My new life...

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Just updating to keep a clear (empty :l ) head LOL.

This morning took DS to a play session at my local surestart, don't normally make it as I would be hung over :blush: it starts at half nine, anyway he really enjoyed it so going to make it a regular thing He has had a nap whilst I did a boring pile of ironing and cleaned the oven (ooh my life is so exciting!) Just had lunch and off to get ready and pop over to visit my Mum and step Dad, going to call at the retail park on the way and see if we can find any cheap outdoor toys as DS loves to play out now!

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Staying strong this evening, had a brief pang earlier but took a kudzu and was stern with myself and it passed, just going to eat dinner then watch coronation st and do some crocheting with my lovely new craft lamp that dh got me for valentines

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Day three, had a lie in today, DS woke at 4.30 but then went straight back to sleep till 6.30 (never thought I would think that was a lie in :H) feel refreshed this morning as I had a much better night's sleep, still having the sweats and weird dreams where I am arguing with random people who aren't even part of my life anymore, very strange and disconcerting but am putting it down to my brain trying to get itself clear of crap!

Did some more crochet flowers last night, making myself a scarf hopefully if I can, I am loving my new creative side can't believe I have wasted so much of my life in a drunken haze not wanting to bother with anything else, it makes me feel very sad

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my drinking over the last couple of days and I know that I don't WANT to carry on anymore, I feel different from this time last week, I think what DH has said has made me see the light, he has been keeping his true feelings from me for a long time, he actually said on Sunday morning that he couldn't bear to watch me drinking anymore and that if I chose too he wouldn't stay in the same room as me as he couldn't stand seeing me change as the al took its effect, I feel so ashamed and scared that I could actually have been acting this way :blush: I mean what the hell is wrong with me?!!!

Anyway today is another shiny and bright new day of AFness (well actually it is foggy and raining :H) and I feel positive and ready

[autumn]

My new life...

Morning Mauri,

i havn't checked in for a few days so I have just caught up. I am so sorry about Saturday night. You could of been playing out a scene from my life towards the end. You did amazing to get to 5 days. But I hear you about the one last dance with the drink.

It took me a long time to see that was my utter down fall. I could be AF for a while then I would have one more party with me. WHY? When DH went away last week it took all my resolve to not have one last party and destroy 80 days. The habit had to stay broken.

My AL coucellor talked me about my last binge that undid AF time. He described the voices as so destructive. Even egging you on to drink, 'go on, you done so well, you deserve it'.......I have accepted AL is not my friend and I almost lost my marriage last year too because of it. He said matter of fact, I love you, but I cant stay with you and watch you kill yourself.

Please hang in there AF, the benefits grow every day and it gets easier. I really had to learn and more importantly understand that AL is not my friend and I AM better off without in my life, but my word once the penny dropped, I really felt able to be free. No more guilt

Mauri, sending you HUGE:l PM if you want to

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Thanks Autumn I am hanging in there, I feel so strong atm but I know the cravings will come, I am ready for the fight this time though and I am not going to listen to any of the nonsense my AL brain tells me! Thank you so much for being there for me it means a lot

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Doing ok, had the usual tea-time wobble but managed to stay strong, seems to hit me around 5pm for some reason, think it is the boredom factor especially if I haven't been out in the afternoon!

Had dinner and just going to watch a movie, might have to break out the savoury snacks and have a fizzy drink I think...

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Much better sleep last night but having vivid nightmares about things happening to DH and DS DS decided to have a lie in this morning till 7am which is virtually unheard of for him, shame he can't do it on a weekend so we can benefit (DH gets up at 6.10 during the week!)

This morning I am off for coffee at a friends house then think going to take DS to the park to feed the ducks if the weather holds out, its lovely and sunny so far and I can feel spring in the air - felt very positive and excited about the prospect of lots of lovely unhungovered mornings, I long for summer, wish we could move somewhere warmer!

Day four on my AF journey again, am feeling very confident

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Had a nice morning, DS napping just now and sun still shining so trip to the park is on for later, no cravings as yet

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Back again for another waffle...

Feeling very fed up today, don't know why, it just came over me like a wave after lunch, I am trying to keep busy, just been to feed the ducks with DS and just playing cars with him now but I feel such a sense of loss and despair, like my life is somehow over and I don't know who I am anymore, I am desperate to change and at the same time terrified I will be nothing without AL I know this is sounding ridiculous I can hear my DH saying WTF if I tried to explain this to him so need to write it down in here and get it off my chest

I confessed to a lifelong friend today that I have given up as AL was taking me over and ruining my life and all she said was - well I drink to forget and so I can sleep at night, a few cans makes the stresses of the day disappear - my thoughts on that... I am glad that I have decided to change because I don't want to deal with my problems that way anymore !!

[autumn]

My new life...

Hi Mauri,

how you doing? you will feel a whole rollercoaster of emotions!! Even in dreams. Bizarre!
I really grieved for my loss of AL. It was losing a dear 'friend'. But I got over it LOL! It should be grieving for me, I know the local Offie is :H

I have just gotten back from spending the night with my bestest friend and long time wine buddy. It was so oddly different. She was sipping wine whilst I was AF. (I don't have a prob with others drinking as I have to deal with it, my prob not theirs) It was just odd, not the same hilarious, fall off your seat laughing whilst putting the world to rights.

It is difficult, but I will just have to find me, who I am whithout AL. I guess that'll take some time. But is was still good to wake up hangover free, especially as I had a 4 hours drive home!! Adjustment is gonna happen.

Sending you strong hugs :l

[dancingon]

My new life...

Hi Mauri
Glad to hear you've picked yourself up again. I can identify with the feeling of "one more time" before totally committing. This time last year I did that so many times and couldn't get past 5 days AF. Stupid really, as I was drinking so often that "one more time" really had no meaning. It wasn't like it was going to be a rare ceremony.

The CD's are on the Health Store page on the home page of this site. I bought the original general set, but there is a set especially for mothers which might suit you. There are several CD's and you listen in a particular order, and at some point have the opportunity to put in your own hypno suggestions, according with your goals. You are supposed use them daily for at least a month. I've only been using them for a few days so can't seriously recommend them yet, but I am already feeling like they are making a difference. I think just hearing positive affirmations each day of why you can't continue drinking out of control is bound to be helpful.

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Good morning campers - and it is a lovely unhungovered one which heralds my arrival into day 5 :happy:

Autum you did brilliantly staying AF with your best buddy, does she know about your AFness? :goodjob: I don't see my best friend anymore (long, long story) but it would have been near impossible for me not to drink in her company!

Dancing IKWYM about the 'one last time' repeat scenario, I have lost count of my 'last blow out Sundays' both on the wine and food score :blush: I am confident they are over now though I thought the cds were just relaxation music/sound type ones but from what you have said I am guessing they are vocal recordings? I don't know if I am ready for that yet but let me know how you get on won't you?

Well I feel great this morning, DS didn't get up till 6.30 so had twenty minutes to get breakfast sorted and pack his bag to go off to his Grandparents which was great, DH left with him at 7.00 so just had a lovely peaceful breakfast of toasted bagels with smoked salmon pate from my Christmas Hamper pressie from DH. Off to my mehndi class this morning and need to call and pick up some groceries on the way back, so nice not to be hungover and worried about driving, this is my second week after doing two classes feeling all groggy and I am really looking forward to it, amazing what a difference it makes to your enthusiasm levels!

Yesterday was a big struggle in every way but I did it and proved to myself that I can! I am ready for day 5 - BRING IT ON!!!!

[vintage girl]

My new life...

mauri, well done on getting through yesterday, day 5 is great! Hope you enjoy your mendhi class, can you tell us a little more about it? Hope you have a great day5!

[mauritiusdodo]

My new life...

Thanks Vintage

Mehndi is the ancient art of Henna Tattooing, I am learning to apply designs to hands and feet, up till today we have been learning how to mix the henna paste and make the cones and draw out the designs but today we started practicing on each other which was fun!

[Jolie]

My new life...

Mauri - is it permanent? (the tatoo I mean)

Sounds interesting.