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Time for a change

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    Time for a change

    Hi!
    I am 42 years old, married to a great guy for 10 years and I have a DD-9 and and DS-5. On the outside nobody really knows just how much I drink (sound familiar?!). I have a good job, relative good health and I run 20 miles a week. My hubby knows I drink too much sometimes but he has no clue that I drink just about every day. I am so tired of waking up and feeling guilty about my weakness. I have been drinking since high school. I drink less now that a couple years ago (well okay, I drink pretty much every day just do not get plastered every day). I have tried cutting back many times but eventually go back to my usual routine.
    I have found in the past 2 years that I have become progressively more sneaky about hiding my drinking and I hate myself for it. You know the drill, wake up feeling guilty but by 5pm you start all over again.
    Overall I am in good health but I worry that eventually it will catch up to me. Both my grandmother and great grandmother on my moms side died from cirrhosis and I do not want that for myself. My children deserve to have me around for a long time and so does my husband.
    I and tired of feeling like a loser and I believe that I am finally ready for a change. It freaks me out to think that I may never be able to drink again and I do not want to be 'labeled'. We have a big social circle and it involves a lot of parties. Why can't I be like my husband and stop after two? Bummer for me for getting the crappy genes!
    I have checked out this site many times over the past 6 months and after I work up this morning at 3am guilt ridden AGAIN I told myself that I was going to make a post on MYO and take the leap.
    I am scared and feel alone in my struggle. Thanks for listening!

    Laura
    ~Laura

    Insanity
    : doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results................... Albert Einstein

    #2
    Time for a change

    Is it locked? I got in...
    Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

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      #3
      Time for a change

      All sorted out now. So, again :welcome:

      This is a good place to be. I think we all started out feeling scared and lonely but I promise you - it can get better. Reading the book is a really good place to start. Also, read as many posts as you can - you'll realise we share so much.

      Hope to "see" you around.

      Tawny

      Comment


        #4
        Time for a change

        hi laurav
        as i was reading through your post i read the words
        at 5.pm it all started again

        i have spent years in that situation and i hated breaking down and going to buy booze

        i joined this site earlier this year and i have cut my alcohol usage by 75%
        i have also had 2 months of abstinence,a much needed break for my liver.
        this program does work but i will tell you upfront that it takes effort.sustained effort and determination.

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          #5
          Time for a change

          Hi, and ditto to what Tawny said, read think and read some more it sure helps knowing you aren't alone. We all understand about being sick and tired of being sick and tired and the guilt crud it's relentless. I refuse to be labeled so don't let that be a hang-up. We are all okay but we have a glitch in the ole noggin when it comes to booze. It breaks my heart everyday that I can't drink like a social drinker and heaven knows I tried. I like getting skaawished; one is not enough and 10 are too many. I've got a few alcohol free days under my belt not many but a few, and when I've had to go out socially I don't say anything about my not drinking. And you know what, it's me that has the problem with my not drinking because my friends and co-worker don't notice. And if they did they didn't say anything and probably don't really care. If anything it may make them question their drinking habits.

          Catch you later,
          spacie

          Comment


            #6
            Time for a change

            Thanks Gang!

            Thank you for your replies, they mean so very much to me. You are all an inspiration!
            I have started taking the Kudzu today. I had been taking Glutamine (to build muscle when I run) and Milk Thistle (to ease my poor liver) but not as consistent as I should so I will be better about that.
            I bought and downloaded the book today and I will get reading tonight.
            I know I would have continued with my old routine had I not posted here and made myself accountable.

            Thanks!

            Laura
            ~Laura

            Insanity
            : doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results................... Albert Einstein

            Comment


              #7
              Time for a change

              sick and tired of being sick and tired
              I remember telling this to my psychiatrist about 15 years ago and I thought I had invented it! :H
              Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

              Comment


                #8
                Time for a change

                I'm scared too and will take the leap with you...thank you for sharing your story. I have a feeling this place already may by my way out.
                This is no longer a drinking problem...it's a matter of Life or Death!!!

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