Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

[AMELIA]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Nick, Love to be a fly on the wall at your Christmas parties!!!! No - really,...What are you going to say?
'No thanks, I've had enough already' is no word of a lie, but could lead to further discussion. I have girlfriends in NZ that have already suggested boozy lunches and parties. They know nothing about this, as I chose only a few very close friends to tell. I don't feel ready to tell the world about me and my long term relationship with you-know-whatski. So I was thinking I would just tell them I did a detox and decided not to drink again (I can just see their eyes boggling at me when I say it)
Oh Jeeze, it really shouldn't be all this difficult should it?
Aye Aye Aye, I'm sure it will all come out in the wash one way or the other.
Amelia

[NickC]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Amelia, I'm with you on the privacy thing - who needs that issue. And admittedly the looney idea may not suit all! However, I have a back up plan which I might use - and adapted it would work brilliantly for you. Just say you're on a bet with a friend in the UK to give up alcohol for whatever period is your plan. Make it a big sum like ?200 ($400 to you heathen Americans!) and that the tempter friend would have to cover the bet if you have that one glass. The inevitable response will be "they'll never know" to which you respond - with all the self righteousness you can muster:

"But I will know!"

You achieve your goal and get the reputation as a true and trustworthy person. Win win!

What might let you down is that you seem to have a problem in trying to be honest! I have no such unhelpful qualms so will happily take on the bet with you. And with my more enlightened dishonest approach I'll also happily renege on the bet when you win - so you need feel no guilt.

It will work, trust me!

NICK

[Owly]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Well, yesterday was the disaster I predicted it would be, but I think it's unlikely I will carry on today - I'm running out of places that will let me in. Got barred and violently thrown out of my very favourite late bar last night (they said they were full so I snuck in through the back door), and also barred from my friendly local for gambling on pool. This is why I move so much

A day of hell beckons, be well and good luck everyone, thinking of you.

[Owly]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Umm, I shouldn't be too surprised but I'm having severe cravings again, I thought I had managed to stop these benders at two days but perhaps my girlfriend leaving me last week has 'released the hounds'.

[AMELIA]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Hey Owly, Sorry to hear you are having such a rubbish time.
Heres a thought,...what would it take to keep you indoors for a weekend? Can you imagine doing that? Could you invite someone to come stay for a weekend to give yourself a couple of weeks (and a weekend in the middle) off the benders? Are you on good terms with your folks?

Somethings gotta give huh? Unfortunately I'm gonna quote you now Owly (and I'm not preaching here - its just a bloody good quote!)

NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES!
You're gonna have to find some way to bypass the pubs, bars & clubs if they start you off on your 2 - 3 day binges.

Don't get me wrong, you are doing well by coming here to this site and sharing whats going on for you and it sounds like you have a lot of stuff to deal with. But I am worried about you. Have you managed to get hold of the MWO book yet? Thinking of you Owly, take care and TAKE IT EASY.
Amelia

[Owly]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Thanks amelia I was able to stay in today, it's been awful but it's nearly over. I usually work on the weekends so it's not unusual for me to have a weekend off but then I just drink during the week. I know it is possible because I went three months virtually AF during the summer, but then I was with my parents. It is just wanting to want to stop which is the hurdle, there are too many things I like about it to balance away the numerous negative consequences.

I haven't read the MWO book as from the exerpts I have read it isn't the type of problem I have. I have sent off for the extreme recovery pack though with the CD, I'm sure that, as all just seeing that I am doing something about it, will help.

[AMELIA]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Nick, are you trying to bamboozle me into betting with ya? Cause I wasn't entirely sure :H Good idea with the story though, will ponder on it further and see if I can dream up one to top it!

Amelia

[AMELIA]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Owly I'm glad you have ordered the extreme recovery pack. Awesome, well done. Please let us know how you're getting on. The MWO book still could be a good read tho, as its filled with lots of info on the different parts of the program that help stop craving (or that yearning to go out and get blasted). It could be a good back up to your recovery pack.

Amelia

[NickC]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Hi Owly

I think Amelia's right in that you probably need to find a way to break the cycle. Sounds like once you find the right solution for you, you'll probably not have too many physical/craving difficulties. Maybe running out pubs will do it but probably not! I think it's great that you're addressing it though - wish I had done earlier- so don't give up - I think we joined about the same time (seems longer but it was only a week or so ago) - and I'd miss you!

Amelia - how could you suggest such a thing?? You know how honest I am. Wounded! Deeply! Cut to the quick.

NICK

[stollies1]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Owly ...time to bite the bullet
When your in your "determined to give up alcohol" section of the evening go and ban yourself from all the locals.That will be a good start at least.
As for the time on your own, why dont you volunteer somewhere it will help with your access to drinking and you can approach learning how to deal with your anxiety attacks( something you need to do as these are a trigger for your drinking)
You must deal with one or the other, hopefully both.
How about detox?
There is another site on the net that is very helpful too.It was suggested by another member here on MWO and it has some great ideas.
Rational Recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction, addiction treatment, recovery group disorder, non AA, non 12-step, cocaine, herion, sex addiction and go to recover now.

good luck mate..I'm in Australia and we are the land of the great piss up and pub crawl and its bloody hard to stay on the wagon.You just gotta give it a go
Stollies1

[Owly]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Thanks, I'll have a look. There was a book I read by Allen Carr who sadly died the other day about controlling drink, it was excellent but then I lost the book (no I wasn't on a bender at the time!), maybe I should get hold of that again.

[Olly]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Hi Owly,

I'm new here and am in early days. I want to be AF because I've already spent so much of my life drinking, drunk or hungover. I'm hoping for a good long stint at feeling good.

What I really liked about reading the MWO book was the concept that RJ spells out clearly about "problem drinker" versus "alcoholic". Labels can be intimidating and "alcoholic" is difficult for me (but I"m working on it)
My problem with alcohol is "social" too... hence, "problem drinker"... but now that I've decided to give it up all together I may learn more about alcohol and me.

nice to meet you.
Olly

[AMELIA]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Hey Olly!:welcome:
Amelia

[Owly]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Hi Olly

Yes I think there is a lot of pressure to declare yourself 'alcoholic' but I don't think this is a good idea in many cases for two reasons - 1. It simply isn't the case that I'm physically addicted and 2. It demeans the term to use it for anyone with a drink problem and doesn't allow a special differentiation for those with very serious, life threatening alcohol addiction.

And then I'm sure there are the people who would say the above explanation is just 'denial', and you can't win in that situation because any counter-argument can simply be labelled 'denial' in the same way. It is a frustrating impasse.

Regarding the other day, I'm actually very glad I was thrown into the road. The anger, humiliation, shame and hurtfulness of it have combined to such a degree that it has put me right off that kind of drinking and, specifically, that type of behaviour. But it has been a life-long pattern, my behaviour gets worse and worse on drink until some dreadful event that wakes me up to what I'm doing and there is a long sensible dry period. I went out at 11pm last night and had one and a half beers then came home. I don't want to go out at all now for the forseeable future as the shame is eating me up!

[AMELIA]

Confused by definitions of problem drinkers

Hey Owly, How come you're not thinking about zzzzz's at 11pm? I know I am sounding like an old fart, but I work so bloody hard during the day (up at 5am sometimes, home at 8/9/10pm - yes I too have my own company) I wouldn't, well couldn't go out that late - mind you I am a couple of years older than you, but still.
So last night, did you go out by yourself or with buddies? What was different? How come you came home early (apart from the fact it was a Monday & not a wknd night)?
Amelia