Hello, everyone.:new:
I have been reading this forum for about a month and today I registered. I need to stop drinking today. I am hurting from last night's feast and can't fall asleep. When I close my eyes it feels like my heart stops and I die. I am pretty much used to this emotional and physical pain because I experience it every other day for several years. When I am hangover I usually just drink a couple of beers, when I feel better the next day I am ready to drink again. Once I start I can't stop until passed out. I would say the norm is usually 5-6 martinis a night. It has been going on for a long time and it has to stop or I will not survive.
I drink only in the evening into the night almost every day. I don't have to get up in the morning as I work and go to school in the evening. So, I drink until I pass out. I can drink anything, it all tastes good to me. The next day I usually spend beating myself up for drinking, thinking about death and swearing that I would never drink again. I hate the time of the day between 10pm and 1am. If there wouldn't be that period of time I would not be an alcoholic. It's like there is a switch in my brain that tells me that I need a drink. If I can't get it, I get mad and cry, shortly the cravings disappear and I forget all about it.
I so wish that I could be normal.
I don't want to pretend anymore in front of my friends and family that everything is fine with me. My boyfriend just proposed to me a week ago. I don't understand how he still wants to be with me after everything that he has seen. Even I don't want to be with me anymore. He would help me if he could, but he is not a drinker so he doesn't understand me. I want to have a family and kids with him. I just hope I will be given a chance to have kids after all these years of drinking. I tried sharing this terrible secrete of mine with my best friend. She didn't get it, she said that I exaggerate and over think the situation. So, that didn't help.
I am glad I found this forum. Reading the posts of others helped ease the pain that has collected inside of my heart for years. Success stories make me believe that I can free myself of alcohol some day, be happy and enjoy life. I am way too young, smart and beautiful to give up on being happy and healthy. So, tomorrow is my Day One.
I have been reading this forum for about a month and today I registered. I need to stop drinking today. I am hurting from last night's feast and can't fall asleep. When I close my eyes it feels like my heart stops and I die. I am pretty much used to this emotional and physical pain because I experience it every other day for several years. When I am hangover I usually just drink a couple of beers, when I feel better the next day I am ready to drink again. Once I start I can't stop until passed out. I would say the norm is usually 5-6 martinis a night. It has been going on for a long time and it has to stop or I will not survive.
I drink only in the evening into the night almost every day. I don't have to get up in the morning as I work and go to school in the evening. So, I drink until I pass out. I can drink anything, it all tastes good to me. The next day I usually spend beating myself up for drinking, thinking about death and swearing that I would never drink again. I hate the time of the day between 10pm and 1am. If there wouldn't be that period of time I would not be an alcoholic. It's like there is a switch in my brain that tells me that I need a drink. If I can't get it, I get mad and cry, shortly the cravings disappear and I forget all about it.
I so wish that I could be normal.
I don't want to pretend anymore in front of my friends and family that everything is fine with me. My boyfriend just proposed to me a week ago. I don't understand how he still wants to be with me after everything that he has seen. Even I don't want to be with me anymore. He would help me if he could, but he is not a drinker so he doesn't understand me. I want to have a family and kids with him. I just hope I will be given a chance to have kids after all these years of drinking. I tried sharing this terrible secrete of mine with my best friend. She didn't get it, she said that I exaggerate and over think the situation. So, that didn't help.
I am glad I found this forum. Reading the posts of others helped ease the pain that has collected inside of my heart for years. Success stories make me believe that I can free myself of alcohol some day, be happy and enjoy life. I am way too young, smart and beautiful to give up on being happy and healthy. So, tomorrow is my Day One.
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