(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

[RudyB]

Just feel like sharing...

thanks to all for the posts and responses to mine that have a lot to do with how i got to day seven. what a generous group i've found here.

only several days ago i was weeping and feeling sorry for myself and wondering how i'd slog my way through life. details were crushing me as i tried to assimilate them all at once. here's a partial list: i'm about to settle and file for divorce. i have to refinance my home and pay hubby a ton of money. don't know how i'll pay the bills. i'm months behind on my child's school bill. my daddy is loaded cause his daddy shared, but my daddy won't share and help me through this hardest time ever. poor me. my son and i leave the house five days a week before 7 am. he's four and picky about his attire. always a battle lately. my job teaching spanish to disadvantaged middleschoolers is very trying. my boyfriend is now my ex because he likes pot better than me (i suspect ...what about that stuff, anyway? anyone ever notice it sap the sex life out of a person? he can fix cars all day, but when it comes to lovin' or kissin even, his arms are tied, lips sealed! f$%k that!). oh, and i've gained weight and my skin is red. and so on.

well, none of this has changed. except the weeping part, and the trying to figure it all out at once. and the part where i take it personally that i'm not getting loved-up like i should. imagine that?! oh, and i think i'm done with the self-pity, too. i know it's at least in part because i'm not surviving each day in a sewer of hangover and self-loathing. i also know that i'll have hard days when the aforementioned will crash in on me like a herd of beasts, and i'll cry and feel sorry for myself again. but i have a hope now that wasn't here before. and a confidence. yes, that's it. i'm confident that i can get through this process, this hard time, one detail and one day at a time.

i'm so glad you all are here. i have no childcare so i can't attend aa (poor me hee hee), but i like this forum so much better anyway! thanks for reading.
strength and self-love to all.
rudyb

[chartreuse_lily]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I'm so happy to hear you're handling it so much better alcohol free. Congratulations on reaching the one week mark. Keep up the great work.

PS: Maybe your boyfriend and my boyfriend should get together and start a support group for pot-heads whose women go sober on them.

[oceansize]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

RudyB what a great post! So happy for you sticking with the positive attitude and abstaining.

Haven't had a pot smoking boyfriend for some time now as I had huge issues with the stuff when I was younger, but I feel ya on the lack of enthusiasm they sometimes exhibit in the arena of lovin'. I was the same so I can unfortunately see it from both sides. The things we do to ourselves in the name of relaxation/escape, eh?

Best of luck with the many things life has going on for you right now. You're positive and strong, so you'll be just fine

[jennyneric]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

Awesome! RubyB! Welcome to the sober life!

[RudyB]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

thanks gals!
hey lily, does he give it up? the nookie?
don't mind me. i know, it's kinda private.
great idea on the support group. one of a kind.
xo r

[Chillgirl]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

Rudy - thanks for sharing :l
No our problems don't go away when we quit drinking but we do gain all the tools to deal with them instead of sticking our heads in a bottle and hoping they will go away.
Your daily life is challenging enough and I can imagine hungover it would be hell.
There are going to be days when you come home and say "f**kit" I need a drink, please remember when this happens that all your troubles will still be there in the morning only you will have to cope with them through guilt, shame and self loathing not to mention a stinking hangover! Keep checking in, I did and still do now, this place was my Godsend, my therapy and my friend and I wouldn't be sober without it. Wishing you much strength.

[mylife]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

Thanks for sharing Rudy! So glad you're doing well and sober!

[RudyB]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

thanks all.

today is challenging. that addictive voice in me keeps popping in to suggest that i go out and get something to drink. i just shun it away, try to think about how i'll feel tomorrow, remember my decision to be sober starting now. in the grocery store, the beer aisle was straight ahead. i took a left. phew. there was so much to choose from, and my son is with his dad, nobody would have to know... but that's not what i want.

i'm also thinking about getting together with my ex beau (not my ex hubby) for the evening. seems strange to break up w someone and then seek them out. but we're friends. and i don't feel like being alone. so i'm justifying it by knowing that it's better than drinking. the lesser of two evils. i think the only danger here is sending mixed messages (durr), but that can be corrected with words. he may not even call, though, and i trust myself to stay strong and not drink about that one...

wish me luck. happy saturday evening, everyone. thanks for the support.
rudy

[Change]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

RudyB;1037541 wrote: my boyfriend is now my ex because he likes pot better than me (i suspect ...what about that stuff, anyway?

Seriously, i never got what pot was about. It not only saps the sex life out of people, it saps their Lifeforce!

[RudyB]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

change,
you said it! but funny thing is, i think this guy, and many other weedheads, think it enhances their life force. well, who am i to judge? look what al was doing to me! thankfully, i think now i am gaining the clarity of mind to make better choices in beaus, huh?
rudy

[montana1]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

montana1

Just ordered the product. Looking for a new start. Hope this will do the trick!!

[RudyB]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

hey montana! welcome. good luck.
fyi, your post could be lost at the end of another thread. go ahead, start your very own thread. the responses are sure to be very supportive.
~rudyb

[RudyB]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

btw anyone who's interested:
i had one of my first sober nights ALONE in a long time. i did not hear from my ex and i didn't really care. i had sushi w my sister instead, and went to bed after a couple episodes of my favorite show Lie To Me. thank you Netflix! (that is the best escape ~ into a great, smart story!)
i am awake and not hungover, getting things done. i can do this! i like sobriety so much better than dancing with al.
rudyb

[Chillgirl]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

Hi Rudy - Sounds like the perfect evening to me, I love sushi! Its my most fav food. I also love Lie to Me and im currently watching season 2. Im a big House fan too and I cant believe how quickly im getting through the series now im AF. I used to forget what Id watched and end up watching the same episode 3 times! When I was drinking I must have missed the end of literally 1000 of movies, I remember my boyfriend used to say when one came on "oh we've seen this" and I wouldnt remember a thing about it.....scary!!

[Kimberley]

(Inner) Life IS Getting Better, day 7

Hi Rudy,
I just wanted to pop onto your thread to tell you you're doing great. I am counting myself sober as of Jan 2nd (seeing as on the 1st there was spillover from NYE) so am pretty much on the same page as you there.
You've done great to do this with all the stresses going on - as Chill said, all you need to remember is that problems don't go away because you have a drink and anyway its much easier to sort things out when you're sober.
Keep up the good work girl - I intend to carry on being sober throughout the rest of this year, so if you want that too then I'll be with you every step of the way,
K x