and a lot of them have drug and alcohol issues that would not serve me well. Maybe that's the next thing on the agenda after I get control of my drinking, to go out and meet some people here. I just need to make sure they aren't big drinkers/users or that would just lead me back down the same path. It's hard to meet people when you're in your mid 30s though.

Allswell - may there ALWAYS be rock 'n' roll

Thanks, still can't get over how supportive and kind the people in this forum are :h

**mylife** · January 5, 2011, 08:15 PM

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That's great Ocean! I really recommend the book -- Chill glad you liked it too!!

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