Pilgrim's Progress

[middlepathpilgrim]

Just wanted a safe place to put all my thoughts and can't think of anywhere better than here! (The move taught me how journals can fall into the strangest hands :blush

Can't seem to make it AF yet, but have greatly reduced my intake. I have decided to keep my regime and add to it everday, EACH and EVERY day. So Day 1 was just getting up and dressed and taking the Topamax. Day 2, eating, supplements, Topamax. My plan is to follow the MWO and do the supplements, CDs (re-read the book), 20 minutes of exercise and keep my eye on getting those AF days strung together.

Day 3: Last night had about 1 bottle of white wine. I had forgotten how the Topamax takes the high out. Woke up feeling damn clear for the first time in weeks. I've got to keep positive. Noticed how the negative thoughts creep in at the oddest moments. ("You're a lousy person. You're a lousy mother." Ad nauseum.) Today: Breakfast, supplements, .25 mg Topamax (will take .25 at 3:00 pm and 3 more Kudzu). Will add the CD this afternoon. Now, a bit of unpacking and clearing up around here. Clean house, clean mind.

Wishing all a serene place today. Give yourselves a hug for me.

[dancingon]

Pilgrim's Progress

Hi Pilgrim
Oh dear. Yes those journals can be an embarrassment. I left mine on my desk and my daughter came in to use my computer. I suspect she had a peek.
Sound like you have a plan. There's some good ideas to keep focussed on the Tool Thread.
Quit the self-hatred talk and try to replace it with "believe I can change" talk. Most of us have tried and failed a few times before finding the way, but you have some good reasons to get your life back.
I hope the CDs help. I'm still waiting for mine. Did you get the general ones or the "Mom" ones?

[lil.michelle]

Pilgrim's Progress

Hi.
it's really good that your intake of AL has gone down. That really is a fantastic start.. be proud.
Sounds like you've got a good plan with all your meds but just keep in mind, there are not a miricle cure and you're going to have to use a lot of will power and change your routine. Keeping busy through cravings is also a really good idea.
I totally believe also... clean house, clean mind.. although with 2 young kids and a 6 month of labradoodle puppy and a cat, it seems almost an immpossible mission.
Good luck, keep posting xx

[mylife]

Pilgrim's Progress

Hello Middle,

Sounds good that you have a plan. I really need to review and write down my plan as well. I lost a journal and am mortified to think of where I might have left it. Hoping that I just hid it well...but I cringe whenever I think about it, and I haven't journaled since! (about 6 months ago)

Have a great day!

[middlepathpilgrim]

Pilgrim's Progress

Hello Mylife, Michelle and Dancin'on...

Well, here I am at Day 5. Didn't end Day 4 as planned, but not an utter disaster. Just "forgot" the second Topamax and got totally stressted out and pissed off at the clutter in my life. Remembered the "HALT" Hngry, Angry, Lonely, Tired a bit too late after bottle one. Made it to bed with my second Topamax and extra water. Today is another day. Topamax No2 is securly in my purse, water bottle in car. CDs not in drawer, but on top of desk.

Thanks all. Hoping your days are progressing!