I am 42 years old, married to a great guy for 10 years and I have a DD-9 and and DS-5. On the outside nobody really knows just how much I drink (sound familiar?!). I have a good job, relative good health and I run 20 miles a week. My hubby knows I drink too much sometimes but he has no clue that I drink just about every day. I am so tired of waking up and feeling guilty about my weakness. I have been drinking since high school. I drink less now that a couple years ago (well okay, I drink pretty much every day just do not get plastered every day). I have tried cutting back many times but eventually go back to my usual routine.
I have found in the past 2 years that I have become progressively more sneaky about hiding my drinking and I hate myself for it. You know the drill, wake up feeling guilty but by 5pm you start all over again.
Overall I am in good health but I worry that eventually it will catch up to me. Both my grandmother and great grandmother on my moms side died from cirrhosis and I do not want that for myself. My children deserve to have me around for a long time and so does my husband.
I and tired of feeling like a loser and I believe that I am finally ready for a change. It freaks me out to think that I may never be able to drink again and I do not want to be 'labeled'. We have a big social circle and it involves a lot of parties. Why can't I be like my husband and stop after two? Bummer for me for getting the crappy genes!
I have checked out this site many times over the past 6 months and after I work up this morning at 3am guilt ridden AGAIN I told myself that I was going to make a post on MYO and take the leap.
I am scared and feel alone in my struggle. Thanks for listening!
Laura
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