Hello dear friends,
I've been lurking around here for a while and have always gained great comfort and support in these chat rooms. Never felt that I had much to contribute but it says there in that box up there that I haven't contributed in months and why don't I so here I am.
I have been abstaining from AL for the first 3 months of every year for the past 3 years, then going back to my habit of 1 to 1 1/2 bottles of wine every night. Been seeing a therapist who specializes in substance abuse for almost 3 years. She was quite stern with me a couple months back about my drinking and what am I doing about quitting - she really does have the patience of a saint. So then I started kind of feeling pressured to quit so I made this plan to stop in January as I have been, using Antibuse, the only thing that will keep me from drinking, and then to start Campral after 3 months of sobriety and see how that works for me. I tried Campral last year for about 2 months and kept right on drinking. Had a little trouble keeping up with all the doses (2 tabs 3 times a day), then figured maybe I needed a good run of sobriety under my belt before starting it to see success with it.
So far I feel like I am just going through the motions and my heart isn't really in this. The only inspiration I have to stop drinking is how damned expensive it is to be a lush. In fact, just today I changed my username from NinjaLush, my self destructive alter ego, to MissMe, because that is the only feeling I can identify right now, I miss me (not that I have any idea what that means).
Today I am 26 days sober. Just counted up the days tonight. Since I have been taking Antibuse, it hardly feels like much of an accomplishment.
So that's it for me right now. Feel like I'm just taking up space and not much more. Also s'pose I shoulda posted in the drugs chat room but still feel like I'm just starting out... Oh well. Thanks for listening, er, reading, and being there, whoever you are!
I've been lurking around here for a while and have always gained great comfort and support in these chat rooms. Never felt that I had much to contribute but it says there in that box up there that I haven't contributed in months and why don't I so here I am.
I have been abstaining from AL for the first 3 months of every year for the past 3 years, then going back to my habit of 1 to 1 1/2 bottles of wine every night. Been seeing a therapist who specializes in substance abuse for almost 3 years. She was quite stern with me a couple months back about my drinking and what am I doing about quitting - she really does have the patience of a saint. So then I started kind of feeling pressured to quit so I made this plan to stop in January as I have been, using Antibuse, the only thing that will keep me from drinking, and then to start Campral after 3 months of sobriety and see how that works for me. I tried Campral last year for about 2 months and kept right on drinking. Had a little trouble keeping up with all the doses (2 tabs 3 times a day), then figured maybe I needed a good run of sobriety under my belt before starting it to see success with it.
So far I feel like I am just going through the motions and my heart isn't really in this. The only inspiration I have to stop drinking is how damned expensive it is to be a lush. In fact, just today I changed my username from NinjaLush, my self destructive alter ego, to MissMe, because that is the only feeling I can identify right now, I miss me (not that I have any idea what that means).
Today I am 26 days sober. Just counted up the days tonight. Since I have been taking Antibuse, it hardly feels like much of an accomplishment.
So that's it for me right now. Feel like I'm just taking up space and not much more. Also s'pose I shoulda posted in the drugs chat room but still feel like I'm just starting out... Oh well. Thanks for listening, er, reading, and being there, whoever you are!
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