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    #1

    That's it...I'm done, I think

    Another newbie, so glad to have found this site, so surprised to see so many people here. Funny how you think your all alone. I've been drinking heavy for the past 9 years which began after the birth of my last wonderful child. I'm not sure how I got to this point, like many of you I'm sure. I've done some stupid stupid things...the guilt is unbearable. But last night...I started drinking (you know the hey, I deserve it, I worked all week, i'm stressed, and on and on), and of course I drink every night of the week, but tonight I could drink MORE!

    I'm seeing a guy, couldnt get ahold of him...so decided to leave my 9 year old son home alone so I could go to the bar (guilt guilt guilt). He was very safe, but still... My "boyfriend" finally calls...to make a long story short he meet me there, we come home, and after that I do not remember. I woke up and my little boy said i was walking funny and talking weird last night, that I had fallen and almost broke something. I called my boyfriend to see what happened...how sad is that. Basically, he told me I did not need that one last drink, so I evidently got it, slammed it on the end table, kept telling him "f... you" and to get out. This guy could have been part of my future, he may still be, but the damage to my son, leaving him..him seeing me that way...the unpedictable behavior. Why do I keep doing this? It is getting worse...I missed work last Friday, it is interefering with my life in every way. Like I've seen you all say...I'm very very scared. Scared that tomorrow I will not be able to say no, scared that I will feel, scared about everything. I'm so emberrased, feeling very ashamed, and can't quit crying.

    So its one of those days after where you think thats it! And then, you forget about what happened and continue to drink. I can't forget this time, I have to quit NOW!
    This is no longer a drinking problem...it's a matter of Life or Death!!!
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    #2
    That's it...I'm done, I think

    Looking, I am glad you are reaching out for help. Please do not ever leave your son home alone. He is NOT okay without you at home. I have a daughter the same age and I could never leave her at home alone. Start with small steps if that is what it takes. Set a limit and then switch to water. I know, easier said than done, but isn't it pathetic how we think we need those last 2-3 drinks when we do not? I have been there oh too many times. I hope you will absorb what you read on this site and learn and keep coming back. We are a nice bunch.......
    I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

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      #3
      That's it...I'm done, I think

      Hi,

      Yikes you must feel terrible!! Please take the time to download the book and start from there and read some of the other boards. There is hope, but you need to make this step it sounds like your drinking is getting the best of you. Stick with us here and things will get better. Dinking makes us do things we regret and you must make a promise to yourself to never leave your Son alone things happen even in the safest environment.

      Jump in with both feet and try!!
      Take care,
      spacie

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        #4
        That's it...I'm done, I think

        Don't forget to come back here. We've all done stuff we feel guilty about. Let us know what's going on with you.
        Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

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          #5
          That's it...I'm done, I think

          Thank you...and you are right. It is never okay to leave him home alone. This is the first time I have done it, and am so ashamed of myself. How sad my 20 year old son was worried before he left the house. He said Mom, do not take him anywhere, if you have to leave, leave him here...he will be safe. Guess I thought that was my okay to do so, and it was not okay. Fortunately I was only gone about 1 1/2 hours, I would never leave him for more than that, but when I'm drinking, no telling what could happen. Don't want you all to think I left him here all alone all night, even drinking would never do that.
          This is no longer a drinking problem...it's a matter of Life or Death!!!

          Comment

            #6
            That's it...I'm done, I think

            Do not despair! Today can be the first day towards your new life.
            There are some wonderful people on this board to offer support and comfort.
            ~Laura

            Insanity            : doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results................... Albert Einstein

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              #7
              That's it...I'm done, I think

              Looking, perhaps this was the wake-up call you needed. Good for you for trying to find the solution. We are all a work in progress........please be well.
              I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

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                #8
                That's it...I'm done, I think

                Hope --
                Obviously leaving him home alone causes you tremendous stress. You can never change what you did last night, but you can change today. We are not locked to yesterday, but we are bound to our choice of tommorow!

                I am choosing every day to choose tomorrow for me! I love what I see myself doing and being five years from now -- heck, even a year from now!!

                What do you want?

                Allie
                What happens in Vegas goes straight to Ohio....

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                  #9
                  That's it...I'm done, I think

                  Hiya, the only thing I think is that we all come here with broken spirits and it's great to not feel so isolated.
                  Welcome!
                  spacie

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                    #10
                    That's it...I'm done, I think

                    How do I say thank you....the tears won't quit flowing. Haven't been able to think about what I want from wanting that next drink. Want to be normal, this is not normal. Want to do homework with my son without liquor on my breath. Will think of tomorrow...
                    This is no longer a drinking problem...it's a matter of Life or Death!!!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      That's it...I'm done, I think

                      Hi Looking
                      How are you feeling today? I hope things are looking up. You're right - the pain and despair you are feeling is not 'normal', but we all know it well. The urge, the cravings, the battle within ourselves everyday - whether to drink or not! You have found a good place. Have you thought about taking medication (ex topamax)? I found that that made a huge difference in my cravings and ability to just say 'no'.
                      Let us know how you are holding up
                      Hugs
                      Jen
                      Over 4 months AF :h

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