Well, that was.....different

[RedJib]

It's Sunday, 'chores' day around our place. Usually if I wasn't going to work, I'd hit back a glass or two and get a nice buzz going, then start on the list: Fix/maintain car, reorganize garage and tidy up recreational gear, drink some more, clean outside of house, help clean inside the house, drink a bit more, phone older and younger generation and check in/make sure all's well, make Sunday supper for everybody (more wine? why not?!), clean up ('okay, I've earned one more glass after all that work....') Fall asleep early, then wake up around 1 am and toss and turn the rest of the night.

I've done half my list today, sober, and I have to admit that I miss that happy buzz, the anticipation of feeling warm all-over as I worked at and completed each task. It's clear to me that I've used AL for a long time as a kind of self-reward. Get something done, then have a drink. Did it really well? Great! I've earned another one.

I never really thought until the last couple of days about when this pattern started, but I'm sure now that it was when I was in college. I started late (years after high school), and had little confidence but fairly high expectations of myself. I'd study or write papers, and have a drink (or four) as a reward. If it got a good grade, it just reinforced my skewed thinking: AL isn't a problem, since a drunk couldn't do so well at this, right? Might as well have another one, and then start on the next project...

Doing life's day-to-day tasks has never bothered me much, and I'm not the procrastinator I was in my youth. Doing all the mundane stuff sober, though, this is something I have to get used to. It's kind of dull. I'm wondering how others have created new self-rewards, and how you may have adjusted to the boring times that are a part of all our lives. (I'm not spiritually-inclined; seeking more practical ideas and strategies). Thoughts? Tips?

Thanks,
Jib

[Brigitte Bardot]

Well, that was.....different

Hi Red, your reward systems sounds a lot like mine. Well, my old reward system anyway. Open a bottle of red while cleaning the house, getting dinner ready.. It definetely becomes a habit. These days I keep lots of cold drinks in the fridge; Perrier or Pelegrino, Juices and such. I don't seem to crave as much and the thought goes away almost instantly once I reach for something else right away. My new rewards these days are baking and cooking. I didn't drink this week again, so I baked a very large chocolate fudge cake with homemade icing and I'll enjoy that. This week, that is my reward.

[dancingon]

Well, that was.....different

I miss that sometimes too, although I didn't dare start so early or I'd be off my face by 5pm. A cold beer after mowing the lawn, a glass of wine or 3 while cooking dinner, reading a book, answering e-mails or when you come in tired from work on a Friday night. I think it takes a shift in attitude and possibly a change in routine. If a cranberry spritzer doesn't excite you, maybe do something fun as a reward at the end of the day, or buy a pizza, curry, chinese. You could allot yourself points for every time you think you'd like a drink during the day but resist and then redeem them on something you enjoy at the end of the day. What? That's the problem. Enjoyment becomes narrow without alcohol until you retrain yourself I think.

Caroline Knapp, in Drinking - A Love Story talks about the subtle rewards of a sober life
Working hard at a job that has somehow come to belong to her more now, as she isn't constantly battling the effects of alcohol and trying to hide it.
The quiet delight when the recycle bin is collected and there is just the dull thud of plastic, rather than that everlasting smash of glass.
Climbing into bed rather than falling into bed.
Watching a movie/ having a conversation and remembering it the next day.
Walking down the street with her head held high, instead of worrying that she might meet someone who saw her behaviour last night
Having a really good laugh with friends while sober.

I know. It must take time to get to that point and stop wanting to use alcohol to reward yourself and stop needing that warm fuzzy to get you through. I'm not completely over that desire either, so I'd be interested to know how (or if) other people reward themselves

[Cassia]

Well, that was.....different

Hi red,

I never really drank as part of a daily routine or when doing mundane things but boy did I know how to reward myself if I got thru a bad day. For me, I now try and plan better...my bad days were occurring because I just wasn't motivated or wasn't getting enough done cu I was drinking too much. Now, if I have a bad day I go to the gym or come and have a bath. Friday night was my big night out so I always have something planned for Friday after work. I make a commitment that I wont renege on.

L x

[allswell]

Well, that was.....different

I know in the past when I quit drinking I would feel like there was something missing however now I am so glad to have alcohol out of my life that all of the positives to not drinking are more than enough reward for me. Freedom is the best reward I can ever want.